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I must’ve really needed that sleep, ‘cause when I wake up it’s almost dinner time. I can’t tolerate another silent meal, and figuring that I’ve slacked off enough around here since I’ve been back, I head out onto the yard to tell Garrett I’ll take over.
There’s always plenty to do around here, but with the extra staff Garrett’s taken on, things seem a little less busy. I catch Cole riding back into the yard before I head into the bunkhouse to look for Mitch. Cole’s been taking most of the grid-watching shifts, and I know it’s been in an attempt to avoid Mom. He jumps off his horse's saddle and starts leading him toward the stable, and I meet him at the door.
“You good?” I check, knowing how easy it can be for Cole to fall into his own head. We’re sure, as we can be, that Old Man Mason killed Aubrey, and Cole is yet to get any vengeance for it. I can see that eating him up inside, add to that the fact Mayor Walker’s still walking around town with balls the size of Texas, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why my brother’s tense.
“I’m good.” He nods back at me, taking the saddle off his horse and hanging it over one of the stalls.
“Savannah’s nice, don’t ya think?” I make myself comfortable on one of the bales and watch his dark eyes look up and give me a warning.
“Don’t look at me like that, you can’t pretend you ain’t noticed her. She’s hot. And oddly sweet… in her own kinda way.” I shrug my shoulders.
“If she’s so great, why don’t you go for her yourself?” he growls at me, grabbing a bucket and filling it with water.
“Now you're just talkin’ crazy, you know why. And at least I can say I’m workin’ on that now,” I point out.
“Did ya come in here purposely to annoy me? ‘Cause there are plenty of other things you could be puttin’ your efforts to, Wade.”
“I came out here to check on my big brother, and to remind him that I know a little bit of how he’s feelin’. You ain’t the only one sufferin’ in all this, Cole, we all want the people who hurt the ones we love to pay. Yeah, Garrett’s got a lot of distraction right now, but he’s feelin’ it too, and this waitin’ around shit stinks. Only way to get through it is to focus on how it’s gonna feel when we get it done.” It’s surprising what a hot-as-fuck encounter with the girl you love, and a few hours sleep, can do for your morale. I almost feel like myself again now I got a little hope.
“Killin’ Mason ain’t gonna bring Aubrey back,” Cole speaks so quietly I barely hear him. “Take your enthusiasm somewhere else, Wade.”
“Cole, what I’m tryin’ to tell ya is, the way to get through this is to have a focus, ya gotta want somethin’ good after all this shit is over. Savannah, I think she likes yo—”
“I want him dead,” Cole cuts me off. “That’s my focus, Wade. I see him dead when I sleep, I think about him dead all day while I’m awake. Now, I got Walker in that vision too. I can’t think about what is gonna happen once that shit is done, because those thoughts are the ones that really scare me.” He quickly bolts his horse’s stall shut before storming back out onto the yard.
I do some pointless jobs to keep myself busy before I head back into the main house, and when I get inside I see that Josie’s put me up a plate. I sit in the kitchen by myself and eat, before getting ready to head off toward Leia’s place. Maybe knowing what happened this morning, on Caleb Mason’s kitchen counter, might make it a little easier to endure tonight. I put my plate in the sink and grab my shit before heading out to the yard, and when I notice that there’s a light on in the barn where Grandpa used to keep his bikes, I head on over to check it out.
No one ever comes out here anymore, there are too many bad memories, and Garrett insists on keeping the place exactly how it was before Grandpa died. Stepping closer, I hear the sobs that are coming from inside, and when I creak open the door and find Mom sitting on a crate, any hate I have for her gets forgotten and my instincts tell me to go to her.
“What’s wrong?” I crouch down, wrapping my arm around her back. “Mom, talk to me?”
“I can’t, Wade, there’s too much to say.” She shakes her head.
“Around here, there’s no such thing as that.” I try smiling, but it doesn’t seem to make it better, instead, she breaks into more tears, holding her head in her hands as she rocks back and forth.
“I thought you were happy here, you and Maisie are gettin’ along. You got the babies—”
“You all hate me.” She looks up at me with pain-filled eyes. “I see it, Wade, and it breaks my heart.”
“Mom,” I soften my voice, knowin’ she ain’t gonna like what I’m about to say. “You left us for twenty years. No explanation, no goodbye. You left Dad to take care of us and this place, all by himself.”
“Don’t youdarefeel sorry for him. Not when you have no idea why.” Her hurt suddenly turns to anger and her finger points at me like I’m a child again.
“Then why don’t ya try explainin’, like you were supposed to that night we invited you round here. You bailed on us then too,” I remind her.
“I didn’t bail on you, I was trying to protect you from the truth.”
“What truth? Mom, you can’t expect us to forgive ya if we don’t know what happened. Why did ya leave? It’s time you told us. We’re not kids anymore, we’re men, and not only have we seen some pretty bad shit, we’ve dealt it out too. You want our respect back, then you gotta give us somethin’ to work with.” She looks defeated when she looks back up at me with tear-filled eyes.
“Then you best go and get your brothers.”
* * *
Neither Garrett nor Cole look happy about being dragged from their beds as they stand in front of Mom in the barn where our Grandpa hung himself. I sit beside her and take her hand to show some support before she gives us the answers we’ve been waiting for.
“I know you all hate me for leaving you, and I deserve that hate. No Momma should ever leave her babies behind, and I don’t want you to think that there was a day when I didn’t—”
“Just get to the point,” Cole cuts her off, and I glare him a warning as Mom takes a deep breath and prepares to tell us why she left.
