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Thalia and I had been mostly at each other’s throats the whole time she was working with me. She was never problematic in the workplace, but she also was slow to voice her opinions. And when she did, I just found her so attractive, and I gave in to the heat of the moment. But I knew this wasn’t ideal. I knew I should be focusing on the show instead of looking for where she was.
“So, Albuquerque, this is our second show back, and I think we have some things to catch up on, wouldn’t you say?” I asked the crowd, earning another wave of cheers. The sun had fully set by then, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to find Thalia in the horde of people in front of me, even if I wanted to, so I managed to devote the rest of the night to just the show. I felt fortunate that I was able to turn it around. Thalia was right, after all. People spent their money and their time to see me, and they deserved my full attention.
After the show, however, when I was running all the way to the back of the car, I was expecting to see Thalia when I opened the door, but there was no one. It was just me in the backseat on our drive back to the hotel. We weren’t staying in Albuquerque for the night. We had two back-to-back shows, so we had to be in Denver as soon as possible. During the car ride, however, I was contemplating sending Thalia back to Los Angeles, and I could just write songs on the road and come back on free weekends to record with Jackson and her. It was just… It was just a lot to deal with, thinking about how we were going to be stuck in one motorcoach for the majority of the tour, and after we had sex, I just wasn’t sure how much our dynamic had changed and if I had enough time to accommodate that said change.
And if I was being completely honest, I… I couldn’t get her out of my mind. Her smile, her snarkiness, her talent… the way her body melted into mine as we had sex. Not to mention… the other stuff that I had been wracking my brain on how to tackle for the past month or so… ever since I saw her that morning in my office lobby.
I planned on talking about all of this with her eventually, but I wasn’t sure if now was the right moment. I was working, and I wanted to devote my entire mental state to my work. So, I was convinced that sending her back to LA was the best choice for this situation.
Hector dropped me off right at the tour bus, and I was dreading going up there because I knew there was nowhere else Thalia could be this entire time. With a deep breath, I went inside the tour bus, and when I gently opened the door and looked at the lounge area, Thalia was looking out of the window with a phone against her ear.
“I miss you too, sweetie. How’s Auntie Adriana and Grandma?” Thalia’s voice was soft and warm, a tone I had never heard her in before. I could make out some parts of her daughter’s voice through her phone, but not enough to understand what she was saying. “That’s great, Luna. I hope you and Auntie Ana have fun at the park tomorrow.” Thalia’s voice now shifted into melancholy, probably feeling sad that she wasn’t going to be there with her daughter.
I wasn’t meaning to listen in on their conversation. There was nowhere for me to go without disturbing them. The door to the bus closed behind me as they were preparing to move out, and I couldn’t go to my room without me revealing myself.
“Oh, I know, sweetie, but I have to stay here and work,” Thalia explained to Luna, her voice regaining some form of composure, and I was reminded of Thalia’s words about how people work hard for their money. I was beginning to think that I had been out of touch from reality this whole time now that I was hearing this raw conversation between a struggling mother and her child. “I promise we’ll go back to the park as many times as you want when I come home, okay?” Thalia wiped away a single teardrop that escaped her eye. “Yes, okay. That’s good. Be good, Luna. Mommy loves you so much.” With that, Thalia hung up, and I took it as my opportunity to pretend like I just walked in.
I re-opened the door, a lot louder this time, deciding to try a casual approach.
“Hey, there you are. I didn’t catch you at the show.” I hoped I sounded like nothing happened just now – or between us last night.
Thalia quickly wiped away another tear, clearing her throat as she turned toward me. My heart twisted seeing her this way, with a sniffle and puffy eyes. Suddenly, my walls came crashing down. She was dealing with so much more than just me.
“Hey, do you have a minute? Can we talk?” I froze in my spot. This didn’t sound great, and I was a little nervous about where this was headed. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to bring up with you. Something I feel like I should have mentioned when I first started working here.”
A lot could happen in five years. I was very aware of that. I went from being an unknown young man with a guitar and a dream to becoming a superstar. I met a ton of people, made some friends, made some enemies, and got to know a whole lot of acquaintances during these five years. I made four albums, three of them winning numerous accolades voted on by critics and fans alike. I made an empire and bought out the record label that signed me. I performed every other night to tens of thousands of adoring fans in stadiums all across the country. Yes, a lot could happen in five years, and I had pretty much everything I ever wanted. Everything except the person I had in my arms when I was just that unknown young man. And now she was in my tour bus – a completely different person, but I could still see the young woman I fell in love with five years ago.
“I know, Thalia.” My confession came out as a whisper as I watched a shocked expression overtake Thalia’s face. “I’ve known this entire time.”
I wasn’t completely sure why I acted like I didn’t know Thalia when Sadie introduced us on that first day. A knee-jerk reaction to try to keep the door shut on the most painful breakup I’d ever experienced.
But I would have recognized Thalia anywhere. She was as beautiful as the day she left five years ago.
When I saw her standing there near Sadie, trying to shrink into the chaotic background that day, I felt my throat go as dry as the desert and my knees feel weak. I wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch her. To feel her hand in mine again. I wanted to pull her body against mine and feel her skin. I wanted to ask her a million questions.
I wanted to kiss her.
I wanted to tell her how much I’d missed her.
But I couldn’t. The last thing I remembered about her from back then was how she crushed my heart.
Jackson had no idea who she was. I thought about telling him. I thought about telling him that a lot of my songs – the brightest and the darkest ones – were inspired by Thalia Santana. But I knew I’d have to share everything, and I wasn’t ready for that just yet.
And, honestly, I wasn’t completely sure she’d rememberedme. Or, I worried, that she didn’t remember our relationship the same way that I remembered. I was afraid it hadn’t been as significant for her.
What we’d had was intense. Sure, it wasn’t the longest of relationships in the history of romance, but it was real. And it was rooted in our creativity and passion for taking the world by storm with our music.
During the time we were together, life was a little chaotic for both of us. We were both trying to get the spotlight, and we both burned bright in the beginning. But I knew Thalia eventually faded, while I continued to ignite, getting hotter and hotter.
Life moved extremely fast, and it was easy to forget the things that once meant the world to me.
But with her in the studio, boy, I was overwhelmed with memories of our time together. I couldn’t eventalkto her at first. I had to send all my requests through Jackson, just so I could keep my head in the game. I distracted myself with silly little games. I knew what I wanted to write about, but I couldn’t write with Thalia in the room because it was about her. So it threw me into a confused tailspin with no vision for my album.
And it went on like that. Me living a lie and being creatively blocked. It was torture, but at least I got to see her beautiful face.
Then, on a whim, I decided I wanted to go grocery shopping, like a normal person. It had been a difficult day, where I was hounded by board members about profits and money, money, money. It was all too much. But unlike a normal person, I had my security team with me to thin the place out a bit.
And that was when I spotted her with Luna. A lot of things fell into place when I met Luna. Things I was afraid to let myself think, never mind say out loud.
