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Yes.He would require housing on campus. But not until September. For now, he was getting the fuck out of academia and back into the desert. Who knew. Maybe the university in Athens would send some hunky professor to Big Bend, whom Avery could spend the next couple of months fucking up against a rock wall. Or if Avery was truly lucky, he’d end up being the one being fucked by a Greek Adonis named Yanni on the red desert sand. Yes, that’d keep his mind off his looming future for at least a little while. Nothing like a good, brutal railing to re-set your mind.
Yeah, who knew? Anything was possible on the road away from the asphyxiating world of academia.Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Austin – Then
“FUCK! JUST ASKhim. No big deal. Just fucking ask him,” Austin cursed himself for being such a coward as he parked his truck in front of the bait shop. He couldn’t quite remember when it had started but he’d had a crush on Matty for ages. Well, maybe not ages, but it sure felt that way. It couldn’t have been more than a year in any case, but to Austin every damn time he ran into Matty at the docks it felt like every second, every minute, was drawn out, stretched out before him. Almost like time stood still the moment he looked at Austin, those piercing blue eyes giving off an untouched innocence which stood in sharp contrast to Matty’s often guarded body language.
With his wild blond hair, pouty lips and frail build, Austin had the urge to go completely caveman-style whenever he was in the close vicinity to Matty. To throw his small, lithe figure over his shoulder and run away with him. Hide away with him. Austin didn’t exactly know the circumstances of Matty’s arrival in Grant’s Harbor a little over a year ago, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that Matty needed protection. From whom or what exactly Austin didn’t know, but there was a vulnerability about the younger boy—younger being the keyword here—that made Austin want to wrap his arms around Matty and never let him go again. Keep him from harm and fucking destroy anyone who even looked at Matty the wrong way.
Jesus, yesterday at the docks he’d beenthisclose to asking Matty if he wanted to go swimming. He’d felt the words on the tip of his tongue, begging to be spoken. Fleetingly, Austin thought he’d recognized the same kind of longing in Matty’s eyes that occupied his own heart. The kind of longing which was beyond any physical kind of need. The kind of bottomless yearning which had its origin in loss or neglect. Perhaps even pain. But something had held Austin back from asking. Or rathersomeone.
Austin didn’t fear rejection. That was kind of a given thing being a gay guy in a small town—hardly anyone was gay in Grant’s Harbor or at least they didn’t advertise it in the local paper. Those who’d come out in high school had gone away for college in the city, but that had never been the plan for Austin. From early on, he’d known that he wanted to work alongside his dad as soon as he was old enough to do so.
No, Austin always went to one of the closest cities if he wanted to hook up with someone. He wasn’t exactly a fan of rushed, casual hookups but it took care of that itchy sensation in his bones whenever he just needed to be with another guy and get off. For the most part, he felt kinda awkward afterwards because he mostly wished it had been in a real bed instead of in a dirty toilet stall or in the back of his truck if he was lucky. None of the guys Austin hooked up with hung around long after they’d gotten off. And it wasn’t that Austin wanted to cuddle or anything with these random, nameless guys, but he had an idea in his head that he’d one day like to be held—or even better yet wrap himself around someone else—after sex. Lately, whenever he pictured himself holding someone firmly against his chest, it was a mop of blond hair that he sighed into, while sky-blue eyes looked up at him through hooded lids.
So, no. It wasn’t the possibility of rejection that held Austin back from asking Matty out. No, it was Will Hart that he feared more than anything. There was no question that the older fisherman had taken an extraordinary liking to the kid. His voice even changed when he addressed Matty. There was an unparalleled softness to Will’s eyes when he looked at Matty or spoke of him. It was clear to anyone that the usually reserved and rough-looking fisherman had invited the kid into his heart and that you would have to get Will’s approval if you were to even look at Matty with any kind of interest.
