Page 73 of Loud Places

“SWEETHEART, I THINKwe have just about enough now.” His mom gestured at the large bowl filled with green beans on the kitchen table in front of Avery. The very same table where Ethan had eaten thousands of meals, telling his mom about his day and yet another adventure with Matty. It looked so domestic, Avery sitting there picking green beans from his mom’s vegetable garden, a mild blush in his cheeks. “Oh, there you are, hon,” she noticed Ethan, standing frozen in the door opening to the kitchen.

Avery looked up from his chore, a hesitant look in his blue eyes, pink lips slightly agape as if he’d momentarily stopped breathing.

“Hey,” Ethan spoke softly, eyes not leaving Avery’s. A hesitant smile began to slowly form at the right corner of Avery’s mouth, before it broke free and spread to the rest of his face.

“Hi,” Avery whispered, the blush in his cheeks turning a shade pinker, a slight wariness remaining in his eyes.

“Where’s your father?” his mom wiped her fingers in a kitchen towel, looking at him questioningly.

“Uhm… he’s just outside…” Ethan gestured behind him, his mom’s voice sounding distant, his attention focusing solely on Avery who still looked like he was holding his breath.

“I’ll just run out and tell him to dig up some potatoes, then,” she gave Ethan a pointed stare in passing and there was no doubt about the underlying message in her stern eyes.You boys sort it out, now.“You can help Avery with the corn,” she added in passing.

“Yes, ma’am,” Ethan nodded, as he reached to pull out a chair across from Avery, whose gaze moved between mother and son.

“Not that one,” his mom’s small hand clasped around his wrist as he started pulling out the chair. “The legs are all wobbly. It needs fixin’.” She nodded at the chair next to Avery instead, “you take this one, hon…”

Ethan sighed deeply as he pulled out the chair next to Avery, who was trying to hold back a small, timid smile.Yeah, you just wait until they gang up on you, Avery.His parents didn’t often meddle in his life but when they did, they came blasting alright, full steam ahead. If you underestimated the quiet nature of Dan and Belinda Bishop, you’d end up being ambushed. They may not be the loudest in the crowd, but they fought tooth and nail when it mattered. And their children mattered more than anything.

Sitting down next to Avery, Ethan’s head suddenly overflowed with things he wanted to say. Things he needed to get off his chest.I like you, too.Scratch that.I’m in love with you, too.Shit.But I’m scared. I’m so fucking scared.I’m scared shitless.But I wanna be with you, Avery. More than anything.Fuck. But all that came out was a muffled, “I’m sorry,” as he reached for Avery’s left hand, tangling their fingers together. As soon as their skin touched, the air between them changed.

Finally, Avery exhaled and as soon as the withheld breath had left his lips, a solitary tear slipped from his hopeful eyes, followed closely by a stream of others. Ethan felt his heart breaking at the display of raw vulnerability, his own heart trying to break free from his chest to reach Avery’s. If he’d thought for one minute that the bond between them had been severed when he’d left Boston, he’d been mistaken. It might have been stretched to the maximum, but it wasn’t even close to being torn.

“Baby, please don’t cry,” Ethan pleaded as he reached out and brushed his thumb against Avery’s tearstained cheek. “You’re gonna break my heart if you cry.”

A mixture between a hiccup and a whimper burst from Avery’s lips as he started crying in earnest, small puffs of his warm breath hitting Ethan’s right cheek. Instinctively, he reached for the back of Avery’s neck, just below the messy ponytail, and pulled him against his chest. His frail shoulders shaking, Avery sobbed into Ethan’s collarbone, and he squeezed him even tighter.

Shit, he was such an asshole. Such a selfish asshole. In his misguided need to protect himself, he’d hurt Avery. He hadn’t realized the effect he’d had on Avery. How his rejection had almost broken the other man. What it must have taken for Avery to come to Eden, bare his heart to Ethan in front of his parents and everything. He realized that if he didn’t fix this, he was gonna hate himself for the rest of his life.

