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That calms my heart, which has been racing over the four hour drive from Boston to New York. Somehow, I avoided rush hour, leaving the office just after noon.
I power walk to B-14 and peek around the corner, dread heavy in my chest. Every other time I’ve seen Jodie in a hospital bed flits through my mind. But today, she’s sitting up and tapping at the TV remote, a look of consternation on her face.
I exhale loudly and she looks up.
“Mel!”
In seconds, I’m sitting on the edge of the bed, hugging her, and starting to cry. Happy tears, scared tears, relieved and exhausted tears. The pent-up tears of a month of secrets.
“Oh, honey.” She rubs my back and I pull away, smiling at her wetly.
“I’m sorry.You’rethe patient, not me.”
Jodie looks at me sternly and pats the bed. “What’s wrong? What’s been going on, Melanie? I know you keep saying you’re fine, but ever since you moved to Boston you’ve been…off.”
I shake my head. “You first—what happened? Are you okay?” I scan the room for any sign that might clue me in as Jodie waves a hand and explains.
“Nothing serious. I had chest pains for a few days, Mel, and you know how Dr. Salazar is.”
“They said your neighbor brought you in!”
“That’s true—she did. I got winded walking down to the mailbox and sat for a moment. You know Allison, she’s a worrywart.”
“But Dr. Salazar said your heart was strained. So you’re not totally fine, Aunt Jodie.” I give her a stern look, her hands in mine, and she sighs.
“Okay. Maybe I need to take it easier. But I promise, darling, I’m fine. Stable, and they’re watching everything closely. Now tell me—what’s going on with you?”
Reluctantly, I open my mouth and begin to talk. And over the next half hour, everything spills out. Not just an explanation of what’s happened with Jenson, but tears. A lot of tears. A lot of fears, too. I admit to Jodie what I haven’t been able to admit to myself.
“I th-think I like him.” The last word ends on a quiet, drawn out wail, and I feel like I’m seventeen all over again. Scared of losing my best friend the first time he tried to kiss me.
When I dash the tears away, Jodie is watching me with a wicked grin. Her hand in mine feels surprisingly strong, and she squeezes it, saying, “I’m not really seeing a problem here, Mel.”
Then, when she actually laughs, I frown angrily at her.
“What do you mean, you don’t see a problem!? I’m fake-engaged to my ex-boyfriend and lying to an entire company. Plus the public, and whoever is showing up for this charity event.”
“Hmm. So, for the past month you’ve been spending time with a person you love…growing to love them more. And if I remember correctly, you did quite a bit of daydreaming about marrying Jenson Sharpe.”
I give her a shocked expression, not quite sure how she knows that detail.
“I—that’s not the point, Jodie! It’sfake, all of it.”
“It doesn’t sound fake to me, darling.”
I groan, knowing what she’s getting at. “It doesn’t matter howIfeel.”
“I’m not talking about howyoufeel.” When I pause in confusion, she shakes her head, continuing, “Melanie, I love you, but you really can be blind as a bat sometimes. There was no way you were going to walk back into Jenson Sharpe’s life and not win his whole heart, immediately. If you’re in love with him, I don’t doubt for a moment he’s just as—if not more—in love with you.”
My heart sinks, because as much as I want to believe it…there’s just no way. I can’t be that lucky.
I bite my lip, explanations surfacing and immediately being pushed aside.Jenson is more worried about the company than whether or not he has me; Jenson was anything but happy that first day we laid eyes on each other; Jenson isn’t stupid enough to fall—
I shut it all down, suddenly exhausted. Outside, the day is starting to wind down. It’s not dark yet, but close to sunset, and guilt eats away at my insides.
“I’m supposed to be with him right now. At the venue, announcing our engagement.”
Jodie’s face softens into a serious expression. She can hear the worry in my voice and knows where my head is at—even if I had him, I most likely lost him tonight.
