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He positioned his chair close enough to his mother for him to reach for her hand, stroke her knuckles, tell her things. He kept hold of his phone in his other hand, and he wanted more than anything to call Seraphina. To hear her voice. There was nothing and no one else that could make him feel better at that moment.
Only Sera.
But she’d chosen, so he had to constantly fight the urge to dial her number.
Exhaustion had his eyes closing again until someone touched his shoulder. His eyes flew open, and he jerked his head up.
Seraphina stood over him. Concern in her eyes. Worry. Sadness. Regret too.
He wanted to be mad at her, to hold on to that faint spark of anger. But she was there, so he surged to his feet, barreled into her arms, and held on to her instead.
32
She held him.
It was as if time reversed and for a few precious moments, it was just him and Seraphina, like they’d been back at the house in Delaware…
Until an announcement came over the PA system. Until the beeping of the machines his mother was hooked up to filtered in through the spinning in his brain. Questions came to life and died on his tongue.
Toro released Seraphina, stepping back, dropping into his chair. He quaked inside, full-on angry heat building and building now that they were no longer touching. His leg bounced.
“Julián.”
“Why are you here?” He couldn’t look at her. Too much emotion filled the room, wrapping around him and squeezing the fuck out of him. He couldn’t breathe.
“I wanted to be by your side.”
As if that made it all better. How had she known about any of this? He made himself look at her then, taking in the worry he fucking hated in her eyes. She stood with her hands behind her back, and he knew enough about her to know that even though he couldn’t see it, her fingers would be twisted around each other—a nervous tell he doubted very much she recognized in herself. “Who told you?”
She glanced away, and when her gaze returned to him, it held a hint of apology. “I have one of my men on you.”
He barked a broken sound meant to be a laugh. Of course she did. “All this time, huh?” Even when she abandoned him, she did this. He was equal parts surprised and not.
“Yes.”
He rubbed his jaw, shaking his head. “So this is pity. You being here is out of pity.”
It was her turn to laugh. “You should know me better than that.”
“I should.” He met her gaze somberly. “But you’ve given me nothing to think differently. You showing up doesn’t cut it.”
Her head dipped in a nod and after a pause she strode to the door, disappearing with a softclack-clackof her heels on the smooth floor. His leg kept doing that bouncing thing as he swallowed, fingers digging into the arm of his chair. The itch to follow, to chase after her, was there. But no, that time was over. So, he inched his chair closer to his mother, taking her limp hand, stroking her knuckles.
Pretending a large gash hadn’t opened up inside him at Seraphina’s appearance. Growing bigger still at her abrupt exit.
The door opened, and he glanced over his shoulder to see Seraphina had returned. With a chair she placed next to him. She sat.
He didn’t speak.
Instead, he just kept stroking his mother’s hand, willing her to get better, while the machines beeped, and doctors and nurses were paged incessantly overhead.
But other than that, there was only silence.
And Seraphina’s presence.
Ignoring it, her, was a struggle. But he figured he’d already given her enough. He had nothing left. She’d taken everything and discarded him. He owed her nothing, certainly not his words.
His uncles returned, both of them barely showing any outward sign of surprise when they found Seraphina with him. They brought clothes and more food that they placed on the small table and ordered him to eat before leaving. He forced himself to get up long enough to step into the bathroom and splash water on his face before changing his clothes.
