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I’ve learned about shadow loss. My father experimented with it a bit and, oddly enough, science was the only thing he’d willingly talk to me about. It’s what kept me calm when he tried to figure out how to remove my mark. Some of his tactics were easier to endure than others, but somehow, learning new, fascinating things kept me grounded. It kept me sane.
A person’s shadow houses a part of their soul. It can be powerful if it’s harnessed properly, but the loss of it steals away the host’s ability to feel any emotion on an intimate level besides pain. Everything is muted in a sense. They still feel things, like how a person can feel a ghost pass through them. It’s faint, but there, and nothing like it would be if they were whole.
Does the blood oath even work with someone without a shadow? Since he took it, I thought it could. There were moments that he seemed aware, like when they were talking about the witches, but what if I’m just not as good at masking my emotions as I thought? What if he’s just perspective?
“You’re spiraling.” His breath is warm against my neck. “Are you sure you’re up to this?”
“We’re here, aren’t we? We might as well stay in your crew’s good graces.”
He straightens, watching me for a moment as we drift in gentle circles. If it weren’t for his strong, steady form holding me up, I’d be tripping all over the place. The music fades into the background and I become acutely aware of every point of contact between us—the heat of his palm against mine, the steadying grip of his other hand on my waist, the brush of his thigh against my leg. Our eyes lock, and for a moment, the world around us seems to disappear. We’re not in a room full of pirates. It’s just him and me.
“Is this about the room?” he asks.
I force my gaze to steady, even though everything whirls with every turn we make. “No… I understand that.”
“Then what is it you don’t understand?” He stops us even though the music continues to play. “Did I do something?”
“No… It’s just the wine. I think I’ve had enough festivities today.”
He leads me through the crowd of the mess hall and down to my room. Once inside, I sit on the trunk, hinging at the waist to slip off my shoes, but his hand swats me away.
“We’ll need to get you better shoes. These won’t work here.” He unclasps the tiny buckles of my flats. “You need something with soles. I’ll check with Smee in the morning and see if she might have some you can borrow.”
His touch is gentle, each movement considerate. “Thank you,” I say, closing my eyes to block out the vertigo. He holds out a hand, helping me to my feet.
“Spin,” he commands, and I turn my back to him. He makes quick work of the corset strings, loosening it enough that I can slip it along with the layers of my dress past my hips and step out. I stumble the second I lift up my foot from the ground, but his arm wraps around my bare stomach to steady me. “Rule number one of being on my ship, don’t drink your weight in fairy wine.”
Blinking hard, I arch a brow as I spin to face him. I’m immediately aware of how clothed he is and how not I am. “There are rules?”
“There are now.” His voice is stern, but I can see the smile in his eyes, the way they crease ever so slightly at the corners. It dissipates the moment his gaze dips to my chest.
I chuckle silently as his throat bobs. His tongue darts across his lips, wetting them as he drinks in the sight of me, and it turns my insides into knots… I only have two days. After that, I might never be able to be with him like this again, unless I can find a way to hide my mark. My gaze travels down his throat, along the unbuttoned edge of the top of his shirt. His coat is long gone, his sleeves rolled to reveal his dark tattoos.
Before I can stop myself, I reach for his necklace, turning the dark amber stone over in my hands. Its raw edges are rough against my skin, and he watches me intently. “What is this?”
“It’s sea flame.” Sebastian reaches behind his neck and unclasps the necklace, then places it in my hand. “When exposed to water, it acts as a beacon. My father gave it to me when I was little.”
“So he could find you if you went overboard.” I finish the thought for him, holding the stone up to the light.
“Yes. I’ve had it ever since.”
I hand it back, but he shakes his head. “Until we get to port, you should keep it.” He walks to the hidden wardrobe door and pops it open, just like Smee did, and grabs one of my nightgowns. Fishing my arms through the straps, I let him tug it on.
“Will you help me?” I ask, gathering my hair and pulling it over my shoulder so he can clasp the necklace on. His hands linger on my neck. I shudder when his fingers trail over my collarbone and down my arm. “Why didn’t you tell me about your shadow?”
“And now the truth comes out,” he says, chuckling beneath his breath. “I knew it was something.”
“How can I know if the blood oath works for you without it?”
He presses his lips to my pulse and I fight the urge to close my eyes. It feels so good when he kisses me like that… I feel wanted—desired. Needed. “Ask any of my men. I think all of them will tell you I’m different than I was before I left. I’ve felt more in the last day than I have in the last twenty-four years.”
My head snaps to the side as I glance at him. “You’re only twenty-four? You’re only a year older than me.”
There’s an airy humor in his tone. “I’m twenty-eight. I was four when my shadow was taken. I don’t remember much about before, but I can tell you that since we’ve been bound, I’m starting to remember what it was like.”
“How so?” I twist and sit on the edge of the bed. His boots thud against the wooden floor as he steps closer, pushing my hair behind my ear.
“You already know the answer to that. The oracle said as much. I feel everything you do. Under normal circumstances, it’s diluted, but to me, since I don’t feel much at all, it’s stronger… You should get some rest.”
