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I'm still in the midst of my quarter-life crisis when the elevator chimes, and I freeze, staring at the elevator with my breath held. It can't be Nico back already. Can it?
The doors slide open, and Ace's scarred face morphs into surprise at the sight of me. "Fuck, Sybil. You're a hot mess."
Percy strides in next to him and glances around, checking that everything is in order. He arches a brow at me, leaning against the wall and folding his big, burly arms. "He's right. You good?"
I sniff again and look away, sinking into the couch like a petulant child. "Gee, thanks, guys. I'm fine. So, your boss sent you to babysit me while he goes who-the-fuck-knows-where, huh?"
They exchange a glance, and Percy shrugs. "Pretty much."
Ace ventures into the apartment, sitting near me on the couch and looking around, clearly impressed. I notice the gun tucked into the waist of his jeans, just barely visible as a lump under his shirt, and I scoff and fold my arms.
"Can you not carry a gun everywhere you go? God, it makes me anxious."
He smirks. "Funny. It makes me feel nice and secure."
"Sure, until you take a bullet to the head," I scowl at him. "I mean it, Ace. Get out of this kind of life, at least as much as you can. Find some way to help the Attolini family without giving up your future. I mean, God, just look at what it's done to Nico. He just can't let go of the bloodlust."
Percy makes a face and grunts. "Damn. You really don't understand what's going on. You're a little responsible for that bloodlust, you know."
I blink. "What do you mean? It's not my fault he's such a vengeful ass."
"I'll let you in on a secret, short stuff. And Ace, if things don't go the way Boss wants tonight, shut your mouth about this, got it?"
Ace rolls his eyes.
"What's going on tonight?" I press.
Percy rubs his neck and shrugs. "The secret is Nico's one kill away from being the new AttoliniPadrino. That's why he can't let go of the bloodlust. He wants to stop being The Undertaker. This is the only way he can see how to get the future he truly wants, the one with you in it. You know, I was there four years ago, short stuff. I had a front-row seat to how brutal it was on him, having his heart ripped out, losing his idol, and being crushed by Big Man's expectations all at once."
I wince. "I didn't mean to hurt him. I was just—"
He holds up a beefy hand. "Water under the bridge. Just want you to know that Nico didn't get over you those four years if it wasn't obvious already. What I'm trying to say is that you changed his idea of what he wanted for his future. Whatever taste of a normal life you gave him that day made Nico determined to end the feud, make things all peaceful. The Attolinis and Gattos have been feuding for—well, fuck if I know how long. And growing up, his mom was the only buffer he had against the shit going down around him. When she died, Johnny and Nico had nothing but each other and Big Man's obsession for vengeance."
It's almost too easy for me to picture a young Nico—the Boy Scout version of him. All soft, dimpled smiles and adoration for his older brother. I look away, heart hurting at the image. "The one kill he has left to make is Lorenze Gatto. Isn't it?"
Ace sits up, eyes widening. "No shit. Really? They found thatfiglio di puttana?”
"From what I can tell."
I twist the fabric of my blouse over and over, stomach roiling. God, I hate the random morning sickness I get from being pregnant. But right now, I just feel nauseous at the thought of Nico hunting down the seasoned mafioso who murdered his mother.
Then I squint at Percy. "So, you think it's my fault Nico became The Undertaker?"
Percy shrugs. "I think it's your fault he's so determined to becomePadrino, nothing more or less. Once he takes the lead of the Attolini family, he's going to make a shit-ton of changes. He hates how violent the feud is."
Ace makes a face. "I thought Boss likes violence."
"Maybe in the moment, but you always see it in his face afterward—he fucking hates it. I think it's because the thought of turning into his father makes him sick. Which I get, no offense to Big Man."
Shit. I sink further into the couch, grimacing as the image of Nico's hurt expression flashes through my mind. He'd composed himself so quickly after our argument that I figured he was just smarting from his injuries in the fight. Clearly, I'm the least observant person ever.
Guilt bites at me as I recall all of my words and his. We're a mess, but God, I'm worried sick over him. And I need him to get back soon so I can tell him that I don't really think he's anything like Johnny Big Man. Sure, during the dinner, it was clear he isn't bothered by his father's hatred for the Gattos, but it's like his father said—he takes after his mother. His heart feels everything, and I saw that four years ago. No one like Nico could ever become another Big Man.
If only I could blame our fight on hormones. Pregnancy has put my emotions all over the place, so I guess I could. But no. Nico was right. I started that because I'm more than a little freaked out about how intense this is between us.
Truth be told, I always have been. If Percy thinks Nico didn't get over me the past four years, it's a semblance of comfort because God knows he haunted me. I wasn't just not dating a ton because of low options. I just didn't think anything would ever compare to honest turquoise eyes and a golden-hearted mafioso who made me come undone like no one ever had before.
Fuck. I'm helplessly in love with him.
