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“Just leave it, Matty. Let’s not talk about me anymore. I don’t wanna… I just… Let’s not fight, okay? Let’s talk about you instead, Matty.” A weak smile covered Ethan’s mouth, but it never reached his eyes. Matty had never thought of it before, but in that moment, green was the saddest fucking color he’d ever seen. Not filled with hope. Just plain old surrender and sadness.
“Sure, Eth. Whatever you say,” he whispered, pulling away from Ethan, looking towards the ocean.
“So, you’re happy?” Ethan nodded, sounding relieved that they were no longer talking about him.
“Yeah, Eth. Yes, I am. I’m real happy,” Matty sighed.
“Good. That’s good. I’m happy for ya. You deserve it.”
“You deserve it too,” Matty blurted.
“I know but you deserve it more.”
“Eth…”
“No, you do, Matty. You do.” Ethan shook his head, a teasing grin building at the corner of his mouth. “Fuck, I never knew you were into dudes.” Ethan pushed at him, grinning.
“I’m not,” Matty replied solemnly. “I mean, I don’t think so.”
“Whatcha mean?” Ethan frowned. Matty loved how Ethan’s Texan drawl became more noticeable the longer they were together. He’d missed that. He’d missed everything about Ethan.
“I mean, I still like girls, too, I guess. It’s hard to explain, really. It’s not so much guys in general but more Austin in particular that I’m into.” Matty got the usual warm feeling in his stomach, whenever he thought of Austin. That weird grounding feeling. Like he stopped being in free fall and was just… settled.
“So, like a soulmate thing?” Ethan chuckled teasingly. “Aww, that’s pretty fucking cool, Matty.”
“Fuck you. It’s just… He makes me feel good, you know. He’s good to me. He’s always just so fucking good to me, Eth… They all are…” Suddenly, his hands felt clammy, and his heart started pounding out of his chest.“Do you think anyone’s ever gonna want you, you fucking pussy? What are you good for anyway? You ain’t good for nothin’.”For the first time in his life Matty answered his father back. He’d never done it in real life, and he probably never would get the chance to, but still, he answered him back.
But I am. I am. I’m a better man than you ever were. I’ll be a great dad one day. A great partner. I’m sorry for the things that your father did to you, but it never gave you the right to pay him back by hurting me. That just ain’t right. You did wrong by me. So wrong. You should’ve taken all that pain he gave you and turned it into something else instead. If not love, then at least something like it. You could’ve been kind to me, Dad, but you chose not to be. But I’m gonna choose differently. I’ll always choose differently.
“So… Has he asked you to marry him yet?” Ethan poked at his elbow, pulling him back.
“What?! Shut up, Eth. We’re not getting married any time soon…” Matty pushed at Ethan’s shoulder, while a warm feeling spread in his chest.They so were.
“You sure about that? I’ve seen the way that man of yours looks at ya.”
“Yeah? How does he look at me? Let me hear your words of wisdom, Eth.” Matty swallowed, his eyes stinging slightly.
“Like he wants to lock you up somewhere and throw away the key. Just wait, man. Before you know it, you’ll be all barefoot and… a ring on your finger.” A goofy grin spread across Ethan’s face, and suddenly they were eight again, racing along on their bicycles, stomachs full of stolen apples, screaming from the top of their lungs.Matty and Sheila, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G…
“Fuck, you were about to say pregnant, weren’t you?” Matty burst out laughing.
“Yeah…” Ethan laughed, throwing his head back.
“Yeah, maybe… Maybe you’re right. I mean, not about the barefoot and pregnant part.” Matty nibbled on his upper lip, contemplating how it would be being married to Austin. Not much different from what it felt like now, he guessed. Then again, they were so fucking young. Anything could happen. Who was to say that they’d still be together in five years? Or two, even? But he sure did hope so. He recalled last week on the boat. Austin had seemed so sure of how their future would play out. His faith in them unwavering. Always unwavering.
“Would you say yes?” Ethan frowned, searching Matty’s face.
“Sure, why not? I mean, the way I see it, you’ve got this one life, right? So, you might as well grab on to every little good thing that life throws at ya. You know what I mean?”
“Since when did you get so fucking smart, man? Is it the dick?” Ethan bumped his shoulder, grinning cheekily.
“What?!”
“Is it because you’re finally getting some dick? It is, ain’t it? It’s made you see the light?” Ethan nodded as if it was the most profound thought he’d ever had in his nineteen-year-long life.
“I don’t know, Eth. Maybe. I mean, I do get a lot, that’s for sure,” Matty winked.
“Dude! Don’t…” Ethan buried his face in his hands.
