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“Stella,” Ethan repeated, turning his green gaze to Matty. “That’s beautiful, Matty. I like that…Stella…”
“Yeah?” Matty couldn’t help the feeling of joy, and pride almost, which swept through his chest and further down his body before it settled like a soft ball of cotton-candy in his stomach.
“Yeah, it’s fitting, you know,” Ethan continued. “You’ll never be lost again. Whenever you don’t know where to go next, you just look towards the sky and that star. Then you’ll know exactly where to go.”
“Yeah…” Matty swallowed the lump forming in his throat, blinking back the traitorous tears building at the corners of his eyes. I already have that constant in my life.That beaconing star shining much brighter than all the rest.
CHAPTER SIX
Ethan – Now
“THERE’S A DROUGHTnow, son, so no open fire. If you wanna cook something, you can use the facilities in the communal area next to the showers.” The park ranger, who’d introduced himself as Ken, crossed his hairy arms above a protruding belly. He had a friendly smile even though he’d probably given the same instructions a hundred times already that day if not more.
“That’s okay, sir. I already ate in Sulphur Springs, so I’m just gonna put up my tent and check out the area and the trails.” The meal in Sulphur Springs consisting of a dry cheeseburger, greasy fries, and a Coke hadn’t exactly been memorable and after only a day and a half on the road, Ethan already missed his mom’s cooking.
“Sure thing, son. Whereabouts are you from, then?” Ken scratched at his full beard, flecks of gray peeking through the dark brown, matching the spots of gray in his pale blue eyes.
“Eden, sir. West Texas. Born and bred, sir,” Ethan replied. Thesirslipped from his lips just as easily as theAmenin church on Sundays—or just as naturally as thefuckgritted against Jimmy Harrow’s damp forehead whenever he would give Ethan a hand job in the high school locker room or the storage room next to the janitor’s office.Damn,there weren’t many things that Jimmy Harrow, the local butcher’s middle child, did with dedication and skill, but he sure knew how to give a mean hand job.
“And where are you headed? You off to college or somethin’?” The middle-aged ranger looked around the campsite, one eye on his surroundings at all times while he spoke.
College.No, Ethan wasn’t going off to college. Like a faint whisper, regret coursed through him, pulling at his heart strings. It was the strangest thing really, but whenever he thought about the future—not the immediate one where he was searching for Matty, no his future in the long run—Ethan’s chest would tighten, making it hard to breathe. He didn’t often succumb to thoughts about the future because it only made him fucking depressed thinking about something he couldn’t have. He pushed the unwelcomed thoughts away and swallowed deeply before replying.
“No, sir. I ain’t going off to school. I’m just travelling around for a bit. Seeing the country. Exploring.”
“Alrighty then,” Ken nodded, touching the brim of his hat in a closing salute. “You let me know if there’s anything at all, son.” Turning around, Ken stared directly at a group of twenty-somethings, music blasting from a car radio, girls bouncing around in skimpy, cut-off jean shorts.
“Thank you, sir. I will,” Ethan hollered after him, but his words were swallowed up by the music, the laughing children, and the barking dogs.
He’d planned two overnight stays in the park when he’d sketched out the trip in detail three months ago. Matty had always wanted to go camping, so he would’ve insisted that they bring a tent. Their plan had always been to hike around the park from sunrise until sundown and then fall asleep under the Arkansas night sky, where Matty would once again recount the different trees they’d seen that day. At least that’s what they’d wanted to do. Ethan didn’t know the first thing about trees, so he’d bought a field guide so that he could at least identify some of them. He would want to tell Matty once he found him.
Ethan set up the tent not too far away from the communal areas but still just on the outskirts. Always being the more outgoing of the two of them, he didn’t mind the company of others. Large crowds had never intimidated him and he’d almost always been the center of attention in school.A natural-born leader amongst his peers,Ms. Truman had phrased it at the PTA conference his last year of junior high. His folks had nodded in unison while fancy words likeinclusive, emphatic,andmaturehad spilled from his favorite teacher’s pink lips. Yes, Ethan knew that other people his age seemed to gravitate towards him, but the only company he’d ever needed aside from his family’s, was Matty’s. Always by his side like an extension of himself. Until he suddenly wasn’t.
