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It took me too long to register that the woman on the other end of the line needed me totellher why I was calling.
“Um, hi. Yes, this is Jack Monroe. I’m unexpectedly heading up to my cabin right now and was wondering if you could squeeze in a light cleaning today and a more thorough cleaning this weekend. I’m having guests next week.”
Guests. I sighed again. That was the theme of this afternoon.
“Mr. Monroe. Absolutely. We had a last-minute cancellation and we can have a crew out there within the hour. Unless anything has changed, we have the codes to get in as well as to disarm the alarm.”
“That’s great. Thank you. And no changes.”
“Wonderful. I hope you travel safely and enjoy your visit.”
Next on my list of responsibilities that I wanted to leave behind was calling my mom back. She had left a message that she just wanted to check in on me. She had the worried tone in her voice that I had come to know all too well over the last two years. After quickly letting her know that I was headed up to the cabin to relax and get some fresh air, she seemed a little more relaxed. She knew how much I loved going up to the cabin and getting lost in the mountains for a little bit. She knew how much it healed my soul.
When I disconnected the call, I took a deep breath, feeling the fresher air rolling off the pine trees in the foothills clear my lungs and dislodge the knot that formed in my throat.
Nothing but quiet for the next few hours.
But that left a lot of time for thinking and my thoughts kept drifting to Maya.
I wouldn’t have even agreed to this stupid interview if I knew my public relations and marketing directors wouldn’t completely lose their shit if I declined. We needed more publicity. Wealwaysneeded more publicity. And what was better publicity than the young CEO and founder of an almost billion-dollar company featured as one of the leaders of industry in Denver?
But still…Maya.
I hadn’t seen Maya in close to seven years. I could be accused of ghosting her, because that's essentially what I did. I have no defense except that I was young and stupid.
College was a great time for us and we enjoyed it to the full. In every way. At that age, I experienced probably what was the closest thing to love I could have experienced. But really, I had no fucking clue. I needed to walk my own walk, make my own rules. We had almost settled into where the sex was good, no great, but I was questioning whether that was it. Maya was a great girl, but I needed to know what else was out there.
So, I did what any stupid, young, arrogant bastard would do and just choose for myself and not allow anything to get in my way. Not even a girl. Especially not a girl.
So I decided: no contact, no check-ins, nothing.
Once upon a time, I would scour social media to find out what she was up to, but she was oddly quiet. I knew she was a writer, working her way up, and had seen her land her gig at Mile High Magazine, but that was completely by accident. One of the few people I tried to date after Ava’s death happened to love the magazine. I saw it on her coffee table, flipped through it, and was shocked as hell to see Maya’s name and picture.
For no reason at all, I was just relieved she still used the same last name, which I could only hope meant she hadn't gotten married yet. Or wasn’t married still?
The painful knot in my throat reappeared as I sped down the highway, memories of Maya and our relationship flooding back. I felt like I was abandoning Ava on her day, but I couldn’t help but feel the mix of excitement and apprehension. My heart was pounding in my chest, and my palms were slick with sweat. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing thoughts.
I drove for hours. The scenery gradually changed from pine-filled forests to wide open valleys to winding passes dotted by small towns and outposts along the way. The fresh air and peacefulness of the mountains were a welcome respite from the chaos of the city.
Snowflakes danced across the windshield; soft and quiet. The cold air breezed through the open window, cleansing my system and easing the knots that were tying me up inside.
By the time I arrived at the cabin, I was breathing normally and took a moment to appreciate the surroundings. I was just outside of town, where the mountain loomed over my small plot of snow-covered ground. The dark trees stood in stark contrast to all the white.
I stepped inside and immediately felt at home. This place was far more comfortable for me than my modern, luxury house in the city. The cabin was cozy and warm. It was full of life and memories, having been in my family for generations.
The cabin was small and a bit more on the rustic side. Definitely not one of the larger, much more grand “cabins” in town. But over the years, I had done some updating, adding all the modern amenities anyone could want, and expanded it to add a couple of more bedrooms and a more spacious guest bathroom.
Truth be told, I didn’t invite many guests up here, except for my parents and sometimes extended family. But Ava and I had plans. Plans that had involved a family that required more space.
The furniture was old and worn, slightly faded, but still in good condition. Family photos from throughout the years decorated the walls.
It was clear that the cleaners had come through. Everything was clean and the air smelled fresh. I knew I needed to go to the grocery store in town and stock up for me–and my guests.
But despite the to-do list, I knew I had made the right decision to come here, and I felt my body relax, muscle by muscle. I was ready to take on whatever came my way. I just needed a little time to myself.
I punched out a quick grocery list on my phone before heading to the small store. Like everything around here, it took me a fraction of the time the errand would take in the city.
Later that evening, I sat in front of the warm, crackling fire with a hot bowl of soup and planned out the hiking I would do before Maya arrived. Early winter hiking was my favorite. The woods were incredibly quiet and still. Very few people were around and it felt like I was the only one on the planet.
