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With one last hug, Catherine turned and walked toward her car. I watched her walk down the street and get into the small SUV before turning and heading my way home.
I didn’t want to face the empty house, not just yet. So I stopped in a familiar bar for a drink. It was a cozy bar with low ceilings and warm wood. I dropped down on a stool and ordered a beer.
Further, down the bar, a group of twenty-something women were laughing at something one of the bartenders said.
As I sat there, sipping my beer, I felt a sense of contentment settle over me. It wasn’t going to be easy, but maybe everything would be okay after all. I reached into my pocket for the button, flipping it in my fingers as I enjoyed my beer.
Maybe I could let go of my fear and start living my life again.
Because Catherine helped me realize that what was holding me back from Mayawasfear. I had made peace with the fact that it was time to move forward after Ava. That Ava wouldwantme to move forward. But I hadn’t addressed this deep fear that I could lose everything in a heartbeat. Catherine was right. The only way to release the fear was to slowly move it toward hope. Hope for better times. Hope for a new start.
I paid the tab and walked back to the office. I called the driver to pull around to take me back home and got him to let me out a few blocks away as the night air would do me some good.
As I walked the last few blocks home, my mind was filled with possibilities and potential. Maybe my dreams would start to change, reflecting the new direction my life was taking. Maybe I would finally be able to let go of my past and embrace the future.
I had a second chance now, and I would be a fool to waste it. I wanted to work on my happiness and Maya could be that happiness. I knew it wouldn't be easy. We had tried before, and it didn't work out because of me. But maybe now, with Eli in the picture, things could be different. Maybe we could be a family. Maybe enough pain had been caused by each of us that it could cancel out and we could start again. Two negatives make a positive, right?
The thought made my heart race.Me, Eli, Maya.
I thought about Maya. I remembered the way she used to laugh, the way her eyes would light up when she saw me. All of that came to me when I first held that button. I remembered the way it felt to hold her, the way she fit perfectly into my arms. That part gave me hope.
But I also remembered the fights, the misunderstandings, and the way we pushed each other away. It wasn't all sunshine and roses. We had our problems, just like any couple.
But maybe we could work through those problems now. Maybe we're both different people than we were before. Maybe we had both grown, matured, and learned from our mistakes. Maybe we could make it work.
The thought filled me with a mix of excitement and dread. What if it doesn't work out again? What if we hurt each other all over again? What if Eli gets caught in the crossfire? I didn't want to mess things up for him. He deserved better than that.
Eli deserved a happy family.
The thought of Maya made my heart race. I could feel a knot of anxiety in my stomach, but also a flutter of excitement. I realized I wanted this. I wanted to be with her, to make it work, to be a family with Eli.
I walked up to my driveway, so many thoughts causing my heart to pound in my chest. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down, to steady my nerves.
This was it. This was the moment of truth. I had to make a decision.
Instead of feeling excess stress, I was suddenly hit with clarity. I was going to try to make it work with Maya, if she would have me. I was going to try to be the family that Eli needed. I was letting go, and it was time to find happiness; to find hope. Maybe by holding on so tight to my what-ifs, I was actually holding out the happiness.
It was a new beginning, a fresh start, a second chance.
And I was going to take it.
Chapter 20
Maya
Ihadalwaysbeenclose to my parents, but after Eli and Jack started spending time together, I started spending more and more time with them. They were always there for me, never judging, never pushing, just quietly supportive. I cherished every moment I spent with them, especially when we did things together, like the day we built that 3D puzzle of a steamship.
It was a massive puzzle, with close to three thousand pieces, but we worked together. My father, a retired engineer, took the lead, carefully studying the instructions and sorting the pieces by shape and color. My mother and I followed his lead, finding the right pieces and fitting them together.
As we worked, I felt a sense of calm wash over me. It was as if the puzzle had become a meditative practice, and each piece we fit together was a moment of mindfulness. I felt my body relax, my breath slowing down, my muscles releasing tension.
The ship puzzle was a marvel of engineering, with intricate details and delicate parts. We had to be careful not to break anything as we worked, or else my dad would have our heads, and we took our time, savoring each moment. The ship took shape before our eyes, and we marveled at its beauty and complexity.
Finally, after many, many hours of work, we finished the puzzle. The ship stood before us, a proud testament to our teamwork and patience. My father beamed with pride, and my mother smiled warmly. I felt a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, as if we had made something significant together.
As we admired the ship, my father suggested we display it on the mantel. We carefully carried it to the living room and placed it on the shelf, where it sparkled in the light. It was a work of art, and we were all stupidly proud of it.
“Why don’t we head to the farmer’s market,” my mom asked me as we turned from the mantel. “We’ll get some stuff for dinner.”
