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Ilit the joint Brenna had given me as I listened to Conor talk about how he was going to meet with his contacts who supplied his pillar, weapons.
“When do you meet with them?” I cut my uncle off after taking a puff.
Everyone glanced at me.
“Tomorrow morning,” Conor answered.
I nodded as I blew smoke through pursed lips. “I’ll be joining you.”
“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea,” Conor said. He shot a glance at Stefan, who was doing his best to mask his surprise, before continuing. “Those Irish bastards get real nervous—”
“Then you will explain to them that Stefan’s daughter and heir to this family, which happens to be their biggest buyer this side of the pond, will be tagging along.” My tone was firm and brooked no argument. I turned my attention on Rourke. “I’m assuming you will be reaching out to your buyers next?”
He nodded.
“Who will you be reaching out to first?” I questioned.
Rourke grinned. “I’m meeting up with a local MC this weekend.” He pointed behind me. “I’ll tell your little secretary the time and place after the meeting so you can join me.”
I glanced over my shoulder and saw Brenna typing on her phone. She looked up at Rourke with a blank stare before her gaze met mine.
I looked back at Rourke. He leaned back in his chair with laughter in his eyes.
I took another puff and looked to Sean. “By Monday I want your books and I want a list of your buyers and dealers.”
Sean’s mouth opened and I cut him off before he could protest. “Within the next month, plan on me going with you to Boston. I expect to have a full tour of your facilities and meet every employee. Before I return to New Haven, I better know all things weed.”
The tension Sean put off was palpable. “I don’t answer to you. I sit at this table—”
“Actually, you do,” I cut him off. “I run the drug pillar in this family. Your business is marijuana, which falls under drugs. Therefore, you answer to me. As for this special table…well, you’re sitting in Dylan’s seat if you want to get technical. He answered to Samuel, who ran drugs, and again, that’s my job. If those explanations aren’t good enough for you, let me ask you this: Whose fucking chair do I sit in?”
Sean looked ready to lose it and I was ready.
“Be very careful with what you say next, Sean,” Stefan said in a quiet and deathly calm voice.
I was equally surprised as I was disappointed that Stefan had come to my defense. I was one more push away from Sean damning himself and I would’ve been justified in killing the bastard.
“When does the cocaine shipment come in?” Stefan asked me.
“In a few days.” Before he could ask, I added, “I will set up a meeting with the don as soon as the shipment is in my possession.”
“I think that’s enough for today,” Stefan said, dismissing everyone. As I went to stand, Stefan stopped me. “Maura, a word?”
I told Brenna to leave without me, and as I went to turn back around in my chair to face Stefan, I noticed Sean was watching Brenna. His eyes were fixed on her like a hawk tracking its prey as she walked out of the room.
As soon as the door closed behind the last person to leave, Stefan asked, “If I ask you how you’re feeling, will you actually answer?”
I got up and walked over to the liquor trolley that was up against the wall, opposite from the doors. I stubbed out my joint in the glass ashtray that was on the middle shelf. “How long did you succumb to your worst self?” When he didn’t answer right away and I could feel that he was thinking of a way to deflect, I grabbed the crystal decanter of whiskey and poured a finger each into two glasses. “When you’ve spent so long as your darker self, it becomes harder to let it go.”
Stefan watched me as I walked over and set a glass down in front of him. “Is that what it is to you? Your darker self?”
I took a sip from my own glass as I made my way back to my chair. “Something like that.”
“We all carry darkness in us. What sets us apart is how much we let it consume us,” he said as he picked up the glass in front of him and twiddled it in his fingers. “To answer your question…I never let my darker self go. There isn’t me and that side of me anymore. It’s very much a part of who I am today.”
That explained why he could detach so easily.
“I think I take after you a little too much,” I said before taking another sip. Stefan had been right. I wasn’t gone. Not completely, anyway. There were still broken pieces that remained hidden beneath all the pain and rage. During this past week, I’d come to realize that I might not ever be able to glue those pieces back together. I could, however, use my darkness to hold them together, which cemented the fact that my darkness wasn’t going anywhere. “It’s been hard finding a balance. It’s so easy to be an unfeeling, coldhearted bitch.”
