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I put on my running gear and after quickly looking in on Carmen I head out.
It’s a beautiful summer morning. Birdsong, the scent of flowers, and merrily dancing sunbeams greet me as I run along the river. Happiness is practically palpable in the air and yet all I feel is misery. Betrayal. I don’t know what Brett knows about Sofia’s motivations for seeking custody, but just the fact that he’s slept with her for this long without saying anything…
Sofia being Sofia I can’t imagine it being anything but casual just like he says–-after all, I was married to her, and I think that was probably just a casual relationship. I’m not sure the woman is capable of more than that for anyone. Love is way out of her league. But still. Six months. Does he not have any feelings for her? None? I know he likes sleeping around but…
My mind keeps whirling as I run. Who does Brett care the most about, Sofia, or me? What has he told her about my life? About Carmen’s life?
I focus on my breath as I run, reminding myself that I am a good parent, and that Carmen has everything she needs. The courts can say nothing about that. My love life on the other hand… What will it sound like if it comes out that I’ve slept with my nanny? God, I’ve only known her for what? A month?
No. No one knows about us apart from, perhaps, Gina who is pretty discreet. Maybe Erin. But they are my staff. And the truth of the matter is that Maddie has never stayed the night.
Another thought hits me–what if Maddie has skeletons in her closet? And what about the other nannies I hired? Most only stayed a few weeks, but…
Again, I have to tell myself to stop. I’ve hired nannies through a reputable agency. If there’s something in their past, they would have found it. And if they haven’t, then it’s their fault, not mine. All my other staff is clean because Erin vets everyone I hire.
An hour later, I’m exhausted, and I wrap up my run. If I hadn’t vented my anger in this way, I fear what I would do to Brett when I finally meet him.
I shower quickly, head downstairs to eat a yogurt, and drink some coffee while replying to emails. Getting lost in work is a balm to my frazzled nerves. I have not often in my adult life felt “frazzled,” but this time is different. The last time I felt this insecure was when I realized that Sofia wasn’t interested in her daughter, not even after she was born.
By the time I finally arrive at Brett’s hotel to confront him, I feel calmer. I’ve got this.
I text him. What room are you in?
505. You’re early. Man, I have a hangover.
I shake my head. Clearly, he has no recollection of what he told me last night. His hangover is about to get a lot worse.
I knock on his door, and I hear muffled sounds, then the door opens.
“Shit man, you could have chosen another day to be up bright and early.”
“It’s seven. We have to decide on who to call back for interviews. Then we have to review the factory contract and have another meeting with the marketing agency.”
“I know, I know. But we’re meeting at nine. It’s seven.”
Brett walks into his room and I trail behind him.
“Have a seat,” I say.
He raises an eyebrow as he turns to look at me. “Why, what’s happened?”
I take a seat in one of the armchairs facing the couch where Brett sinks with a sigh.
“I’ve called room service, they’re bringing coffee. I hope my aspirin will work. What were in those drinks last night?”
“A truth serum,” I reply. “You mentioned you’ve been banging Sofia for the past six months.”
Brett noticeably pales. “I told you.” He sighs again and rubs his forehead. “I’ve been meaning to for some time, but the thing is, it’s been meaningless sex. I was drunk when it first happened, but it was good, you know? So, we kept at it, but it’s not like we talk.” He looks at me, assessing. “I don’t know why she suddenly wants custody if that’s what you’re wondering. Honestly, I think she’s starting to lose it, you know? I’ve seen less of her. Not that it was much to start with. Once a week or so. She’s fun, and you know, smart. But where matters of the heart are concerned, sorry, but she’s not all there. I wouldn’t go near her with a tow truck… is that the expression? No, it’s not, but whatever it is. I don’t know, man, but I’m sorry. You already know we’ve stayed in touch, but still. I should have said something.”
I look at him. He’s super hung over. I also can’t detect any bullshit. Brett is happy-go-lucky. He can talk anyone into almost anything–people like him instantly. He’s been great for sales and marketing. Even for signing up farms to work with. I was never… likable… in the same way. I get along with people, but I’m not much for small talk. The point being, Brett can talk. And he can bend the truth, but he usually does so in a positive way.
I remain silent.
“Fuck, man, I just didn’t want you to feel hurt or anything. I know how things ended between you. And I guess that’s just it. Sofia isn’t quite there emotionally. For sex, it’s fine, but for anything else.” He mimes like he’s cutting his throat.
I nod. There it is. Bending the truth to keep people happy. “Yeah. But still, man, six months?”
“I know. It just seemed pointless to tell you because it’s not like I’m dating her. I fuck her.”
