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“I’m glad you and Eli got to spend the day together. I have to admit, I feel a little jealous when I think about you two having a good time without me.”
Something about that statement froze all the blood in my veins. How did she think I felt thinking about the last six years without me?
“That’s ridiculous, Maya.”
She nodded. "I know it's silly, but I can't help it. I just don't want to miss out on any of the good moments with him."
“Maya. All you’ve had are the good moments with him. I haven’t had a chance to have any of those yet. I’ve just had a few great hours with Eli.”
She nodded again and looked away, swiping a tear from beneath her eyes.
“I know,” she whispered.
I was still so angry. She had no right to keep Eli from me.
But…
It also broke my heart a little to think I had caused her so much pain in the past that she didn’t feel like she could fully trust me. Even now.
But I was determined to prove her wrong. I would be there for Eli, no matter what.
The holidays were fast approaching and Maya had an unexpected story that was going to take her out of town for a few days. I had planned on staying in town, so we agreed–probably reluctantly on Maya’s part–that Eli would stay with me while she was out of town in the week leading up to Christmas.
I picked him up from school on the last day before the break, and we headed back to my house. He was bouncing with excitement, chatting away about all the things he wanted to do.
“I want to build a snowman,” he exclaimed as flurries danced across the windshield.
I chuckled.
"It hasn't snowed enough yet, buddy. But maybe we can find something else to do."
Over the next few days, Eli helped me decorate my Christmas tree, we rode our bikes, drove up to the mountains where we could build a snowman, and made terrible cookies.
I was a pretty decent cook, but completely hopeless when it came to baking. Eli didn’t seem to mind though, and he frosted them even though we weren't sure they were edible.
We were both having a blast, and I was feeling sad on our last night together. Maya had texted me, confirming that she was on her way home and Eli would go back to her house in the morning.
But we had fun playing basketball in the park that afternoon. The sun was shining, and it was surprisingly warm. We were both sweating by the time we were finished, but we didn’t care.
“Dad, can we watch a movie tonight?” Eli asked on our walk back home. At some point, he had started calling me Dad, and I refused to let myself take it for granted. Even once.
“Of course. What did you have in mind?”
"Can we watch 'Home Alone'?" he asked.
"Absolutely," I said, smiling. "That's one of my favorites."
We ordered pizza and snuggled up on the couch, the lights from the Christmas tree casting a warm glow on the room. As we watched the movie, I couldn't help but feel grateful for this moment. My heart was uncomfortably full as the weight of Eli’s head grew heavier and heavier on my chest, where he was almost certainly asleep.
After the movie, I gently lifted Eli and tucked him into the bed in the room that we set up together. I wanted him to feel like he had a space here and as he snuggled deeper beneath the covers, I could sense the contentment and comfort he had. I felt it, too.
With one last look back, I switched on the star night light he picked out at Target and closed the door.
I let out a deep breath when I realized the week had been a success. More than success. It had been…fun. It was just us on our own and I managed not to screw everything up.
The next morning, we ate pancakes, and then I helped Eli pack up his things.
There was a tugging at my heart the whole drive to Maya’s. I wanted more time like this with Eli.
