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CHAPTER FIFTY
Ethan – Now
“DON’T BE Astranger, okay? Let me know when you find him.” Avery looked down the still empty street as Ethan closed the trunk of his old Honda. His mom had been worried that the used car wouldn’t make the cross-country trip in one piece, but Ethan had never doubted that his faithful old car would bring him all the way to Maine.
“I will,” he murmured, brushing at the layer of dust on the roof of the car. “I’ll text you, okay?” He gazed at Avery, whose face was expressionless, his eyes covered by a glassy sheen. “Avery, please… Will you just look at me for a sec?” Ethan swallowed, his chest tightening, his body already preparing itself for being without the man who had become so important to him in a matter of mere weeks.
Avery turned towards him, a forced smile pulled at his mouth, but it never reached his watery, blue eyes.
“I’ll miss you,” Avery whispered, swiping at a runaway tear. “I’ll miss waking up next to you and falling asleep with your arms wrapped around me…” Another tear broke free, and Avery laughed, a sad, hollow sound. “Shit, why is this so fucking hard, Eth? Is it hard for you, too, or is it just me?” His plump bottom lip wavered, and he suddenly looked much younger than his twenty-eight-years. So vulnerable, lost, almost.
“Avery…” Ethan reached for the back of his neck, just below Avery’s messy ponytail, and pulled him against his chest. “It’s not just you,” he whispered against the top of Avery’s head. It was still early in the morning and Avery still smelled of sleep and dreams. He’d just hastily thrown on yesterday’s wrinkled shirt, before he’d made Ethan some breakfast, which they’d eaten in silence in the kitchen.
Avery wrapped his slender arms around Ethan’s midsection and buried his face against his collarbone, sniffing noisily.
“I know you have to go. I know you have to find Matty. But I just feel like being selfish right now and telling you to stay. Please stay.” He exhaled as he clenched his fists in Ethan’s white t-shirt.Fuck.Why was this so fucking hard? It was the last thing that had crossed Ethan’s mind as he’d left Eden a few weeks ago. His sole focus had been the small Xs on the hand drawn map and the final destination on the postcard.Grant’s Harbor.He’d never imagined that now—before he even had his first conscious thought in the morning—his body already instinctively searched for and found Avery’s and wrapped itself around him. It was like this magnetic pull between them. It had been there from the very first day in the changing room. When Avery’s hand had brushed briefly against Ethan’s thigh and his entire future had flashed before him in a matter of seconds.
“Say something,” Avery mumbled into the neck of his t-shirt, his warm breath coasting across Ethan’s skin.
“Avery, please…”Come with me. Come with me.The words were resting on the tip of his tongue, but he knew that it would just be a temporary reprieve from avoiding the inevitable. Because then what? Eventually, Ethan would still have to go back to Eden. They would still have to go their separate ways at some point and if Avery came with him, they’d just postpone the final goodbye. So instead, he chickened out. “I’ll stop by on my way home.”Home.Suddenly, the word had a sad, depressing ring to it. “Or maybe, you can come visit me in Texas sometime…” Even to his own ears, the words sounded hollow, unrealistic. Avery would never come to Eden. And anyway, Ethan wouldn’t want him to.
“Yeah… maybe…” Avery whispered as he disentangled himself from Ethan’s embrace. “Maybe…” His sad eyes sought Ethan’s one last time before he headed for his parents’ brownstone. Halfway up the stone steps, he turned around, shoulders slumped, a defeated smile on his lips. Opening the door to his car, Ethan threw his denim jacket on the empty passenger seat. Raising his hand in a gesture which was supposed to imitate a wave, he returned Avery’s smile. Nodding to himself, Ethan pulled up the route on his phone before he started the car. Pulling out into the empty Boston street, the morning sun painted the cloudless sky in pinks and oranges. It was gonna be yet another glorious day, so why did it feel like it was the fucking end of the world? As he reached the end of the street, he stole a final glance in the rearview mirror.Just one more glimpse of Avery,he thought. Just one more glimpse for the road. But the stairs were empty now, just like the seat next to him and the road in front of him.
CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
Ethan - Now
“EXCUSE ME, SIR,can I ask you something?” Ethan had spotted the fisherman from afar and his heart had started pounding frantically as he’d approached him. Arriving in Grant’s Harbor twenty minutes ago, he’d figured that the docks would be as good as a place as any to ask around for Matty.
The last hour on the road, he’d been feeling sick to his stomach, pulling over a few times when he felt the bile rise in his throat. But it was just a feeling. He wasn’t sick, he knew that. Maybe he was just nervous. About seeing Matty again. About not finding him. Or the possibility that Matty had changed so much over the past three years that the unique bond between the two of them had been severed. Or that he had changed. Ethan didn’t think that he’d changed too much over the past few years, but then again, a lot had happened since he’d left Eden.Someone had happened.
I miss you.
Ethan had read Avery’s text this morning, and every mile that he’d put between himself and Avery since he’d left Boston vanished within a matter of seconds. Immediately, he was back in Avery’s bed, the smell of citrus and a sleep-warm body engulfing him. The silkiness of Avery’s unblemished, golden skin beneath him, his fingers disappearing in his mass of velvety hair. It was late afternoon now and Ethan still hadn’t replied.
The fisherman rose from where he’d been cleaning a stack of containers. He sheltered his eyes from the blistering sun as he took in Ethan, his bronzed face welcoming, yet hesitant.
“Sure, what do you wanna know, son?” The older guy brushed off his hands in his blue coveralls, taking in Ethan.
“I’m looking for a friend of mine. His name’s Matthew Craig.” It was strange speaking Matty’s full name. He didn’t recall ever doing it. To him, Matty was always just that. Matty. Not Matthew. Not that dreaded last name causing images of Police Chief Craig in front of his eyes.
“Matthew Craig? Naa, that don’t ring no bells. Sorry, son.”
Ethan shuffled his feet nervously as he took in the harbor, fishing boats already docking, some on their way in from a day on the ocean.
“He might go under the name Matty. Or that’s at least what I used to call him.”
The older fisherman pulled off his knitted hat and brushed a rough hand through his unruly, gray hair. There was an almost leathery look to the skin on his hands—much like Mr. Peterson’s hands and orange-brown face from working under the unforgiving Texas sun all his life.
“Matty… Matty Craig, you say? Nope, I’m sorry. We only have a Matty Carter here. No one by the name Craig, son.”
Carter.Not Craig, but Carter. Pretty fucking close.
“Okay, thank you anyways,” he nodded at the fisherman while he took in the white boat next to them.Lilly.
“No worries, son,” the older guy grinned. “He a good friend of yours, this Matty Craig?”
“Yes. The very best actually.” A sinking feeling spread in his stomach, a heaviness settling in his bones. He suddenly felt tired, worn out. He fucking missed Avery and he hadn’t eaten since lunch. Tears pressed at his eyelids, and where was your mom when you needed her? He just needed a Momma Belinda hug. Desperately.
