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“Glad to hear it,” he said, returning my kiss with another one, along with his signature superstar smile.
Chapter 18
Damian
Iwasinahaze. Usually, before any show, I would be nervous and anxious, just sitting and waiting in my dressing room. I would start feeling the butterflies and the energy, especially when I could hear the crowd starting to gather and chant my name. I was in the biggest stadium in Denver, and I was about to perform in front of tens of thousands of people, and I was just in a haze. I couldn’t even quite explain it in one word. After Thalia and I laid our secrets on the table, I just was in this situation where I was extremely elated in a way that no one else got to know about besides myself and Thalia.
As a world-famous artist, any facet of my life was hard to hide. The press knew where I lived in Los Angeles. They knew where my other homes were; Jackson Hole, Northern Michigan, and New York City.
Every single time I went to award shows and interacted with any woman who happened to be famous, the media immediately assumed that I was dating that woman. I could not count how many times I had seen such baseless rumors printed around the tabloids. It was suffocating to have every part of my personal life be hounded by people who called themselves journalists. Still, I considered myself to be lucky. The women had it much harder every time the paparazzi made up stories that connected me. People would be quick to call them sluts, and I would be able to get away scot-free. All in all, I wished people would just… get a life, touch some grass, and not harass other people for personal details. Yes, we were celebrities. Yes, we were public figures. But that didn’t mean we lost our right to have some privacy.
It was that exact reason why I never opted to pursue any type of serious relationship during my career. Of course, there were some women who caught my eye and I've had my share of crazy trysts. It was only natural, but it never amounted to anything. So, this time, when Thalia had returned to my life, I knew that I couldn’t let her go again. She was the woman who had changed my life; now it was not once, but twice. And the fact that she was right there with me throughout this world tour and inside the studio… it could not get any better.
I couldn’t pretend that a part of me wasn't hurt that she hadn’t told me about Luna. She’d definitely had plenty of opportunities. But in a weird way, I understood why she kept that to herself and I appreciated that maybe she had borne a heavier burden than I had all these years. I certainly hadn’t been ready to be a father five years ago, and honestly, I wasn’t sure I was even ready now. Luna’s life would have been so different, and I'm not sure it would have been for the better. She and Thalia would also have had no privacy, and everything would have been up for public discussion. Did I reallywantto subject a little kid like Luna to that kind of life? Sure, I chose this life and was fortunate enough to get it, but she wouldn’t have a choice.
I knew it would take me a while to unpack all the feelings I had at the moment. This was definitely a different experience for me. But I was hopeful that we could find a way to make it work.
So, I wasn’t nervous about the show this time around. In fact, I wanted nothing more than to go out there and perform and pour everything out on that stage. Because suddenly, all of my love songs – all of the songs I had written for and about Thalia – had a brand new meaning. They had a brand new hope. I wouldn’t just be going through the motions this time. I would be allowed to reallyfeelthem.
And my fingers were itching with the need to write new songs. Something about this next chapter and how I felt now. A melody was already forming in my head, which, after all this blankness I had experienced, was an overwhelming feeling. I quickly pulled out my phone and recorded the sounds that I heard in my head. Then I pulled up the notes app and started jotting down some lyrics.
I felt so incredibly free andalive.
This creative block had dogged me for the past month, and it was screwing with my head. Some of it was intentional censorship from Thalia, but some of the block was just natural as I tried to pushpastwhat I’d been feeling. Being so close to her, day in and day out… part of me couldn't believe she thought I didn't recognize her or remember her. I mean, who has a name like 'Thalia'?
But now I could write whatever I wanted. I wasn’t hiding from Thalia anymore, and it felt so liberating as the words poured out of my head and into my phone. I wasn’t even sure how long I sat there, working on the new song that was just flowing from me. I picked up the guitar that was in the green room and started strumming out a chord progression, recording it on the phone.
After, I wasn’t even sure how long – minutes? Hours? A knock on the door snapped me out of my creative frenzy. I looked up and Thalia was leaning against the doorway. She wore a sexy black dress and the smile on her face radiated warmth through the cold room. And yes, it was super cold, as per my "artist's requirements" for each show.
She lit up the room. I couldn’t help the beaming smile that spread across my face as she stood looking at me. In the time we’d worked together, she never looked at me like this. I’d assumed I’d never see this warm expression from her ever again. But here she was, looking at me like I was the thing she wanted most in this world.
But I wasn’t the thing she wanted most in this world. She had other goals and dreams that she’d deferred and my mood dimmed when I remembered everything she’d given up for Luna and for me. Shit. She gave up everything for me…who was I kidding? Luna was just a result of "us".
“Hey,” I greeted, feeling the dimples on my cheeks form as my smile widened. “You're looking very pretty today. Don't think I've ever seen a production assistant looking so fine,” I told her, earning a playful swaying of her hand.
“Nah, what about you?” Thalia pointed out, walking toward me slowly, her hips swaying beautifully under the tight material. “Showing off the guns, huh?” She nodded to my arms before she reached out and caressed the outline of one of my biceps.
“You like it?” I asked coyly, stealthily flexing to define them even more, earning a slight giggle from Thalia.
“Honestly, I think I prefer your old look. You know, white T-shirt and theiconicblue guitar?” Thalia responded, slapping my exposed arm lightly, walking away from me and back to the door. She noticed the instrument in my right hand, slightly raising her eyebrow in confusion. “You seem busy.”
I swung the guitar around, looking at it in awe, thinking about how quickly it helped me pour my heart out.
“Yeah, well, just happens that some new inspiration came into my life, so I had to get to songwriting,” I winked as I set the guitar down. “And you know what? You’re right. I should bring the iconic blue guitar back. After all, that’s my signature.”
“I bet the fans would love that,” Thalia said. “But I, um,” she cleared her throat, glancing around the room. “I had something else to talk to you about.” Her voice was low, serious.
I sat up, my heart racing with concern.
“I know this is a weird time, but we have to talk about Luna.” And there it was, the Big Truth between us. I wanted to get to know Luna and spend some time with her, but I was also terrified of upending her life. I couldn’t lay all the baggage that came with being Damian Apollo at the door of a four-year-old.
“I just don’t want everything to be brought on her too strongly, too soon.” It was as if Thalia had read my mind.
I shifted in my chair as Thalia looked at the floor, clearly nervous about where this conversation was going and how I’d react.
I nodded, trying to ease Thalia’s mind.
“I completely agree. It’s all a lot to take in,“ I waved my arms around us vaguely, indicating the whole package of Damian Apollo. “I want to get to know her. More than anything, I want to get to know Luna. But I don’t want my life to be a burden for her.”
