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Why does that make me feel guilty? A blush heats up under the tears and I let Jodie herd me into the kitchen, where she starts putting on tea. A cure-all for any issue, whether a cold or bad dreams.
Or a broken heart.
But a heart can only break if you’re in love, and I’m definitelynotin love with Jenson Sharpe.
At least, that’s what I’ve been telling myself ever since I called him to end things. Before that, even.
“Alright,” Jodie says in a determined voice, sitting across from me. She pushes a cup forward. The calming scent of chamomile immediately catches my attention and I bend over the steam, breathing it in. “Tell me how, exactly, this is good for either of you—denying your feelings.”
I bite my lip.
“It’s different now, Jodie. We’re adults. We’ve built separate lives, we aren’t just kids in the little world of our bedrooms.”
She nods along as I speak, agreeing. “Exactly. And you had, what, almost two months of acting like you were in love for the sake of everyone else. Was it that hard to do?”
Her brows raise and that blush is back again.
“No…”
A grin curls her lips. My aunt just loves being right. “Exactly. You weren’t pretending, sweetie, so why do you think he was?”
I hesitate, really thinking it over.
Maybe because we jumped into sex pretty quickly. We didn’t have much of a choice with showing physical affection—it would be strange for others to see us standoffish, so the touching made sense. But I didn’t need to hop into bed with him so quickly.And it didn’t need to be so damn good.
Was that it, though?
No, not exactly. As much as I worried that Jenson has changed, he hasn’t, not really. Not at his core. He’s still a good person, still trying to do the right thing. Just distracted and a little corrupted by the world he’s a part of now.
But being with him, I saw glimmers of the man he really is. At one point I was even thinking I could draw it out of him.
I don’t realize I’ve spoken these words out loud until Jodie hums in agreement, sipping her tea.
“You were his whole world, Mel. Just think about how hard it was for him when you were ripped away. And then it was just him and his mom.”
She shakes her head sadly, and it strikes me that it’s wonderful my aunt can be so empathetic when she’s experienced her own trauma. Then it sinks in that she’s right. I try to imagine how lonely he must’ve felt when I disappeared. Probably just as lonely as I did a few hundred miles away, scared that I might lose Jodie in an unfamiliar place.
“Mel, whether you realize it or not, you’ve been holding out for Jenson for years. Why do you think none of your relationships ever worked out?”
“Funny you’d even consider them relationships.” I grin back at her, thinking of the short string of guys I dated here and there. Nothing serious at all. Some, I can’t even remember their names.
Jodie sits back, her eyes zeroed in on something on the table.
The check.
I hadn’t realized I carried it in here and dropped it on the table. It sits there like a crumpled paper crane.
“Was that worth it?” She ducks her head at the slip of paper.
I open my mouth to say,Yes, of course,but hesitate.
If I could take it all back, would I?
We’ve already paid off a good little chunk of debt with the money Jenson sent me early on. This will clear another year’s worth, at least.
But was it a fair trade for this heartbreak? For losing out on a relationship that could have been genuine?
Jodie looks at me sadly, brushing a strand of hair away from my face.
