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“So, do I get to hold one?” I ask Maisie, looking into the three cribs that are lined up beside her bed.
“Of course you do.” She smiles.
“Sit there.” Garrett gestures his head to the chair behind me before stepping around the bed. “Which are ya wantin’?”
“Don’t make me choose, I just want to squeeze them all,” I tell him, feeling genuine excitement for the first time in weeks.
“There will benosqueezin’,” he warns, lifting up his tiny baby girl and waiting for me to find the right position before he places her carefully in my arms.
“Be careful with her head.” He hovers over me like a mother hen.
“Relax, I have held a baby before, you know.” I glance over to Maisie who's grinning back at me.
“I don’t care how many you’ve held. Now you’re holdingmybaby, and youwillwatch her precious little head.”
“Got it, Daddy.” I smirk up at him.
“Don’t be offended, Leia, he also feels the need to remind the nurses how to hold them too.” Maisie tries to stop herself from laughing, and when Garrett looks back at her defensively, she reaches out to take his hand.
“Do you think you could go and grab me something from the canteen?” she asks.
“Sure I can, what you wantin’?”
“Surprise me.” She grins back, before he kisses her, does a quick check on the two baby boys, then heads out. He’s barely shut the door before she drops the dreamy look off her face and stares at me sternly.
“So…”
“So, what?” I shrug, cooing over the adorable little girl in my arms to try and avoid what's coming next.
“So… how’s married life treating you?” She shakes her head at me as if I need a reminder that I’m married to a man I don’t love.
It’s only been three days since my wedding to Caleb Mason and I’ve felt completely numb for every single one of them.
“It is what it is, Maisie. I don’t want to talk about it.” I don’t expect her to understand. I had to marry Caleb; the people my father’s got himself caught up with demanded it. I’ve become a part of the regime. For a time, I believed that Wade could help me. He was hope, he was everything I never knew I wanted, and now he ain’t here. I’ve gotta harden my heart to that and let the pain of what he did to me by leaving, turn into hate.
“Guess not even me going into labor was gonna stall it, I’m sorry.” My best friend smiles at me sadly. She knows there’s no light in my future.
“I really thought Wade would show. I messaged him the night before and practically begged him to. I thought he loved me, Maisie.” I hear the crack in my voice when the words roll out, and realizing they will do no good, I quickly snap myself out of it and focus on the baby again. This is a happy time for Maisie, she shouldn’t have it dulled with all my shit.
“I don’t know what to say. We’re all gutted he left. Garrett’s mad at him too. He really wanted him here for this.” She looks at the other two babies and makes that sad smile again.
“He’ll come back to meet these guys though, right?” I check. Wade may not have acted like himself where I’m concerned, but to him, family is everything.
“Garrett face-timed him last night to show him the babies. I really don’t think he’s coming back anytime soon.” The sorrowful look she throws back at me oozes with pity.
“Aren't you leaving for Hawaii tomorrow? I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii.” She changes the subject, trying to make the honeymoon I don’t want to go on sound like something I’ve got to look forward to.
“Maisie, you're the one person I don’t have to pretend with, for the love of God don’t take that away from me.” I get real with her. “We were supposed to leave for Hawaii tomorrow, but there’s been a change of plan. Old Man Mason wants us to stay.” I can’t say I’m disappointed about that fact.
Maisie looks all out of things to say, instead she just makes that pitiful face at me again. I quickly paste on a smile and perk things up. My best friend just did something miraculous, we should celebrate that.
“So have you figured out any names yet?” I stroke my finger over the hand of the little one in my arms.
“You’re holding Breanna, obviously named after Garrett’s sister, and sleeping very soundly over here is Jack and Jacob.” Maisie has a real proud look on her face now, and it’s so infectious that it turns my fake smile into a real one.
“Well, they are all perfect.” I wipe a tear from my eyes when I think about the auntie these little guys will never get to meet. I knew Breanna well enough to know she would have loved being an aunt. Wade assured me that my theory was wrong about Caleb being the guy she was seeing before she died. Which still has me questioning why the Carson men beat the hell out of him a few weeks before our wedding on the night before Wade left town. I can’t see why they would do that if there was no truth in what I discovered. But I also know Wade would never have let me marry him if there was.
It’s all too confusing to try and piece together and I’ve never felt more out of control.
