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“I was afraid,” he confessed now, and Win jerked his head back, away from Mathieu’s grip. Eyes wide. Mouth too.
“You’re Mathieu Pascal.” He said it as if it was the most wondrous thing. “You’re not afraid of anything.”
Mathieu would laugh if his chest didn’t feel so heavy. If his throat wasn’t so tight. “I’m afraid of you.” Win’s breath hitched. “And I’m afraid for you. Bishop had been easy because he wasn’t you. There was no pressure, no worry. No fear.”
Hurt contorted Win’s features and Mathieu palmed the back of his head, bringing him into his chest. Into his embrace. Win didn’t fight, but he wasn’t eager either. Mathieu cleared his throat. “Despite what you must have thought, I didn’t love him.” Took a while before he was able to untangle those feelings as well. Seeing and dealing with Bishop in New York had made it all crystal clear. “He was relief at first. Distraction. But then you found out and left.” As he should have; Mathieu didn’t blame him. “And he was there. I grew to care for him while I mourned you and me and what I’d done.” But with Bishop…it’d always been tainted. It’d always been different. Lesser, if he was being totally honest with himself. And then Bishop betrayed him. Stole from him.
“You destroyed what we had because you didn’t think you could protect me?” Win asked. “You were afraid what happened to your dad would happen to me so you broke my heart in order to get me out of your life and away from potential danger?”
Mathieu snorted at the incredulity in Win’s voice. When he put it like that, it sounded so fucking stupid and unnecessary. “I didn’t come to that realization until much, much later, when it was already too late to sit you down and open up about what I was feeling. Which I should have done, but I chose the cowardly way out, and for that, I’m so fucking sorry, Win.”
Win broke their gaze to stare down at the bed, fingers plucking at the sheet. “Nothing hurt as badly as what you did.Nothing.” His voice broke and Mathieu’s heart did too.
“I know.” He nodded gravely. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I wish I could go back.” The words shook as badly as the hand he touched to Win’s neck. “I wish I could go back.”
Win met his gaze with wet eyes. “But you can’t.”
“No, I can’t.” Mathieu took a deep breath. “But Win, if you give me another chance, I promise to protect you the way I should have before. I promise I won’t ever hurt you the way I did before. I promise you’ll be safe with me—your body and your heart. I promise. Just…” He wished he had something more profound to say other than, “Please, trust me one last time.”
Win licked his lips. “I—”
A thump came on the bedroom door. “Boss.” Jason and his shitty timing.
Mathieu sighed. “What?” he yelled.
“Uh.” Jason hesitated. “There’s someone at the main gate demanding to see you.”
“I’m busy.”
Jason cleared his throat. “Uh. So, he’s been out there almost an hour now. We already told him that but he’s not leaving.”
Goddamn it. “Who is it?” Jason didn’t answer right away and Mathieu frowned. “Jason?”
“Yeah. It’s uh…It’s Roe.”
Next to Mathieu, Win tensed. “Roe as in your latest fuck buddy? That Roe?”
Shiitt.
34
Every step Win took,every move he made, he felt Mathieu’s bites and fingerprints. The reminder made his body ache and yearn for more. But here he stood now, dressed and out of bed, as he watched Mathieu get dressed to go see another man.
A man Mathieu used to fuck.
Were he and Roe still fucking?
Mathieu hadn’t asked how Win knew about Roe. Win would’ve told him he paid attention and listened when the guards whispered among themselves.
“Come on.” Mathieu brushed a hand over his chin, darkened with stubble, then held out that same hand to Win.
Win stared at him. “You want me to come with you while you go see your lover.” What the fuck?
Mathieu held his gaze. “I asked you to trust me earlier. Can you do that? Can you trust me?” His hand remained extended to Win as he waited patiently.
Win remembered the words Mathieu spoke to him just moments ago in that bed.“If you give me another chance, I promise to protect you the way I should have before. I promise I won’t ever hurt you the way I did before. I promise you’ll be safe with me—your body and your heart.”
He also remembered his own words that had been on the tip of his tongue before Jason interrupted them. He dropped his gaze from Mathieu’s face to that hand reaching for him. Now was the time, wasn’t it? The time when he made his choice. The time when he either stayed or left. He’d returned his body to Mathieu’s safekeeping, but was he brave enough to do the same with his heart? Could he move in faith and give Mathieu his trust?
