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"Let's get started, shall we?" I said when we had finally settled into the minimalistic but extremely comfortable couches in the living room. The fireplace was alive and flickering, making the room feel warm and cozy.
Matt and Alex got set up. The plan was to record the interview so we could use some soundbites for social media. They were also taking some still images for possible use in the article, although we were going to schedule an actual photoshoot for later.
I forced myself to switch out of awed mode and become the professional I was. But I was very grateful I had all of my questions typed out on my phone and everything was being recorded, because I could not focus.
My mind kept drifting back to the past, which was a dangerous place to go. Watching Jack’s slim fingers move in the air as he spoke, I couldn’t help but remember the way Jack's touch had made me feel alive. His moving lips reminded me of the way his kisses had left me breathless.
No. I internally scolded myself. I wasn’t here to reminisce about times with Jack. I was here to do my job.
As Jack talked about his company, I made myself listen intently, taking notes and asking questions. I was impressed by his passion for his work and the way he spoke about it with such enthusiasm.
But despite my best efforts, I couldn't stop my gaze from lingering too long at Jack and all the features I had loved most about him. The strong muscles in his chest. The shadow of dark hair on his tanned jaw. The way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he was excited about something. And how he leaned forward when he was talking about something important like he was sharing a secret with you. Jack Monroe had a way of making a person feel like they were the only one in the room. It was both magical and terrifying.
I tried to keep my emotions in check, and I did. I wanted to focus solely on the task at hand. But how could I when he was sitting so close to me? Smelling delicious like the cold air on top of a mountain?
It was impossible, and I was in trouble.
Jack
I decided that I liked seeing Maya in my space.
Ever since she strolled through the front door of the cabin, bringing in the sunshine and warmth, I didn’t know how cold and dark this place had been.
She looked stunning. A lot like she used to look, just more…polished. She was a little more grown-up. Her haircut looked more expensive, and those highlights didn’t come from a box like they did in college. Maya had real diamonds in her ears and I felt myself fighting jealousy, thinking about whether or not they’d been a gift from someone special.
But when she pulled her shiny brown hair into a ponytail, using a hairband she kept on her wrist, I saw the Maya I knew all those years ago. Wisps of hair brushed her face and my hands itched to move them away, knowing how silky both her hair and her skin would feel under my fingertips.
I barely noticed the two other people in the room as Maya asked me questions. I had anticipated this moment and prepared myself. I was calm and polite, but inside, my thoughts were a random mess.
Maya started with the usual questions. How did I start my company? What motivated me to build a tech company from the ground up? I responded with enthusiasm, talking about how much I loved my work.
As the interview went on, Maya’s questions became more personal. How was I coping with the job stress? Did I have any hobbies? I answered each question thoughtfully, but my mind spun with thoughts.What were Maya’s hobbies?
I suddenly noticed that Maya had been silent for a few moments too long, shifting nervously on the couch and chewing her bottom lip. I felt a knot in my stomach clench, knowing I wouldn’t like whatever words pushed past her lips next.
Maya’s eyes softened, and I saw a glimmer of something that resembled pity. The knot grew tighter, larger, until a fucking boulder was sitting in the pit of my stomach. I didn’t want her pity.
Her eyes shifted to Matt’s, and he quietly turned the camera off.
“How are you, Jack? Really. I know it’s been a hard couple of years.”
I swallowed past the rock that had settled uncomfortably in my throat.
“I’m fine, Maya. Just busy with work. You know how it is.”
I tried to keep my voice steady. I forced myself to stay still and not shift in my seat. But every muscle, every cell, of my body was screaming at me to run. To get the fuck out of this situation now.
An impossible tension grew between us, changing the air pressure of the whole goddamn room. I felt like I was on an airplane suddenly plummeting from the sky, expecting my ears to pop any second. And then she leaned forward and put her hand on mine. I swore I saw a literal spark when our skin touched, heat and pressure in that one spot on my hand.
“You can talk to me, Jack. You don’t have to pretend everything is okay.”
What the hell?
“I know losing your wife must have been extraordinarily painful. How have you managed to cope and still maintain such high levels of success?”
Just when I thought the moment couldn’t get any more intense…everything snapped. I pulled my hand away from Maya so quickly that she jumped back.
“I’d rather not talk about it,” I said, the ice in my voice threatening to put out the fire in the fireplace.
