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I made it out the open front door into the blinding sunlight. “Help me!” I screamed that over and over again as I ran across the lawn and climbed over the wall of bushes that served as a fence between our yard and our neighbor’s. Blood was leaking down the front of me and soaking into my jeans.
I will make it.
I will make it.
I told myself that over and over as I ran to my neighbor’s front door. With bloody hands I rang their doorbell a dozen times. I left bloody handprints on their front door as I pounded on it until it finally opened.
The moment the elderly couple saw that it was me and that I was hurt, they let me inside. I only made it into their home a few steps before everything seemed to shut down. My legs gave out and I fell to their floor. I had fought. I had gotten out. I had nothing left. In every sense, apart from my life. I had that. As I lay there bleeding out on my terrified neighbors’ floor while they called the police, I wondered if it had all been worth it.
15
The four ofthem were quiet as they processed every detail I’d given them from that night.
While they did, I marveled at the fact that I had not needed a drink. I hadn’t been forced. That night had been what I would consider the worst level of hell and I’d bared it to them on my own. It was sometimes hard to see progress when it came to healing. What I had just done was progress impossible not to see.
Colt took my hand. “I’m proud of you, babe.”
The others voiced that they were as well.
“Do you think the fight for your life was worth it?” Knox asked.
With a small smile, I got to my feet and made my way around the coffee table to him. I leaned down and pressed my lips to his in a soft, sweet kiss. “If I woke up tied to that bed tomorrow, I would fight like hell and endure everything that came after all over again, if it meant I found the four of you.”
When I went to straighten, Knox grabbed me by my arm and pulled me into his lap. “I don’t want us to be the reason. You have to see the value of your life on your own.”
“You misunderstood me.” I got more comfortable in his lap so I could look him right in the eye. “It is hard to see or find value in anything when it’s dark all around you. The four of you gave me light. So I don’t value my life because the four of you are in it. I value my life because the four of you showed me how. Some might find it ridiculous that it took your help to value myself again, but I think it’s all right to get help sometimes.” I gave him another quick kiss and tried to get up from his lap.
His arms came around me. “Where are you going?”
“I’m tired. I figured I’d head to bed,” I said.
“With whom?” Creed asked.
I took them all in and I could see that they all wanted to be with me. “What if we all sleep in the living room by the fire tonight? Falling asleep to that and maybe even a movie sounds really nice.”
Knox kissed my temple. “We can do that.”
* * *
The next morning, I woke up somewhat peacefully. My dreams hadn’t been great, but they hadn’t been nightmares. I had dreamt about Logan. He had shown up at the cabin telling me that Mr. X was dead and we could come back to Arizona. It was the type of dream where you knew what was happening wasn’t true, yet you still had no choice but to watch yourself make a terrible decision. I knew Mr. X wasn’t dead and Dream Me was about to go back to Arizona where he’d be waiting. It was a helpless sort of dream. On the upside, I didn’t wake up screaming.
Instead, I woke up between Knox and Creed. Lying on the other side of Creed was Colt and lying on Knox’s other side was Keelan. Last night we had made a giant bed of blankets and pillows and slept in the living room. Despite the uncomfortable floor, I was already looking forward to when we could all sleep together again.
I was currently lying on my side facing Creed. I could hear Knox breathing evenly behind me. Maybe I was still partially asleep, or I was just simply turned on sleeping next to all my guys. Either way, I was feeling brave and bold.
I scooted closer to Creed and put my hand on his lower stomach. His shirt had ridden up in the night and a few inches of his skin were exposed just above the gray sweatpants he loved to torture me with. I ran my fingers along that exposed skin from hipbone to hipbone. He twitched a little before his eyes opened slightly. It took him a few seconds to see me through the fog of sleep, but when he did, his eyes opened wider. He was about to open his mouth to say something, and I quickly put my finger over his lips.
“Shh,” I whispered as I leaned close and kissed him.
He kissed me back right away and that made me braver.
I slid my hand into his gray sweatpants beneath the blankets and wrapped my fingers around his cock, which was already hard. His breath hitched as I began stroking him. “Want to play out my fantasy?” I whispered against his mouth.
He gave me my answer with a tired, loopy smile. I pulled my hand from his pants and shoved off mine, along with my underwear, while still under the blankets. Then I climbed on top of him and straddled his now-bare hips. As I grabbed him and aligned him with my entrance, I noticed that he’d shoved his pants down to his knees. His hands went to my hips as I sank down on him.
“Fuck,” he hissed, making me grin down at him.
I began moving my hips with slow, lazy rocks. His hands pushed up on my shirt until I helped him take it off me. I shoved his shirt up to his neck so I could run my hands up and down his chest as I picked up my pace riding him.
