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“I’m here because you needed me more. I’m here because it was time I chose you. Time I put you first.”
He stared at her, the coffee in his hand forgotten. It couldn’t have been easy, leaving her son to come to Toro. Israel was all she saw, all she ever wanted to see, and she’d put that aside to be at Toro’s side? He pushed that down, though, refusing to soften toward her. What she’d done to him—to them—was fucked up and her being there now didn’t automatically wipe it all away.
“Julián.”
He pressed his lips together against the frisson of heat that speared him every time she used his name. It’d been a sucker move, handing her all the ammunition she would ever need to decimate him. “I heard you went to see Van,” he said. “He and Levi are somewhere inside…” He motioned to the building they’d just exited. “Stay away from them.”
Hurt made her eyes glisten. “Donovan and I have arrived at something of an agreement. I have no issues with him.”
“Yourissues aren’t the problem,” Toro murmured.
She dipped her chin. “You’re right.” After a lengthy pause, she asked, “Can we put your obvious disdain for me aside for a while so that I can ask how you’re feeling with your mother in that hospital bed? Will you tell me the truth?”
Toro debated whether or not to respond to that question. He didn’t want to open up to her and have her leave the way she’d done before. He didn’t want to turn over any more of his vulnerability to her; she’d already taken enough from him. But he still answered. “I’m terrified she won’t wake up. I’m terrified that if she does wake up, she might not be the same. And I feel guilty I wasn’t there.” He fisted his free hand at his side. “I should have been there with her instead of wasting my time with someone who didn’t appreciate me.”
Seraphina flinched. “Appreciating you was never the problem.” She sighed. “Everything I know about your mother I got from having known you, which tells me she’s strong and a fighter. Shewillwake up and whenever that happens, whatever comes next, she will face it head-on, with all of that fierceness and confidence she passed on to you.”
Toro glanced away, the vehemence in her words making his throat work. He wanted so desperately to believe that he found himself grasping those words, holding them close.
“Julián.”
The way she whispered his name should be a sin. Part of the ten commandments.Thou shalt not drive a man to his fucking knees with just a mere whisper of his name.
“You have nothing to be guilty about,” she said. “Your mother loves you and she understands the kind of man you are. I mean, you’re her son, after all. She wouldn’t want you beating yourself up over things you can’t change.”
A figure appeared behind her in the doorway. His uncle.
“Toro.” Daniel glanced from Seraphina to him. “The doctors need you.”
34
Seraphina stoodnext to Toro as the doctors gave him a rundown of his mother’s latest test results. They all looked promising, the best they could hope for, and they were just waiting for Patricia to open her eyes so they could more properly gauge her prognosis. But they were positive she’d be fine.
Once the doctors left, she remained at Toro’s side as he hovered at the door to his mother’s room before finally taking a deep breath and entering. Seraphina lingered outside just long enough to make a couple of phone calls, then joined him inside. He was in his usual position: seated in his chair and leaning over to his mother, her limp hand clasped in his.
Seraphina still wasn’t sure of her welcome, though it’d been a few days and he hadn’t yet physically removed her from his side. A wishful part of her—one she hadn’t known existed until she’d met Toro—wanted to believe he wanted her there. That she gave him something he needed. But he didn’t speak to her unless she instigated the conversation and even then, they always devolved into the many mistakes she’d foolishly made.
She’d handled this thing between them so fucking badly and she doubted Toro would give her a second chance to fix things, but it didn’t matter. Not now. She was there because he needed her, and there was no way in hell she’d let him go through any of this by himself. Yes, he had his uncle and Stavros. Levi and Van were somewhere out there too, but she hadn’t laid eyes on them and she didn’t want to.
Toro was her focus.
He rarely left his mother’s side. He’d shower and change using the bathroom inches away, guzzle coffee, and talk to the unconscious bedridden woman as if she could respond. Seraphina ached for him, for the heartbreak cracking his voice and bowing his head. She wanted to offer him comfort, but he already barely tolerated her presence. So she stayed at his side, watching over him like she’d promised Daniel she would when he’d dragged her aside and demanded to know her intentions.
Her phone went off and she retrieved it from her handbag. A text from Israel.How is he?
She didn’t know what she could have possibly done in a past life to have this moment, but she didn’t question it. Instead, she sent back a quick text with an update, a smile on her face.
“Something I’m keeping you from?” Toro asked. When she jerked her head up, she found him staring at her, expression stony. “Don’t let me stop you from leaving.”
“That was Israel checking up on you.” She joined him, sinking into the chair she’d positioned next to his. Close, but not too close as to crowd him. “I was with him when I got the news about your mother.” She’d thought walking away from Israel and getting on that plane would be harder than it actually was. The initial angst of making the choice had melted away and the rightness of her decision had settled over her shoulders once she’d buckled herself into the seat of the plane Israel told her Reggie owned. Maybe it would have hurt more if Israel’s reaction had been different, if he hadn’t remained in contact.
This text was his fourth or fifth since she’d arrived.
He cared. Her son cared. It made her heart happy, but sitting here with Toro did too. Maybe more.
There were a lot of things she was still learning, namely that she didn’t have the ability to make someone love her, to make them want to be a part of her life. And she’d learned that Toro deserved more than she’d given thus far.
“Julián.”
