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It took me a few seconds to realize what he was asking. Gaping, I turned my head to the side so I could look at him.
“I can’t erase what he did, but if you’re comfortable with it, I can help you forget him for a little while,” he said.
“I thought using sex as a distraction was bad.”
“It is bad if you’re using it to completely avoid dealing. You’re overwhelmed to the point of breaking because all you’ve been doing is facing shit that has been thrown at you today. You’re allowed a break.”
For a split second, I felt dirty, like I was damaged somehow and he was only wanting to have sex with me to fix me. Then I quickly imagined lighting that toxic thought on fire. Knox loved me and he would never sleep with me for just the sake of helping me. “Is this really how you want our first time to be?”
“I would offer to go get one of my brothers, but I don’t think I can leave you right now.”
I pushed up on my elbows. “Why?”
His eyes locked with mine and I could see that he was struggling to contain his anger. “I don’t like that he touched you,” he said as if that explained why.
It didn’t. At least, not at first, but then I remembered his reasons why he hadn’t come to me the night Mr. X had. The hang-up in our relationship had been his worry of jealousy. He had been unsure if he could share me with his brothers. Since then, we had learned he could. However, someone other than his brothers had touched me.
“You’re feeling possessive.”
He sighed through his nose. “Yes and no. I know that makes me a fucking bastard, but you’re mine. Someone hurt you when you should’ve been with me, and I can’t fucking stand it.”
I opened my mouth to argue that it hadn’t been his fault when he said, “I know, Shiloh.”
If he knew, then why did he sound so angry with himself? Then I realized what I was seeing. I wondered how we’d swapped places. Normally, I was the one who was too riddled with guilt to see reason.
I didn’t know why, but I was fighting not to smile. Since it had been days since the last time I’d smiled, there was a possibility I’d gone mad. Or maybe it was because it was stupidly wonderful to be on this side of things. To see, feel, and understand my guys’ perspectives instead of imagining them.
I got to my feet, determined to battle his guilt with him and to help satiate his possessive side. Not just for him, but for myself, too. I wanted that break he offered, badly. To be honest, he had already granted me it and I wasn’t ready for it to end.
“We don’t have to do anything. I can just hold you…”
He trailed off when I reached for the bottom of my sweater and took it off. I wasn’t wearing anything underneath. Not even a bra. I walked toward him as I unbuttoned my pants. I stopped to shove them down. He pushed away from the door and knelt before me to help remove my jeans from my knees down. I put my hands on his shoulders so I wouldn’t fall as I stepped out of each pant leg and then my socks.
Standing in front of him in nothing but pale blue underwear, my heart started to race. A small part of me wished I had chosen to wear something a little bit sexier. Unfortunately, all I had here was plain bras and panties, apart from the superhero lingerie I’d traveled here in.
Knox tossed my jeans and socks to the side and his intense, gorgeous, golden-brown eyes moved up my body, starting at my feet. His hands cupped the backs of my calves and traveled up with his gaze. As his warm palms smoothed up the backs of my thighs, he leaned forward, pressing his lips to my lower stomach just above the top of my panties. He let go of my thighs to hook his fingers into the sides of my underwear and slid it off.
His mouth never left my lower stomach as he helped me remove the last scrap of clothing I wore. He kissed me from hip to hip and as soon as I was totally naked, that mouth drifted south. He took his time as he made his journey down and I found myself pushing up to my tiptoes wanting to speed things along.
He huffed a laugh over my sex when he realized what I was doing. Grasping the backs of my thighs just below my butt cheeks, he smirked up at me. “You’re impatient.”
I squeezed his shoulders. “How patient would you be if I was kneeling—”
My words were cut off when his hands slid up to my butt cheeks as his mouth came down on top of my clit. His fingers gripped me firmly as he brought his tongue into play by stroking it through the folds of my pussy.
Gasping, my hands went to the back of his head. I tried not to hold him too tightly, but my legs were beginning to shake. They nearly gave out when he started flicking that tongue on my clit. “Knox,” I whimpered.
He pulled away and stood, forcing my hands to drop from behind his head. His mouth found mine and I could taste myself on his tongue as he stroked it along mine.
Without breaking our kiss, he lifted me into his arms bridal-style and carried me across the room. He put a knee on the bed so that he could lay me down with a gentleness that I wasn’t expecting. I pulled away to meet his eyes to see what he was thinking. To my surprise, the intensity I normally felt when he stared at me seemed different. It wasn’t any less intense. It just wasn’t sharp. It had softened. Was this what he looked like behind his many, many shields?
I’d known after the first few times interacting with him that I would never be worthy in his eyes just based on my character alone. To see this side of him, I had to withstand the way he challenged and pushed. I saw it for what it was, and I hadn’t backed down. I never would.
Holding himself up with one arm on the mattress by my head, his eyes narrowed a little. “What is it?”
I cupped his face and leaned up to give him a quick kiss. “I love you.”
His brows rose a little. “I know.”