Besides, Austin didn’t know if Matty was even interested in going for a swim. Or going out. Or… Fuck, he knew that Matty was younger by a few years, but there was a wariness in his eyes that told Austin that Matty hadn’t been a kid for a while. It was the same cautiousness that Austin saw reflected in his own steel-gray eyes from time to time when he looked in the mirror. A cautiousness resulting from the fact that if the grown-ups in your life failed you, there was no other choice than to grow up fast. Had the grown-ups in Matty’s life failed him? And how? A fifteen-year-old didn’t just one day end up on the docks asking a random stranger for a job, if he came from a decent, loving home.
Austin was interrupted when Will’s beat-up truck parked behind his own in front of the bait shop. First, the older man jumped out and shortly after Matty followed. He was pretty much always at Will’s side—either working at the docks or tagging along wherever Will went. It was hard to get Matty alone, that was for sure. You’d have to be a fucking Secret Service agent to shake Will if you wanted to have a chance at talking to Matty in private.
“Hey, man,” he nodded at Matty who blushed instantly, his freckles multiplying every day, it seemed, from the intense July sun. Not that Austin was counting them or anything. That would be ridiculous. Right? Reluctant blue eyes regarded Austin questioningly, before Matty parted his pink lips.
“Hi.” Fidgeting with the hem of his threadbare, white t-shirt,
Matty looked back at Will who was entering the shop.
“You comin’, son?” Will spoke over his shoulder as he nodded at the owner, Mr. Olsson, who was stacking the shelves with imported beer.
“Actually, there was something I wanted to ask Matty,” Austin inserted, looking directly at Will for permission. He didn’t know where the courage stemmed from but he kinda felt that it was now or… not now.
“Sure thing, Austin. Matty, I’ll just be a minute, alright? You holler if you need me,” Will spoke, an unsubtle raised brow at Austin before he disappeared inside the bait shop.
Shuffling his feet on the sand-covered sidewalk, Austin looked at Matty, biting his lower lip.Just fucking ask him, you idiot!
“So, I was…” he started, brushing his right hand through his jet-black hair which he’d inherited from his mother.
“Yes!” Matty blurted before Austin could think of how to phrase his question. A pair of eager eyes beamed at him, cheeks hot pink by now. “Whatever it is you’re gonna ask me, the answer’s yes!” Matty jutted his round chin forward, a determined look in his eyes.
Well fuck me,Austin thought. That hadn’t exactly gone as he’d expected. He couldn’t help laughing at the bold straightforwardness of the younger guy. He briefly felt like toying with Matty but decided against it. He knew that it must have taken a lot for Matty to be vulnerable like that and he didn’t want to ruin the moment.This fucking moment.He chuckled softly as his gaze connected with Matty’s once again.
“Do you wanna go swimming?” Austin registered the words spilling from his lips as he felt goosebumps spreading all over his skin. Which was ridiculous since it was the hottest month of the year.
“Yes!” Matty blurted, his eyes not leaving Austin’s.
“Okay…” Austin chuckled. “Like, now, or…?”
“I can’t,” Matty mumbled, a cute, annoyed frown between his brows.
“Oh, okay…” Austin swallowed as he felt the heaviness of disappointment settling in his chest.
“See, I promised Will to help him paint the toolshed, and we’ve been meaning to do it for days now, but it’s just been so damn windy and then Mr. Winnegan couldn’t order the right color before today, and Millie is very particular about her colors, so now we kinda have to…” he trailed off, looking apologetically at Austin, slender fingers still pulling at the distressed-looking hem.
“That’s okay,” Austin bit back a smile. Matty was freaking adorable as he stood there rambling, shuffling his feet in a pair of worn Chucks.
“But I wanna go. For sure. I mean, not today but tomorrow?” A hopeful glimpse spread across Matty’s face and in that moment, he was the cutest fucking thing that Austin had ever seen. Shy yet trusting. Innocent yet mature. But most of all just impossibly gorgeous.
