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I wanted to tell him to not bother. That he was wasting his time. I didn’t feel a beginning or ending to what I was feeling. I was lost in the smoke as my rage burned all around me. I had never wanted to kill anyone before. I had wanted Mr. X dead, but I had never reached a point where I wanted to do it myself.
“Do you want to have sex or do you want to spar, baby girl?” Keelan asked, making me realize that I had gotten lost in my thoughts.
“Why are those my only options?” I asked.
He stroked my cheek again. “Because you need an outlet for that anger.”
I debated, but I quickly realized that there wasn’t anything to debate. I without a doubt did not want to spar with Keelan when I was angry. I didn’t want to risk testing my anger like that. Not with him.
Mind made up, I shifted underneath him and rolled us. He let me pin him on his back without resistance and just grinned up at me. I leaned down and gave him a quick kiss before climbing to my feet. “I want to take a shower,” I said as I started walking toward the hall.
Creed had moved into the living room and was sitting on the loveseat. Knox was standing by the couch we had been sleeping on and Colt was standing by the fireplace. They watched me as I approached the hall.
Before I walked down it, I turned and looked back at Keelan, who was still on the floor looking flabbergasted. “Aren’t you coming?” I asked him.
Keelan had always been the quickest to process and recover from things and right now wasn’t any different. He shot to his feet and rushed to me, but paused as he was about to pass Knox. Keelan stared across the couch at him. “Last night put me in a competitive mood.”
“You’re not the only one,” Creed grumbled as Colt sighed and took a seat next to his twin.
“I love you, brother, but I can’t let you outdo me,” Keelan said in a way that seemed lighthearted, yet held a hint of seriousness.
Knox folded his arms over his bare chest and the corner of his mouth twitched as he stared back at Keelan. “Good luck.”
Keelan gave him a downright feral grin before coming to me. He grabbed my hand and pulled me to my bedroom. I noticed a determined look on his face as he shut the bedroom door and took me into the bathroom. It seemed my jokester of a boyfriend was gone.
He let go of my hand to turn on the shower and I leaned against the sink. “I don’t know if I should be upset or not that you two are competing over sex with me.”
His back was to me, but I still heard him huff a laugh. He reached behind his head and pulled his shirt off, revealing all his pretty tattoos. When he turned to face me, that determined expression was gone and a sexy smirk had taken its place. He erased the space between us and set his hands on the edge of the sink on either side of my hips, caging me. “We’re competing at who can love you better.”
“You mean who can fuck me better,” I corrected.
“It really is the same thing because competition or not, we love you,” he said and frowned a little. “You do realize you’ll be benefiting the most from all of this, right?”
I arched a brow. “That’s why I don’t know if I should be upset.”
That made him laugh and he dropped his hands from the sink. He grabbed the end of Knox’s shirt and tilted his head toward the now-steaming shower. “Let’s get in.”
I lifted my arms above my head so he could remove the shirt. I climbed into the shower first while he removed the rest of his clothes. The warm water relaxed me a little. As soon as Keelan got in, his only focus was washing me. He shampooed and conditioned my awful pink hair. He took his time massaging my scalp while he did it. As he washed my body, he rubbed soapy fingers into the tight muscles in my back, shoulders, and legs.
“It’s okay to be angry,” he said as he was kneeling in front of me, kneading the back of my calf. “You have every right to be and it’s normal to feel this way given what you’ve been through.”
“This feels like more than a stage of grief,” I said.
He stood up and stared down at me with a serious expression. “Maybe it is more. But anger is anger. You may feel stronger because of it, but it’s a hard emotion to control. Anger can make you do and say things you will regret.”
I knew that. I just didn’t understand why he was telling me. Taking over the washing, I poured some shampoo in my hand and pushed up on my tiptoes to wash his hair. “Are you worried I’ll hurt any of you out of anger?”
He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me against his naked chest. “No. I just…” He let out a sigh. “Logan is angry and that rage he’s carrying around is fueling his need for revenge.”
“You think I’m going to run off and go seek revenge on Mr. X?”
“I think if I had not stopped you, you would have tried to kill X in your nightmare.”
I didn’t deny it. That had been my intention. “Why did you stop me?”
“Because I was scared you’d run into the furniture and hurt yourself,” he said as he let me go to rinse out his hair.
I began washing his body after soaping up a washcloth. “I don’t have the desire to go out and hunt down Mr. X like my uncle,” I said as I ran the cloth over his tattooed skin. “But if he showed up here and he tried to hurt any of you…” I hated even thinking about it, let alone talking about it. “I’ve already tried to kill him once. I’ll try again. The only change I’ll make next time is I’ll aim my gun a little higher.”
