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“I’m not bringing a child into this,” I tell him firmly, and the silence that falls between us has me hearing my own heartbeat.
“Maybe, you don’t have to.” Dad hangs his head and taps his fingers against his desk.
“What do you mean?” I frown back at him.
“I mean, there are options. You don’t have to have the child at all, you could go to a clinic, tell Caleb you had a misca—”
“You want me to get an abortion?” I touch my hand to my stomach protectively.
“I’m saying it’s an option. There's a place I know of, it’s private and very discreet.”
“Aplaceyou know?” I stare back at him in shock.
“Yes.” He scrambles through his desk drawers, his hands shaking as he tries to locate something. “It’s here somewhere, just let me… here.” He pulls out a business card from the back of his bottom drawer and holds it out for me. Its edges are worn, and it looks a little battered like it’s been there a while, and as I look at the logo of an elm tree I can’t believe the lengths he’s expecting me to go to, to protect him.
“Was it not enough that I gave up my chance of happiness for you? Was marrying me to an abusive cunt not your limit? Now, you want me to get rid of mine and Wade’s baby. For your stupid cause!”
“And what kind of a father do you think Wade Carson will be, Leia? He’s a bronc rider for Christ’s sake. There will be a different woman every night, do you really think he’s gonna want to come home to you and a kid? I thought you were cleverer than that.”
“I’d rather take my chances with thatbronc rider, over the life you chose for me.” I place the card back down on his desk, and just as I’m about to storm out, I notice something written on the back of it. It’s faded, but I can just about make it out.
Quickly picking it back up, I read the date that’s been scribbled next to the appointment section on the back, and realize that it’s a date I recognize.
“What’s this?” I stare at my dad, while my brain tries to make the connection. And when it does my entire body turns cold.
“What’s what?” He shakes his head impatiently.
“This is the date that Breanna Carson died.” I know that because Wade has it tattooed on the inside of his right arm. I asked him about it once as it’s the only ink he’s got, and he told me he did it as a reminder that life is too short for regrets.
“Is it?” Dad shrugs, acting as if it’s no big deal, but I can tell from the sudden look of guilt in his eyes that there’s something he’s hiding
“Yeah, this isn’t a business card, this is an appointment card.” I look up at him and wait for him to tell me I’m wrong. “Why wouldyouhave it?”
“Leia, you should sit down.” I don’t like the way he’s looking at me.
“I don’t want to sit down, I want you to tell me what the fuck this is.” I stare back at him blankly, trying to hold it together while I wait for him to tell me that what I’m thinking isn’t true.
“The girl was in trouble, baby. She came to me for help, and…”
“Why would she have come to you?” There’s a tremble in my voice now, and my heart is beating out my chest.
“Maybe it’s time you understood all this a little better.” Dad looks deflated as he lowers his head again.
“Please don’t tell me it was you.” My fingers tremble as I move them away from the card. My stomach is churning like it’s going to empty and I can taste the sour bile in the back of my throat.
“Breanna loved me, well, at least I thought she did. We had some interactions, it started when she came here to visit Karina one day when she was out, we got talking about literature and the books we liked. The girl was really quite smart.” He makes a sad smile at the memory.
“That’sexactlywhat she was, a girl. A girl who was the same age as your youngest daughter,” I remind him as I start to back away from him.
“We ended up spending more time together, arranged secret meetings. It was exciting.Shewas exciting. I needed something that wasn’t serious, something that took me away from all of this, and Breanna did that. But then she found out she was pregnant.”
“You were the father.” My hands cover my mouth as more tears brim in my eyes.
“We both agreed that she should get rid of it, she was too young. The whole thing would have cost me my position if anyone found out it was mine, not to mention what her brothers would have done. So, I fixed up the appointment, and had everything paid for, all she had to do was show up.”
“She killed herself, Dad, she fuckingkilled herselfover this!” I slam my finger onto the card in pure rage.
“Well, Leia, that's where it all became a problem that involved you,” he tells me, making my breath hitch as I wipe away my tears.