Ethan’s mom had always joked that appearance-wise the two boys couldn’t be any more different. Like night and day. Ethan towering several inches over Matty, his auburn hair a dark contrast to Matty’s golden curls. Matty’s eyes were as bright and blue as a Texas July sky, whereas Ethan’s were ever changing from a bluish sea-green to the greenest grass. Greener than any grass you ever saw back home, that’s for sure. Ethan was built, layers upon layers of muscle adorning his lean runner’s physique. Matty was frail, almost. With delicate, slender features that made him appear several years younger than Ethan. But where it mattered, Ethan’s mom would add, a fondness to her voice, they were the same. Heart and soul. Spirit and mind.
Ethan was pulled back to the present moment by the activity surrounding him. Other campers were starting to settle in for the night, a couple of families with small children coming back from the cooking area. A couple of dogs were barking next to a silver RV. He sent his mom a quick text to let her know that he’d arrived safely at the park. Strange how he already missed her and his dad. Heck, he even missed his deadbeat brothers. He wondered if he would continue to feel this torn for the entire duration of the trip or if he could let go of this feeling little by little with each mile he put between himself and Eden. If he could somehow let go of the constant concern for his family—the persistent need to know that they were getting by—and focus on the reason why he was on the road in the first place.Matty.
Grabbing his toilet bag, Ethan headed for the showers since he wanted to avoid the rush in the morning at the communal facilities. He wanted to get up early for his hike the next day. Get a good head start before the brutal July sun covered everything in a blanket of heat. From noon until late afternoon, he was planning on hiding out from the sun near one of the many forest basins.
As he’d hoped, the shower area was pretty much deserted, only one other guy getting dressed in front of a locker. He nodded, a friendly smile on his face, as Ethan came to a stop in front of a similar locker at the other end of the changing area.
“Hey man, how are you doing?” the stranger’s soft voice drifted towards him along with the scent of something spicy but not too heavy. Pine, maybe. Cedar. Matty would’ve known.
“Hey,” Ethan’s voice came out much louder than he’d intended, ringing through the silent changing area, resounding off the metal lockers.
The other guy didn’t seem to notice or just didn’t care, still sporting a carefree smile on his tanned face. He looked mid-twenties, dirty-blond hair that brushed against his shoulders, just curling slightly at the ends from the recent shower, perhaps. No one back home had long hair. Ethan had always thought that long hair on a guy looked too feminine for his taste, but somehow it suited the stranger.
“Cool,” the stranger replied as he stuffed his wet towel into a worn backpack, long, golden locks falling into his face.Cool.Ethan tracked the sinewy muscles of the stranger’s lower arm and his slender fingers as he pushed a wayward lock behind his left ear, revealing a small silver ring in his earlobe. For some inexplicable reason, Ethan felt a sudden urge to bury his nose in the spot just behind the stranger’s ear. To inhale him. To feel him. How would he smell? And what about the dark-blond hair? Would it be soft? It looked soft.Fuck.Clenching his fists at his side, Ethan’s gaze narrowed in on the stranger’s long, slender neck. Light blue veins peeked through the surface of the tanned skin, his Adam’s apple protruding slightly. In a flash, Ethan imagined his own calloused fingers wrapped firmly around the delicate throat of this enigmatic stranger. The tips of his fingers tingled with anticipation. What would his deep voice sound like if Ethan’s strong hand was obstructing his airways? What would he taste like if Ethan licked across his skin, biting down, marking it?
Ethan hadn’t noticed that the young man had come to a stop in front of him, a pair of striking blue eyes taking him in curiously. They weren’t blue like Matty’s sky-blue. These were a darker shade. Like the dark blue of his father’s coveralls or the sky just before the sun set.These are the kind of eyes you can drown in if you’re not careful.The thought had come out of nowhere and Ethan shook his head, pulling himself back to the present moment.
Suddenly, a slim hand with long, slender fingers hovered in front of him.Piano fingers,he remembered his mom used to call them. Ethan had anything but piano fingers. His were large and strong, broad fingers with calloused tips. Years of working on a farm would do that to you. Dark blue veins visible through the tanned skin like rivers running through red dirt canyons.
“I’m Avery.” The words came out on a breath, lingering between them, before they settled deep in Ethan’s chest, finding a home there.
Ethan reached out his own much larger hand and clasped it around Avery’s. The skin was smooth to the touch. Much smoother than his own and Ethan felt his abdomen clench as he sucked in a breath. He noticed that his nails were torn but clean, except for the tip of the thumb and the index finger of Avery’s right hand, which were smudged with something black. As Ethan looked up, he was met by the stranger’s questioning stare.
“Oh, yeah. Sorry,” he mumbled, a shy smile pulling at the left corner of his mouth. “I’m Ethan.”
