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But then the tour started, and I somewhat forced Thalia to join me. I was just desperate to just get some alone time with her. Get to know her again, even if I never told her my truth.
After I poured all of this out to Thalia, her face remained stunned. We’d been on the bus for about an hour now, Albuquerque in the rearview, headed to Denver. My confession hung heavy in the air between us, silence except for the thrum of the tires and the hum of the engine as we cruised down the highway.
I hadn’t even meant to confess all of this tonight. But after last night…it didn’t feel right keeping this trapped inside anymore. It didn’t feel right not to acknowledge the truth. I was lying, and I knew it. Before I let her go back to LA, I wanted her to know everything, just in case I never saw her again.
But I didn’t want her to go back to LA. Standing here in front of her, even with the tension stretched as tight as a guitar string, I wanted her here with me. I’d wanted this since she left five years ago.
I knew I couldn’t expect her to understand or forgive me for lying to her. I was certain that my reaction likely made her feel bad, and that was why she seemed to hate and resent me every single day. Even last night, she was out of the room before the sweat cooled.
But I’d acted from a place of hurt, even though I knew very clearly that my choices weren’t going to help anyone in the long run.
So here I was, finally doing what was right and telling Thalia that I remembered every detail about her, but more importantly, about us.
Thalia’s eyes never left mine, even as they shone bright with tears and her bottom lip quivered. She’d always been this strong, and it was something I’d admired about her. I just never imagined I would be on the receiving side of her strength, which could sometimes look like a grudge.
“You knew…this whole time?” Her voice was low, words came out slowly. I nodded even more slowly, keeping eye contact. “And you didn’t tell me because…why, because I disappeared on you?”
“There was a lot to unpack, I suppose. I’m not saying what I did was right, but you showed up out of the blue after you’d become a ghost. I hadn’t heard from you in years and all of a sudden you were standing in my building as my new employee. I just didn’t really know what to do. I didn’t think about it, really. In the moment, I kind of just decided to pretend it wasn't tearing me apart. But that made me give you the totally wrong impression. I suppose I thought I could handle it later, when I got my head in a better place.”
A flash of understanding crossed Thalia’s face. The thing about Thalia, was usually her emotions were the first to act, but she always could calm herself down to see all angles of a situation. Even if all the angles pointed to me being an asshole.
But she was probably trying to put herself in my shoes. I just wished she was processing some of this out loud.
“You’re right.” I let out a breath as she spoke and relaxed on the couch. “No, you’re absolutely right. I just walked away back then, didn’t I? Why would you want to deal with that in front of your own employees at the time?”
There was an edge of sadness in her voice and it brought me to the missing piece of the story. The vital information that was left out of this conversation and I was so terrified to learn the truth.
“Thalia.” I cleared my emotion-clogged throat. “Thalia, I want to know. What happened that made you disappear like that?”
I kept my voice clear and straight. I didn’t want to break down in this conversation. I needed answers, and that required calm thinking. Fortunately, stardom prepared me to hide my real feelings at all costs.
Thalia ran a hand through her brunette hair, letting out a deep sigh, obviously feeling heavy about this situation.
“I think you already know what happened, Damian.” My heart thudded as she finally broke eye contact, looking at the floor.
Silence resumed, heavy and full of pain, for a few seconds. Thalia was right. I did have an idea of what happened. I always had, but had been too scared to find out the truth.
“Thalia, I want you to be honest with me,” I said, voice slightly shaking from the question that had been in the back of my head ever since that fateful day in the grocery store. I exhaled sharply.
“Is Luna our child?”
Chapter 16
Thalia
Lifewasn’tlikethemovies. If it was, I was highly positive that my life wouldn't be what it is today.
If my life was a movie, then everything I ever hoped for would be right here in the palm of my hand.
If my life was a movie, then the very first moment I stepped into the music scene, I would have had a worldwide hit. I would have had the opportunity to make my own album, tour the world, and sing my songs to people who went out of their way to see me live. I’d be honored at award shows, I’d have a life where money would never be an issue again, and I’d be inspiring the next generation of musicians to follow their dreams and never give up on them.
If my life was a movie, I would have never left Damian’s side, and we’d be taking the world by storm as we had always talked about when we were younger.
If my life was a movie, we’d probably be married by now, and we’d marvel at how our dreams actually came true. That we were the lucky ones out of the millions of people aspiring to be singers.
Yeah, that was how my life would be if it were a movie. But at the same time, I was relieved to find out that it wasn’t. If I had gotten everything I asked for five years ago, then I wouldn’t have a beautiful four-year-old girl waiting for me to come home to her. I wouldn’t ever hear her sweet laughter and her smart antics. I wouldn’t have been blessed with her toothy smile and her kind heart. No one was going to run up to me in the morning of Christmas so she could open the single present I struggled to buy for her because I was always stuck working minimum wage jobs. But Luna never made me feel inadequate. Not a single moment did I ever feel like I wasn’t enough for her because she was always there to remind me every day that I was her world. We weren’t living the lavish life. But if I was given the opportunity to go back in time, I wouldn’t change anything.
I wassohappy that my life wasn’t perfect because I was blessed with the perfect little girl. Even if it meant that the moment I’d been dreading this entire time was right here in my face. When I became Damian’s studio assistant, I had the nagging feeling in the back of my head that eventually, he was going to find out the truth one way or another. When I got pregnant, my mother told me that no secret was going to be kept in the dark forever – they always find their way out no matter how hard I tried to cover it up. And she was right.
