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“Good. And I am staying until the agency finds a replacement and I introduce them to the work properly and help them settle in.”
“I appreciate that,” Roland says. I can see he is trying to control his upset and say the right things. “And I hope you get to focus more on your dreams.”
Then he turns and walks into the kitchen, leaving me in the living room. Right, that went… as well as expected, I suppose.
As I leave, I can't help but feel the weight of my decision on my shoulders. But deep down, I know that I'm doing the right thing–not just for me, but for Roland and Carmen too.
***
I step onto my yoga mat, inhaling deeply as I stretch my arms overhead. The studio smells of lavender and sandalwood, instantly calming my racing thoughts. Over the past few weeks, I've seen a new fabulous nanny being installed to look after Carmen and then have devoted myself to my passions–yoga, business studies, and spending time with Damien. Plus, of course, starting a new nanny job. This time, the family is bohemian and lots of fun to work for.
"Hey, Maddie!" my friend and fellow yoga instructor Brooke calls out as she enters the room. "Ready for our weekend brunch?"
"Absolutely," I grin, rolling up my mat. We've made it a habit to catch up on weekends since I left Roland's employment.
On the way to the café, I can't help but think about Carmen. The court date is fast approaching, and I promised Roland to see Carmen before then. Well, I promised myself to see her once every two weeks and will soon be two weeks since I left my job. I shake my head, still frustrated by Roland’s coldness. I remind myself that I’m doing this for Carmen, not him.
"Earth to Maddie," Brooke says, waving her hand in front of my face. "You've been spacing out lately. Everything OK?"
"Sorry, just preoccupied," I admit, taking a sip of my iced chai latte. I return my attention to Brooke but decide to text Gina. I will go see Carmen on Monday. I finish my nanny job early and have no yoga classes to teach that day.
***
I make my way to Roland's house, where Gina greets me with a warm hug. She leads me to the kitchen, reminding me of the meals we shared together.
"Thank you for coming, Maddie," Gina says sincerely, wiping her hands on her apron. "Carmen will be so happy to see you when she wakes up from her nap."
"Of course, Gina. I miss her," I reply, my heart swelling with love for Carmen.
As we sit down with cups of tea, Gina looks at me curiously.
“It might just be me, but I was pretty sure you and Roland would end up together,” she says. “And he’s been in a foul mood since you left. Could be the court date coming up this week, but I have a feeling it’s more than that. Am I right?”
I hesitate for a moment before I open up to Gina about my feelings for Roland and the events that led to my departure. She listens intently, nodding in understanding.
"Roland's had a rough life, Maddie," she begins, her voice gentle. "His mother was bipolar and caused a lot of turmoil in the family. And Sofia... well, she was cold and distant, only interested in living the high life."
I nod. “I know, he’s told me a little about them.”
Gina shakes her head. “I’m not sure you can understand unless you have met them. I’ve been Roland’s chef since Carmen was born. I was there during the divorce. Sofia treated Roland and Carmen… like they were things, not people. Likewise, his mother…” She shakes her head again, then takes another sip of her tea, considering what to say next. “She goes from being manically happy to manically depressed. And when she’s in a foul mood, she treats Roland like dirt. If he can’t trust women, it’s her fault. I’m not saying the disease is her fault, but to my understanding, she was never one for taking her meds or doing anything much to help herself to a better life. Roland and I have grown close over the years. Once he does let someone in, he’s a great man. Just remember that.”
I nod. I wonder if I’ve been too quick to leave him behind. But when I think of the couple I work for now, I feel like I’ve done the right thing. There’s singing and dancing and happiness in that house. Roland would have to change a lot to create that kind of home for himself. I’ve seen how much he cares about people, but he needs to let go and enjoy himself. He needs to trust those around him. And even with Brett sleeping with Sofia… I can’t see he meant any harm. Roland knew they kept seeing each other, and Brett had nothing to do with Sofia’s custody claims.
Still, I can't help but soften toward Roland, seeing him through Gina's eyes. He's been hurt so deeply by the women in his life.
"Look, Maddie," Gina continues, placing a comforting hand on mine. "I'm not telling you to get involved with Roland. He needs to sort his stuff out, and I’ve told him as much. I just want you to know that he isn't all bad. He's just been badly burned."
"Thank you, Gina," I murmur, my thoughts a whirlwind of emotions within me. "I appreciate your honesty."
I spend the afternoon with Carmen, enjoying her company, but leave before Roland comes home. It’s easier that way. If he was to suddenly be warm toward me again, I don’t know if I could resist him. And if he were as cold as he has been… it would break my heart all over again.
Chapter twenty-eight
Roland
As I enter the courtroom with my lawyer, my eyes immediately fall on Sofia. It's been ages since I last saw her, but she looks as poised and professional as ever. Her sleek black hair frames her face perfectly, while her sharp red lipstick and high heels give her an air of confidence that I remember all too well. What did I ever see in this woman?
I shake my head and take my seat next to my lawyer. Then the proceedings begin, and the female judge asks Sofia to begin. I look at her, wondering if I will finally find out the reason she's doing this. The real reason.
