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I swallowed as I hit the green button to answer it and then brought it to my ear. “Hello?”
Mr. X’s haunting voice filled my ear through the phone. “Hello, my Shiloh.”
* * *
I was in no rush after my call with Mr. X, and at the same time, I was. Walking into the living room where the guys were waiting for me, I kept my hands in my sweatshirt pockets because I couldn’t stop fisting them. I took a seat next to Creed on the couch. “I got ahold of Ian.” After announcing that, I explained everything that Ian had told me. As I spoke, I noticed Keelan had changed his pants. I had given Knox supplies to help bandage him up while I’d made my calls.
“So we need to leave?” Knox asked.
I nodded.
“What about the bodies outside?” Creed asked.
“Ian will take care of it.” I hoped.
The four of them started to get up to go collect what they would need to leave. I grabbed Creed’s wrist before he could walk away. He eyed my hand on his wrist and sat back down.
I waited for the other three to leave the room before I turned my body to face him. I took his hands in mine. “I love you so much.”
He frowned. “I’m going to be okay.”
He thought I was telling him I loved him because of what had happened earlier with the sheriff’s men. That was all right.
“I wanted to be a chef, to be a wife and a mother. I wanted those things, but when Mr. X took my family away, I made myself stop wanting those things because I thought if I didn’t want them, I couldn’t be disappointed for not getting them.” I stared down at our hands, and I squeezed his. “On Halloween, when I was dancing and having so much fun with Isabelle, I let myself envision a future. I let myself want more.”
He was still frowning. “And what do you want?”
“I want what I wanted before, and I want it with the four of you. I want to spend the rest of my life placing bets with you and Colt, I want to spar with Keelan, and I want to rebel against Knox. He may act like he doesn’t like it, but we all know that he enjoys it.”
A small smile tugged at the corner of Creed’s mouth. “He loves that you won’t back down and that you’re not afraid to push back.”
I returned his small smile with my own. It was a little forced, but I managed to give him one. “I want family meals, to celebrate birthdays, and to wake up every morning next to one of you. I want to laugh with you and fight with you and love you until I’m old. And one day,manyyears from now, I want babies who have beautiful blond hair and either aquamarine or golden-brown eyes. I want all of that. Desperately.”
His eyes searched mine. “Not that I’m not happy to hear all of that. I am. I want those things with you, too, but why are you telling me this?”
I let go of his hands to cup his face. “I’m telling you so you know—so that it may help you when you feel upset. That I love you so much and would do anything to have that future with you.”
He closed his eyes with a sigh and grabbed my wrists. “I’m going to be fine, Shi. I was in shock, but I know I had to do what I had to, or they would have killed my brothers.”
This is okay,I told myself.Hopefully, he would understand later.
I leaned forward and kissed him.
Please forgive me.
I pulled away and stood. “We should get ready to leave.”
Creed stood as well, and we both headed for the hall. As soon as we entered it, we saw Knox standing there, leaning against the wall. Creed passed him to go into the spare bedroom to collect his things. I avoided Knox’s stare as I also passed him and entered my room. I grabbed my go bag off of the trunk at the foot of my bed. I had taken it out of the safe before calling Logan and Ian. Since the sheriff had found us, I’d known I would need it again. As I unzipped it, I heard Knox close the bedroom door.
“That was quite a talk,” he said.
I grabbed a few days’ worth of clothes from the dresser and stuffed them in the bag. “He had to kill those men because of me.” It wasn’t a lie. I did feel terrible he’d had to do that, but I didn’t have the room in me to feel the guilt of it yet.
“Is that really why you said those things to him? As a way to make him feel better?”
No. I’d said all that because I knew he would take what I had to do the hardest. I had hoped to help him understand that so long as the threat of Mr. X existed, we would never be free to have that beautiful future. I hoped that by telling him my most vulnerable desires, he would understand that I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize them if I didn’t have to.
“Yes,” I lied, and if Knox could tell, he didn’t call me out on it.
