Page 37 of What Love Is


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She sipped her wine. “So, you’re bi?”

He shook his head, gaze on his plate as he speared one of those tender potatoes with his fork. “Pansexual. I’m attracted to people, regardless of their gender or sexual identity.”

She wasn’t familiar with that one, but it didn’t matter. It fit him somehow, in a way she couldn’t explain. There was something about him that was so inviting and accepting. There were moments when she forgot how dangerous he actually was, when she forgot about his family tree and whose blood ran through his veins. In those moments he was just Julián, beautifully vulnerable, out of her reach even as she couldn’t help but place herself within his.

They made small talk after that, bullshit conversation that felt anything but. And halfway through dessert, he said, “Tell me about being married to Christopher Cook.”

She almost choked on her wine and her hand trembled slightly when she placed it down next to her plate. He watched her closely; she felt his stare as she turned her gaze to her napkin, delicately wiping her mouth. She didn’t doubt for a second that he caught the reaction his words elicited.

She didn’t like to talk about Christopher because it put her in a light she resented. Weak. Helpless. Beholden. But the man waiting quietly for her to speak had given her so much of himself. The least she could do was reciprocate even the smallest bit. She cleared her throat, meeting his gaze over the lit candles.

“I was sixteen, he was twenty-six.” She kept her voice steady as best she could. “I was walking home from school and he hung his head out a car window and called me beautiful.”What’s up, beautiful?“I grew up with a preacher for a father and a meek housewife for a mother. They didn’t warn me about men like Christopher. All they told me was to pray and read my Bible. Until he called me beautiful, no one had. Until he asked to take me out, nobody had. Until he made me feel wanted, nobody had.”

Her mouth went dry so she picked the wine back up, gaze dropping to watch it slosh around as she brought it to her lips and took a big swallow. Without looking up, she knew Toro watched her with that quiet way of his, all his focus on her, patiently waiting for her next words. Her next move.

“I snuck away to meet him. I gave him my virginity. And when I started throwing up, my mother figured out I was pregnant. I brought Christopher home then. My father knew who he was, his reputation, and he forbade me to see Christopher, but I wasn’t about to listen to him.” She lifted her chin, staring into Toro’s eyes when she said, “I was going to be with the father of my child. He was going to marry me. School didn’t matter because Christopher would take care of me. He loved me, you see. He told me that.” She chuckled at her own stupidity. “I left with him that day, carrying just one bag of clothes that he made me throw away before we even got into his car. He would buy me more, he said. And when we got to his home, he told me I would be having an abortion.”

She drank the last of her wine and grabbed the bottle, refilling her glass.

“I did what he wanted. I aborted our child. And it would be the start of me doing what he wanted me to. My parents turned their backs on me. My two sisters too.” She fisted her hands atop the table. There weren’t a lot of things she regretted now, but she regretted the loss of her family. Her sisters, especially. They were gone now—one from cervical cancer and another from complications from diabetes. Old age took her parents when she was still with Christopher and he’d taken much pleasure in breaking the news to her. “He wanted me to sleep with friends and rivals alike…”

Toro’s expression turned murderous on her behalf and if she could love anyone, she knew at that moment, it would be him. If there was a man she could love, it would be the one feeling her anger and pain as if they were his own.

“I had nothing of my own,” she told Toro softly. “I had no one. He made sure of it. His business grew until he was untouchable with help from those men he made me sleep with. I was eighteen when I got pregnant—” Her voice cracked then and she flinched at the blatant way it betrayed her emotions. “—when I got pregnant with Colin—Israel. After Christopher made me give him away, that was the moment I truly woke up. That was the moment I started paying attention and leveraging who I was to him and what I could do. I studied his methods, his business, until I knew it inside out. It took years.” So many years enduring hell, doubting if she’d ever be able to pull off what she wanted to. “But I finally made my move.”

“You killed him.”

Toro’s voice was a rumble. Thunder and candlelight. The contrast made her ache. She nodded. “I took pleasure in it,” she confessed calmly. “I made sure he knew what was happening when I sat on his chest in our bed and put the gun between his eyes. He never thought I’d be capable of it until I showed him just who I was, what he’d made me into.” Her lips twitched at the memory of his wide eyes and pale face, the way he’d tried to talk her down.“His brains decorated our white pillows beautifully.”

“Then you took over.”

She sat back, head cocked, lifting the wineglass in her hand in a small salute. “Then I took over.” She’d kept Christopher’s death under wraps for a while, operating the business from the shadows while she’d put safeguards in place to protect herself. Then she’d stepped into the light. There were lots of men who’d resented her taking up space in a male-dominated arena. She’d had to be brutal to show that her gender didn’t mean shit. She’d had to be untouchable and she’d had to ensure the business remained profitable.

It was. Two years after taking over, she’d more than doubled the profits. It’d started out as something shehadto do to prove herself, leading the business, and now, she loved it. Loved everything that came with it.

Regrets were few. But she still had them.

“I’m in awe of you,” Toro told her. His voice wrapped her in warmth, had winged creatures taking flight in her belly.

She’d had so many lovers, been with so many men, and none of them had done this to her. None of them had stripped her down to only feeling or put her on her knees with just words.

Soft words. If he were anyone else she’d suspect him of saying any old shit just to get up inside her pussy. If he were anybody else, they wouldn’t be here.

If he were anybody else, she wouldn’t put down her wine glass, get to her feet, and undress right there. They fell at her feet, her clothes, and she felt as if she were revealing more than her physical form to him. He watched her with bright eyes filled with want, with love, with respect, so she went to him, closing the distance until she was at his side. She took his hand closest to her, bringing it up to rest between her tits.

He fucked her with those eyes of his, and the slide of his tongue across his bottom lip had her thighs clenching. She was all slippery, achy, needy.

“Julián.”

His nostrils flared. He held himself so still. Waiting for her. Always waiting for her. It made her clit throb even as her heart broke a little. She felt his tremors in the hand she held to her chest. She read his need in the sharp angles of his face, in the way his tongue kept up that slide across his lips as if he were licking up her taste from the air.

“I want you,” she whispered. “Nobody but you.”

He jumped to his feet, swinging her up into his arms bridal style, blowing out the candles before trudging up the stairs. She clung to him, arms around his neck, gazing up into his eyes. She didn’t know how he didn’t trip on the stairs when he wasn’t watching where he was going.

He watched her, and under his scrutiny she bloomed, soft and wet. Under his scrutiny, she felt delicate.

In the bedroom, he dumped her onto the bed then yanked off his clothes, climbing up between her thighs and sliding backward, burying his face in her pussy, fingers spreading her ass apart. She screamed, grabbing his head with both hands, keeping his face pushed all the way in there. He didn’t seem to care about breathing and she didn’t care about it either, not at that moment. Not when his tongue slid through her folds and he hummed hungrily, lapping at her, sucking on her clit.

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