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I wished I had my phone so I could look up what to do.
I let out a frustrated noise and went to turn on the shower. As I washed my hair, I tried to convince myself that I was seeing things. I refused to look in the mirror when I got out. Instead, I wrapped my hair up in a towel and went to go get dressed first.
I returned to the bathroom, praying to any deity who would listen that my hair would be orange. Steeling myself for what I knew was to come, I pulled the towel from my hair.
Wet, pink strands fell to my shoulders.
I will not cry over hair. I will not cry over hair.
With a clenched jaw, I plugged in the hairdryer I had just bought during our trip to town and began drying my hair. By the time I was done, I felt…I felt a lot. Sadness was the stronger emotion weighing on me, because I didn’t see myself in the mirror. I saw Shayla.
Her hair had been a light cotton-candy pink, but mine was a little bit darker. It was more of a pink rose color, but it was close enough to play tricks on my eyes. When said eyes began to burn, I forced myself to look away. To avoid the temptation, I left the bathroom and went to sit on the edge of my bed.
What a terrible day,I thought as I lay back.What a handful of terrible days.
Terriblewas an understatement.
I wanted to go for a run. The type of run that would make me feel sore for days. I wanted to feel that hurt. I almost craved it. Because it was a bearable, controlled type of pain, unlike everything I was feeling right now. Disappointment was the only thing holding me back. My guys’ disappointment. Dr. Bolton’s disappointment. My disappointment.
I just needed a break from the overwhelming weight I was carrying. Just one tiny break.
8
I endured lyingthere for a whole five minutes before I had to get up and get busy. Why? Because my mind drifted to Mr. X again and the urge to rip off my skin just to remove the feel of him nearly sent me over the edge of insanity. And if I let myself reach that point, I really would backslide.
It was dinnertime. I honestly was not in the mood to cook, which just showed how messed-up I was feeling.
For my sanity, I pushed myself toward the door. As I reached to open it, I froze when my eyes caught on the ends of my hair.
I had never not wanted to be in my body more than I did right then. Gritting my teeth, I grabbed the brown knitted beanie I’d worn to town yesterday and put it on. After stuffing all of my hair into it, I left my room.
All four of my guys were hanging out in the living room. They went quiet as I entered, and I could feel them watching me as I headed to the kitchen.
“I’m guessing your hair didn’t turn out the way you wanted,” Colt said as I opened the fridge.
“No.” The curt word fell from my lips before I could even remind myself not to take out my frustration on them. I looked around in the fridge as I went over in my head what to make. I pulled out everything I’d need to make a simple baked chicken meal. As I set everything on the counter, I felt one of them come over.
“Shi,” Creed said from right behind me. “Is this another sweatshirt situation?”
I stiffened for a breath before turning to face him. “No.” This time, I was able to soften my voice before speaking.
Frowning, he reached toward my head.
I moved without thought. My hand shot out to block him from touching my beanie and I stepped out of his reach. “I love you, but I will ground you,” I warned angrily.
Keelan chuckled in the living room as he watched us.
Creed’s frown shifted into a smirk. “It can’t be that bad.”
I didn’t respond. The last thing I wanted to do was pique his curiosity more. Unfortunately, the determined glint in his eye told me it was too late. He wouldn’t back off.
“You can’t wear a hat forever, Shi. You might as well rip off the Band-Aid now and get it over with,” he said.
Unless I really wanted to put my boyfriend on his butt and risk hurting him, I really only had one option. “Would you still find me attractive if I was bald?” Only reason I asked was because I was seriously feeling the impulse to take scissors to my hair. I wouldn’t, though. What I was feeling would pass. I just had to keep reminding myself of that.
“Yes,” they all said without hesitation.
I sighed. “You all said that a little too quickly,” I grumbled as I moved over to the cabinet that held the pots and pans. I grabbed a skillet and as I set it on the stove, I felt Creed come up behind me. He grabbed my beanie. I closed my eyes as it was removed, and my hair fell to my shoulders.
