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Maddie
The last few days in Frankfurt are a blur of mixed emotions. I can't shake the feeling that Roland is pushing me away, even though I know he's just a man who’s built a wall around him that seems impenetrable. His dark hair and olive-toned skin are always present in my thoughts, but it seems like his beard hides more than just his strong jawline–it's a barrier to keep his true feelings hidden.
"Isn't this garden beautiful, Maddie?" Carmen asks, oblivious to the tension between her father and me.
"Absolutely stunning," I respond, trying to focus on the vibrant flowers surrounding us. We're taking a leisurely stroll through the botanical garden as our trip comes to an end. Roland walks ahead, his back turned to us as if to emphasize the emotional distance.
"Daddy, wait up!" Carmen calls out, racing toward him. I watch as he scoops her up into his arms, a smile on his face. It's clear that he loves his daughter, but something inside him refuses to let anyone else in.
"Can we take a picture, Daddy?" Carmen pleads, holding up her disposable camera. I bought it for her in a tourist shop and she adores it.
"Sure, pumpkin," he agrees, setting her down. She hands the camera to me.
“Take a picture, Maddie,” she says, as Damien walks up behind me shaking his head.
“She’s going to turn into a photographer one day or a social media nuisance.”
I laugh as Roland and Maddie pose next to a rose bush. “Let’s hope for the former,” I say.
I snap the photo, capturing a rare moment of vulnerability in Roland's eyes. He sees me looking at him, and the wall goes back up.
"Come on, let's get some lunch," he says gruffly, leading us toward the exit along a path where we will pass several cafés and restaurants.
"Hey, do you want to try that little café over there?" I suggest, pointing to a charming spot nearby. Roland nods, and we settle down at an outdoor table. The sun casts a warm glow on our faces, but it does little to thaw the icy atmosphere. Thankfully, both Damien and Carmen appear oblivious to it. I don’t know if Erin has noticed–as usual, she’s trailing behind us.
"Your schnitzel looks delicious," I remark, trying to make conversation. "Would you like to try a bite of my salad?"
"No, thank you," he replies curtly, not even glancing my way. He’s cold and impersonal today, and I can't help but feel frustrated by his stubbornness.
Damien just rolls his eyes, muttering under his breath to me, “Billionaire issues.” While Damien hasn’t noticed the frosty atmosphere between Roland and me, he discovered pretty early on that Roland can be harsh. For some reason, he finds this amusing instead of annoying as if every rich guy acts like that.
I shake my head; happy that Damien sees it that way. I, on the other hand, know what the real issues are. Roland is walling himself off. I used to think the harshness was a cover for his pain… and from what I know about his mother and Sofia, I can understand why he was like that when we first met. But after seeing what lies beneath the cover, having that attitude return feels like a slap in the face. It’s clear Roland isn’t willing… or able…to trust anyone. Brett’s deceit has clearly done a number on his head.
I sigh and lean back in my chair. If Roland isn’t willing to share his life and emotions with me, so be it. I’m still going to enjoy the last full day of this trip. If yoga has taught me one thing, it’s to count my blessings. Damien and I are blessed to be here. My heartbreak is one thing, being in Germany is another.
***
While I manage to muster the energy to enjoy the last part of our trip, the moment I step foot back in NYC, the weight of my unresolved feelings for Roland crushes me. The city's vibrant energy, which usually fills me with excitement only seems to highlight the emptiness inside. As I walk down the crowded streets, it becomes crystal clear: I need to find a job that doesn't put me face-to-face with Roland every day. Showing up to work every morning in his apartment makes me feel trapped. I realized I envisioned a future there with Roland, and now it only reminds me that I’m just a bit player in someone else’s life, a life where I don’t belong anymore.
"Hey, Maddie!" a familiar voice calls out as I enter the yoga studio to teach a class. It's Lily, the manager, her warm smile beaming at me. "How was your trip? I haven’t seen you since you came back last week."
"Interesting," I reply, forcing a smile. "But it's good to be back."
Liar, liar, pants on fire.
"Perfect timing, then," she says with a wink. "We've had a few instructors leave recently, and we'd love to offer you more classes. How do late afternoons and weekends sound?"
"Really?" My heart leaps at the opportunity. "I'd love that!" I also know that many people looking for a nanny are happy to have someone for the first part of the day only, so I will be able to find a job accommodating those hours, and my business classes are all in the evenings.
"Great! Let's get you on the schedule." Lily nods her head in the direction of her office and starts walking as I trail along after her.
"Thank you so much, Lily," I say, a feeling of relief washing over me.
This is exactly what I need—a chance to leave Roland’s employ and focus on building the career I truly want. It will take longer before I can open my own studio without his fat paycheck, but owning my own studio isn’t everything. Doing work I love is what’s important, and what I love is teaching yoga.
"Of course! We're lucky to have you here, Maddie,” she says as we step into her office.
As I leave the studio, a renewed sense of purpose takes hold. I can't help but think that maybe this is a sign. Maybe this is the universe telling me it's time to move on, invest my energy in my passions, and finding someone who is emotionally available.
