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“Happy New Year, Eli.”
He hugged Maya first and then came over to me, more falling into me than actually hugging me.
Maya softly laughed as Eli’s head grew heavier on my shoulder.
“What should I do?” I mouthed to Maya over his head. She gestured upstairs, which I took to mean I should take him to bed.
I carefully carried him up the stairs into his room and tucked him in. He was out like a light as I quietly slipped out, gently closing the door behind me.
“He’s quite the party animal,” I said as I rejoined Maya on the couch.
“He goes a little too hard too early,” she laughed. “He needs to learn how to pace himself.”
She took a sip of the wine I’d brought, enjoyment flitting across her face.
“Thanks for coming tonight, Jack. You have no idea how much it meant to Eli. He loves this holiday more than anything.”
“I can see that. I’m happy I came tonight, too. I want to be a part of his life. I want to know all these things about him for myself.”
Maya stared into her glass and I silently kicked myself for bringing this up again.
“I know. And you have no idea how sorry I am for that, Jack. Really.”
I didn’t know how to respond, so I said nothing for a few minutes. We sat in silence, staring at the fire in the fireplace, and the celebrations on the television turned low. It was all scenes of happy people hugging, kissing, and just enjoying being with either their special people or just their special people for the night.
“I’m trying to move forward, Maya. The only thing we change is the future, right? And that’s the mindset I’m trying to take into the new year.”
Maya nodded, gaze still fixated on the fire dancing in front of her.
“Besides,” I heard myself continuing. I hadn’t meant to keep talking or to share anything more. “I’ve been thinking lately about how hard regret is. It’s easy to say that I regret leaving you and not knowing Eli. But if that didn’t happen, I wouldn’t have met Ava. And I loved her. A part of me still does and always will. But I thought any hope I had at having a family died with her. And you come back into my life out of the clear blue sky one day and pretty soon I have a son I never knew. It's weird how life happens sometimes. Maybe it's Ava looking out for me, knowing my deepest desires. Even though life doesn't always turn out the way we think it will, there's still a lot to be thankful for and a lot of surprises to be had.”
Maya was silent for a few long beats. I glanced over and saw a single tear streaming down her cheek.
“That’s beautiful, Jack. I love that and I think that’s an amazing thought to end the year.”
We sat in silence, considering our struggles, as we watched the parties and celebrations on television. At midnight, we shared a hug and I could feel that somehow, it was going to be a good year.
Chapter 18
Jack
ThemoretimeIspent with Eli, the more I could see both our similarities and differences. We had a lot of the same interests, but he had so much of Maya in him.
And I loved every moment I got to spend with him.
Since New Year’s Eve, I had been able to spend at least some time with him every week. I picked him up from school sometimes and spent a few weekend days with him, and we had a blast making memories. I started to work shorter than normal hours, hopping out happily to pick Eli up at school. I was still leading the charge at the office, but my priorities had clearly changed. I was lucky to have the leadership team that I had and this was a great opportunity for them to step up to the plate. They weren't letting me down.
Maya kept her distance and let Eli and me spend time alone, which was probably for the best. Spending New Year’s Eve with them was nice, but I was still feeling a spiderweb of complicated emotions that even Catherine wasn’t able to help me work through quickly.
When I was near Maya or caught glimpses of her when I was picking up or dropping off Eli, it was easy to forget the pain and betrayal.
It was easy to forget that she called me, came to my cabin, and had sex with me, knowing what she was keeping from me.
But when I was alone, I couldn’t ignore all of those choices she made. Hours and hours of sessions with Catherine were getting me to a place of acceptance, but forgiveness…felt like a distant goal.
Today, though, none of that mattered, as Eli and I stared at the vastness of the frozen lake in front of us.
Bundled up in the best, warmest winter gear money could buy, Eli had been all too excited to go on this snow-covered, alpine adventure with me in the national park. He was surprisingly adept at keeping up on his brand-new snowshoes, considering I doubted he’d ever tried them before, and he stared through his goggles, a goofy grin lighting up his face as the bluebird sky made the frozen snowfield sparkle.
