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I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to center myself. When I opened them again, I saw the surrounding setting in a new light. The dried brown grass and bare trees. The thick patch of pine trees. A peak of the buildings beyond. I could hear honking horns and sirens beyond the boundaries of the park.
I felt a sudden surge of energy, and I started running again.
This time, I ran with purpose. And I noticed everything.
The smell of fresh coffee from a nearby cafe, the strumming sound of a street performer playing the guitar, and the feel of the rough pavement under my feet. As I ran, I felt a sense of liberation, like I was shedding my old skin and becoming someone new.
The more I ran, the more I began to feel the stress melting away. The tightness in my chest began to ease, and my breathing became more regular. It was like the act of running was pushing out all the negative thoughts and emotions, leaving me with a sense of clarity.
As I turned a corner, I saw a young boy playing with a ball. He reminded me of Eli and myself. I had missed so much of his life, and I knew that I could never make up for it. But I could try. I could try to be a father to him, to be there for him in the ways that I wasn't before.
I made a vow to myself as I ran. I would make it up to Eli for not having a father while he was so young. I would be there for him, and I would try my best to make him happy. It was a small gesture, but it was a start.
The rest of the run passed in a blur. I was lost in my thoughts, but they were different now. They were more positive, more hopeful. By the time I arrived back home, I was exhausted, but I felt better than I had in weeks.
I just had to find a way to get Maya to let me into their lives. I knew I had every right to be a father to Eli, and I’d fight her if I had to. But I hoped, prayed, begged inside, that she would just open up and let me be there for Eli.
Chapter 14
Maya
Iknewitwascoming. The confrontation. I knew it was only a matter of time before he confronted me about Eli. But even though I knew it was coming, it still didn't make it any easier.
When Jack first asked me about Eli, my initial instinct was to deny everything. But when I saw the look on his face, I knew I couldn't lie to him anymore. The truth spilled out of me in a jumbled mess of words, and I watched as Jack's expression changed from confusion to anger to something that looked an awful lot like disgust.
“I’m sorry,” I breathed, my voice a thin whisper. “I know 'sorry' doesn’t even begin to cut it. But Iamsorry. I should have told you about Eli earlier. But I was scared, Jack. I was young, barely twenty-five years old, and you were in California, and I was terrified that you could take Eli away from me. There was no question you had more resources than me. Even with my parents' help, I was barely getting by with my job at the time. I was just…scared.”
Jack wiped his hand against his forehead, letting out a deep breath and turning away from me. When he looked at me, his eyes were darker than I’d ever seen, cloudy with anger and sadness. He took a step closer to me and instinct wanted to step back, keeping my distance. But I forced myself to stay put in my living room.
“Are you seriously blaming me, Maya?” Jack’s voice was deadly low. “Because I was in California–which guessing by the timeline, I wasn’t actually in California anymore–I didn’t deserve to know that I had a fuckingchild. God, Maya. How could you do this to me? And to Eli? He deserves to know he has a father. What did you even tell him about that? Never mind, I don’t want to know right now. I just…”
He paced away from me.
“Fuck!” Jack laid a fist on the wall. “I went all of these years without knowing I had a child, Maya. All of those years are gone. I will never get them back. Eli will never get that back.”
"I know," I said, my voice trembling. "And I'm sorry. But you have to understand, I was scared. I didn't know how you would react."
“What the hell, Maya? Did you think I was some kind of monster? How could you not know how I would react?”
"I know," I said again, my throat tightening with emotion. "And I should have told you sooner. But please, Jack, you had just left me without a word. In hindsight, what I did was wrong, but I did what I thought was best at the time."
Jack's eyes bore into mine, and I could see the anger and hurt in them. I felt my body tense up, and I took a step back from him, trying to give myself some space.
“You did it on purpose, didn’t you? You didn’t even contact me as revenge, right?” His face was tight in a grimace, and I felt my anger rise. His words hit me like a punch to the gut, and I felt tears prick at the corners of my eyes. I knew I had hurt him, and I knew I had a lot of work to do to earn back his trust.
But at the same time, I couldn't help feeling angry. I was angry that Jack couldn’t see I was just trying to protect Eli from someone who had left me, who didn’t want me.
He was gone! What was I supposed to do? He left me. Just up and vanished one morning, so how could he expect that I would call him about this if I couldn't contact him?Hewas the one who ghostedme.
But still, deep down, looking at Jack now, I knew I made the wrong choice back then. Seeing Jack in this much pain, I wished I could go back and make the right choice.
"Jack, please," I said, my voice shaking with emotion. "I know I messed up. I know I should have told you sooner. I just didn’t want…”
Jack
“I don’t care, Maya. But this isn't about you or me, anyway. This is about Eli. He's the most important thing here."
“… You weren’t here, Jack. You had left me. What was I supposed to do?”
