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But even greater than my fear of being a single mother was how he would take the news that he was going to be a father. If he didn't want to be a part of my life, maybe he didn't want to be a part of our child's life.
After all, he disappeared and didn't want to talk anymore, and just expected me to accept it.
So I decided not to try to find him.
I steeled myself and in the same energy that gets you in shape after a bad break-up, I would tackle this pregnancy the same way. I was going to conquer it despite everything that was against me. He would regret treating me the way he did. I didn't need him. And besides, any man who would do what he did doesn't deserve to be with me or my unborn child.
He wasn't going to have the opportunity to disappoint me-again.
It was going to be ok; I had a brand new degree, I’d get a job, I’d set up a home.
I looked out the window and felt a rush of optimism. That rush was exactly what I needed.
I signed heavily and bent over toward my side table to grab my phone.
Dialling quickly, I waited for a voice to answer my call.
"Mom?"
Chapter 1
Jack
Isatatmydesk, staring blankly at the computer screen in front of me. The reports and emails I had to review were forgotten as my mind wandered to memories of my wife, Ava. It had been two years since she passed away, and while the pain had blunted and dimmed just a bit with time, the longing in my heart was still there.
To compensate, I had thrown myself into my work these last couple of years, thrown my energy and my very essence into building what had become one of the most promising tech companies in the world, determined to bury all the feelings that had threatened to consume me.
But today, I couldn't ignore the weight of my grief. My chest tightened, heavy and alive with a mind of its own, and my breathing became shallow as I fought back tears. I didn't want to show any vulnerability, not even to my closest friends, and especially not to my employees.
I knew I had to escape, to be alone with my thoughts and feelings. I called my assistant and instructed her to cancel all my meetings for the rest of this week and next. I didn't want any distractions or interruptions. I needed some time. I needed some space. I felt unmoored. From experience, I knew this would pass. But I also knew it was easier when I was alone. For everyone.
I was just about to leave the office when the phone on my desk rang. I frowned at the unfamiliar number that popped up on the display and hesitated before picking up the receiver. I considered just letting it go to voicemail but thought some brief contact with the outside world–the real world–might ease the ache in my chest. Or at least distract me for a few all too brief seconds.
“Jack Monroe.”
"Hey Jack, it's Maya…er, Maya Davies. I hope you're doing well.” Maya’s voice was clear and bright, even across however many miles through the phone.
And just like that, my unbalanced world was thrown off even more. Like I had the time machine I spent two years so desperately wishing for, I was slammed back into long walks on a tree-lined college campus, late-night conversations, and long, hot kisses. But this time with Maya Davies.
For reasons that only my younger self could explain, I hadn’t seen Maya for years, but she had been an important part of my life for many years. Number one, I don't know how she found me and number two, I was beyond curious why she was calling me today.
“Maya Davies,” I repeated, yearning for the days long before I knew about the kind of grief that could rip your soul from your body. “It’s been a while. What can I do for you?”
I couldn’t help the small tug of my lip that threatened a tiny smile.
Maya cleared her throat, maybe sounding a little nervous.
“It sure has been a while, Jack. I’m calling because I’m now a reporter for Mile High Magazine and we’re working on a forty under forty feature. It’s focusing on leaders in Colorado who have made an impact in their sector. And, of course, everyone is under forty years old. It was just as big of a surprise to me as maybe it is to you, but I’ve been assigned to write a profile on you.”
My heart sank like a rock to the pit of my stomach, muscles tied in knots. I was in no place and had no interest in being the subject of a fluffy vanity piece.
I had worked hard to build this company from the ground up, fueled by a passion for technology and how it could be used to make the world better. I didn't want to be portrayed as just another rich guy.
"Maya, I don't have time for this. I'm sorry, but I'm not interested," I said sharply, firmly replacing the receiver on the phone.
As I walked out of the office, storming inwardly. I couldn't shake the feeling of disappointment. My blood still roared and my head swam with the even stranger turn the day had taken.
But, sighing, I realized I had been a complete asshole. For no reason. Maya was doing a job. She had no way of knowing the shitstorm that was today.
