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Plans made and dinner finished, I couldn’t help but think about Maya as I put my bowl in the dishwasher. I only had a handful of days to figure out how I would deal with seeing her again.
I wandered out onto the porch, staring off into the sky above. A billion stars glowed above me, but there was no moon, leaving the woods in front of me dark. Quiet nights like this made me miss Ava the most. It wasn’t hard to see that I had shoved my life full of distractions over the last couple of years. But here, sitting out in the cold air, listening to the quiet, I almost felt her sitting with me. A peace I had never known washed over me. Was this what closure felt like?
Everyone told me that the grief would never go away, that it would only change over time. Ava would always be a part of my life and a piece of me would always love her. But was it time for me to move on from what I thought my life would look like and start planning for a life ahead that I could have? Was it possible to move forward while acknowledging that Ava was still in my heart?
Maybe closure didn’t mean saying goodbye and closing the book. Maybe it just meant starting a new chapter and living for today despite the pain of yesterday. Could I do that?
I spent the weekend hiking, reading by the fire, and sitting with my thoughts. Turning over the idea again and again, until it was polished and shining as bright as the North Star in a moonless sky.
Warmth glowed in my heart as I realized I could, and should, move forward. Ava wouldn’t want me to stay frozen in grief. She would want me to live. I would never forget her and the years we spent together, but I owed it to her and the memory of her beautiful life to not just give up and give in.
Today, I decided, I would starttrulyliving again.
Chapter 2
Maya
AsIhungupthe phone with Jack, my heart was pounding in my chest. It had been seven years since we last spoke, and now I just had a perfectly civil, polite conversation with him. Jack Monroe. One of the most successful and wealthiest people in the country.
I couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement mixed with trepidation at the prospect of interviewing him for Mile High Magazine, or MHM as we always called it.
I sat alone in my office, staring out the window at the busy Denver streets below, the sunlight warm through the window despite the freezing air temperature outside. My mind was racing as I thought about the events that had led me here. Earlier that morning, my editor, Emily, had called me into her office and told me the best news I could ever hope for–the promise of a promotion that came with a fairly sizeable pay raise.
I needed the bigger job almost as much as I needed the money. I had been struggling to make ends meet and costs just kept seeming to mount. I was desperate for a little more financial breathing room. Desperate for a chance to get ahead.
But this story, the story about Jack, was intended to be the tryout for the promotion. Only senior staff writers were typically involved in these high-profile features, and I hated Emily’s mind games more than anything in the world. But what choice did I have? I did love my job.
But…when Emily first brought up the idea and told me who the subject was, I remember feeling like a hammer had hit me in the chest. I suddenly felt breathless and heavy thinking about the man who had caused me so much hurt. The last time I saw Jack was in my bed in Boulder when we were both in college. That was where he broke my heart. We lost contact soon after, and I spent years trying to forget Jack Monroe existed.
Emily had a way of pushing, and I realized there was no reasonable excuse as to why I couldn’t do the story. “He was a jerk to me in college,” didn’t fly in the face of adults and professionals. And, God, I wanted to be a professional. I needed–and deserved–this promotion, and this was my chance to get it.
I clutched a hand to my nervous stomach, as it felt like all of my organs were protesting. My heart was racing and my palms were sweating. I dropped the heated skin of my forehead to the cool window and felt sense seep into my body as the temperature turned down.
This interview was just business. It was myjob,and I needed to keep my emotions in check.
But as much as I tried to convince myself that this was just business, I couldn't help but feel nervous. I had no idea what Jack was going to be like, or how I would react when I saw him again. I was afraid that all the feelings that I had buried deep down inside me would come rushing back, and that I wouldn't be able to control my emotions.
I raised my head from the window and saw a reflection of myself in the glass. My hair was a mess, and there were dark circles under my eyes from the long nights of work and worry. But, there was something else there too. A glimmer of hope, a determination to make things better for myself. I knew that this interview with Jack could change everything.
I took another deep breath and walked back to my desk. I opened up my laptop and started to do some research on Jack. I wanted to know everything about him, to be as prepared as possible for the interview. As I read through his bio, I couldn't help but be impressed by all that he had accomplished. He was a self-made billionaire, with a reputation for being ruthless in business. At the same time, he was incredibly compassionate. Jack was known for his philanthropic work and for his dogged mission to actually try and make the world a better place.
That was the Jack I knew all those years ago. He was always excited about one project or another he was working on and the impact it would have on people.
His company, MonTech, started as a way to help people of all ages learn more about technology and computer science. In barely any time at all, it grew into a behemoth that not only included state-of-the-art education technology solutions but also all sorts of other, more custom products for every business sector. The sheer scale of what Jack had accomplished was just incredible.
And hestillhelped elementary and high school students learn coding and tech skills, at no cost, through his outreach programs. He not only donated a vast amount of money, but an impressive amount of his time leading some of these classes.
I almost reached full-blown fangirl status when I read an article where he talked about avoiding layoffs at MonTech. In a time when tens of thousands of workers were being laid off at tech companies around the country, Jack decided to accept less profit for his company overall, shrunk bonuses for senior executive staff, and cut his salary to keep more people on board while the industry rode out the downturn.
As I delved deeper into my research, I started to feel a sense of excitement building within me. This was my chance to interview one of the most successful and enigmatic men in the world, no matter who he once was to me. I was determined to make the most of this opportunity and write the best story I possibly could.
As I sat there, lost in thought, my phone rang and I rolled my eyes when I saw Emily’s name pop up on the screen. Of course, she was checking in already.
"Maya, how did it go?" she asked eagerly, not even trying to hide the excitement in her voice.
"It was good.” I worked to keep my voice steady. "He agreed to the interview. He’s currently at his house in Crested Butte, so I’ll have to drive up there on Tuesday. We’ll get photos and everything."
"That's fantastic news!" Emily exclaimed. "I knew you could do it. I have a good feeling about this one, Maya. I think this interview could be a game-changer for both you and the magazine."
