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Today was the day. I knew I’d fucked up. I knew I was going to jail. Muz had been in hospital for a week and was still in traction for his broken neck. It was a miracle he could still walk. He’d pleaded not guilty to the drug charges and was awaiting his trial. Andy had pleaded guilty like me, and he was already serving his sentence—two years for a list of offences as long as my arm.
I wasn’t part of the break and enter. I didn’t steal the car. But I was equally responsible for the damage that we’d caused.
My gut churned as I stood, shifting my weight from side to side as the judge peered down at me. His black robe and white wig set him apart from all the others in the room. He had authority and wasn’t afraid to use it. I was flat out intimidated by him. The stern lines around his mouth and eyes were severe.
“Mr Reid, do you understand the damage your stupidity has caused?”
“Yes, your honour,” I replied quietly, my head down as shame spiralled through me.
There was a back and forth between my lawyer and the judge, and the police prosecutor interjected a few times. I swallowed, waiting for my fate to be read out.
“Twelve months with time already served with eligibility for parole after six months.”
My solicitor nudged me with her elbow, and I nodded. She’d warned me that’s what I was facing, but hearing those words was a gut punch.
There was a flurry of activity, and a dude in a uniform came to me with a pair of handcuffs. “Can I have a moment?” a man asked from behind me as a warm hand landed on my shoulder. I’d heard it before, in very different circumstances, but I’d have recognized Ezra anywhere.
Sucking in a breath, I closed my eyes and waited. “Tristan,” he started, his voice cracking. I wanted to see him. I wanted to be in his arms again. Turning, I gazed into his chocolate brown eyes swirling with emotion. “I wish that turned out differently. I’m so sorry.”
I reached for him, needing to feel his touch one more time. Threading our fingers together, I vowed, “I can change, Ez. I will change. I promise, one day I’ll deserve you.”
His smile was sad. Bringing our foreheads together, he inhaled slowly, his eyelids fluttering closed. “Take care of yourself, Tris.”
“I want to see you when I get out.”
“Turn into the man you want to be and then look me up.” He pressed a lingering kiss to my lips and stepped back, turning and striding away without another word.
I’d done what Ezra asked. I’d tried to carve out a life that I could be proud of. I’d tried to become a better man.
We still had chemistry. It ran hot between us. But Ezra had never caved again. He’d put me in the friend-zone and never wavered.
Seeing him eviscerated me. I’d tried to get him back, but he stomped on my heart over and over. Every time he pushed me away, another piece of me broke.
I couldn’t face that again. I couldn’t damn myself to another decade of pining. What was the point of being this person and living this life if I couldn’t have the three people I wanted?
When did I get to win for a change? When could I have what I wanted?
I’d broken free of my father’s stranglehold on my life, only to land myself in jail. When I’d finally seen the outside of those four walls, I’d held the reins of my life so tightly that I might as well have still been ensconced in a cell.
When did I get to live?
When did I get to love?
I wanted to share my life with someone. More than one someone, if I were being honest. I wanted my great love moment. That was it. Surely it wasn’t too much to ask.
I hadn’t fought for Ezra. Not enough to make him change his mind, anyway. Now I was right back in the same position. Walk away or fight. Be safe or have everything I ever dreamed of.
And that still included Ezra.
It was now or never. It was dive in headfirst or walk away for good.
I had no idea how to do it, how I could convince Ezra, Zali, and Flynn to give me another chance. I was sick of losing.
For once in my life, I was going to fight for what I wanted. I was going to be brave enough to demand more.
I closed my eyes and exhaled slowly. “Fuck it,” I muttered, picking up the phone.
But neither Zali nor Flynn answered.