“Baby, please. I’m so sorry. Please don’t cry…” The words continued to tumble from Ethan’s lips now that he’d woken from the slumber he’d been in since he’d left Boston. “Don’t cry, Avery. I can’t bear it when you cry. I love you, baby. I love you so much… I’m so sorry it took me this long to tell ya…”

Avery sniffed against his chest, fingers twisting in the fabric of Ethan’s t-shirt, his breath slowly settling, no longer coming out in gasps. Ethan’s body relaxed, his heart settling in the cavity of his chest, air filling his lungs.This is what it feels like to be free. He’d never imagined that he’d find this feeling in another person. Sure, he’d felt free when he’d roamed the country roads on his bicycle, Matty by his side. Or at least, somewhat free, because Matty was right. Ethan had always been his keeper. He’d never let himself completely surrender to the moment. It was the same when he was running track. He’d loved the feeling of his body working as one powerful machine, miles beneath his feet, his heart pounding away in his chest. But there’d always been this nagging thought at the back of his mind. Was his dad okay? Was his mom okay? Ryder, River, Reeve… But in this moment, holding Avery close to his chest, there was nothing except for this feeling of freedom and belonging and then… nothing else.

Avery continued to cling to him, but the crying had ceased, the front of Ethan’s t-shirt wet from his tears.

“Avery, please say something,” Ethan whispered into the citrusy softness of his hair. He couldn’t help chuckling as he more felt than heard Avery mumbling something into his chest. “What was that, baby?” He carefully pushed at Avery’s shoulders, searching his eyes, as he held him out in front of him.

Avery met his eyes, his own red rimmed but filled with something which had been there all along and which Ethan now recognized as love. It was love, unfiltered, unguarded, and it had been there all along, right in front of him. He realized that Avery had bared himself to him since day one and every day since. In every look and in every touch. In every gesture and in every smile, Avery had told him.I love you. Please, be mine because I am already yours.

“I’m yours, too,” the words escaped his lips without Ethan realizing it, Avery’s face transforming in front of him.

“Are you?” Avery whispered carefully. “Are you truly mine?” His eyes seemed to search Ethan’s face, examining it carefully. Ethan nodded, swallowing against the lump in the back of his throat. Avery nodded too, his eyes turning impossibly blue.

“Because if you are, I’m going to want all of you. Not just a fraction of you. All of you. I’m going to want you when you’re scared or when you’re sad, too. Maybe I’ll even want you the most when you feel unsure about yourself. About your place in the world. Yes, I think I’ll want you even more, then.”

Ethan continued to nod, his eyes burning, his chest tightening with what he now recognized as fear. But it was a good kinda fear. It was a fucking great kinda fear. Because it was the kinda fear you only felt when you were finally awake. Truly awake. It was the kinda fear you could only feel when there was something at stake.

“But you have to talk to me, Eth, okay? I’m not a fucking mind reader. Half the time, I don’t even know what’s going on in that stubborn head of yours, let alone your heart.” Avery smiled, stabbing his right index finger at Ethan’s chest, releasing a wince from him. “I’ve been surrounded by people all my life who don’t speak. Well, they do. But they don’t say anything. Not really. I can’t do that anymore. Iwon’tdo that anymore.” The final words were spoken with an unwavering clarity that Ethan hadn’t heard before.

“I want that, too,” Ethan whispered, and he felt the last protective shield fall away from his chest. “I really want that, too, baby. So, so much.” He reached out and twisted a golden lock that had escaped from Avery’s ponytail around this finger.

“Okay,” Avery nodded. “Okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

A smile spread across Avery’s sensual mouth, his eyes once again tearing up. In a frantic movement, Ethan pulled him against his chest and started pressing kisses everywhere he could reach. He heard Avery chuckling against his chest as he squirmed beneath Ethan’s lips. Releasing himself, his lips finally found Ethan’s, and he sighed deeply into his mouth. How had he ever in his right mind pretended that he could be without this? Without him. Without Avery.Avery.Such a remarkable name for someone who was made just for him.Mine. Mine, mine, mine,his heart called out. No, it fucking roared as Avery’s sexy tongue teased the corner of his mouth. He opened for him, his own tongue searching for Avery’s, once again savoring his sweetness, his familiar taste. Avery moved in his arms as he got up from his chair and straddled Ethan, settling in his lap. He wrapped his arms around Avery’s waist, squeezing him closer yet. Avery whimpered, as he started grinding his hips against Ethan, moaning shamelessly into his mouth, his tongue battling with Ethan’s for control.

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