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But god, I’d hoped to avoid this conversation for a good long while yet. Hoped I’d have more time to convince her first that I’d be gentle with her; that I’m trustworthy. That she’s safe with me.
Shit.
Well, nothing for it except to drive headlong into this brick wall. I told her I’d be honest, and she asked.
“I got in a lot of fights back when I was a young man.” My voice is so rough, I almost don’t recognize it. Scraping and raw. “I was so fucking angry at the world, Dani. Felt cheated already by my deadbeat dad and the rundown trailer I grew up in. Felt like the odds were stacked against me from the start. And it’s no excuse, I know it’s not, but all I had back then were big muscles and scarred knuckles and a chip on my shoulder, and I went around making sure everybody knew it.”
I’m not proud of this history. Spent six long years in the slammer, contemplating all the better things I could’ve done. Other ways to channel that frustration and make something of myself.
Instead, back then, I was an ass. No two ways about it, and surely this story will put Dani off me forever. Her big, mean boss is one thing—but a man with stains on his conscience is another.
“There was one fella I always hated. He grew up near me, and he had the same angry streak I did, but where I went looking for trouble with grown men my own size, he liked to pick on women. He was good-lookin’, so he could always get girlfriends, but before long they’d cower around him. They’d go from happy, laughing girls to scared, silent shadows.”
Dani’s pretty quiet herself, her lips pressed together as she listens, but her feet kick up and hook around the back of my thigh. I shuffle closer to her, my heart thumping.
It’s hot in this bar. My throat is dry. My shirt itches.
Does she hate me already? Can she see where this is going?
“Anyway, one night I’d already had a few drinks. I was out at the creek with a big crowd—can’t remember what we were celebrating, but there was a big bonfire and music and folks were getting rowdy. Sneaking off together into the bushes, you know? And I didn’t care much about skirt-chasing, but Ididwant a fight that night. You need to realize that, Dani. I went out looking for trouble.”
She wets her lips, staring at me. Her pulse taps away below her jaw.
“Well, I found that fella I hated in a copse by the creek. He was shoving a woman up against a tree, laughing when she whimpered. And the sight of that…”
Even now, a red haze settles over my vision. I blink it away, my gut tensed and aching, and my palms are damp where they press against Dani’s t-shirt.
I hate this story.
“Well, I tore him off her. Threw him to the ground. Beat that fucker unconscious and then kept… kept going.”
Dani swallows. Her voice is a whisper. “Did he die?”
I shake my head slowly. “No. I got hold of myself before then, thank god, and he recovered well enough. But that’s still the worst thing I’ve ever done, and I deserved those six years behind bars. Gave me a lot of time to think things through. When I started beating on him, his evil little hide deserved it—there’s no doubt in my mind. But once he couldn’t fight back and I kept going… I was no better.”
Dani’s sharp inhale slices my chest. She sits up straighter on the bar, tugging me closer with her feet around my thigh, and I inch forward, though god knows why she wants me so near.
Her little hands squeeze my thumbs. “Youarebetter. You’re the best man I know.”
I snort and say, “Then you should meet some other men,” even though the words taste sour as they come out.
Dani wrinkles her nose. “No thanks. Most of the men I’ve known have been more like the guy in your story. That, or useless drunks. Or not evil, but more interested in their video games than their girlfriend. Who wants that, you know?”
Yeah, she should definitely meet some other men. We’ve got plenty of letdowns among us, no surprises there, but there are some good guys too, and they’d trip over themselves to win a girl like Dani. I sure would.
But I’m not selfless enough to point that out a second time.
“So are you still angry at the world?” Dani lets go of my thumbs at last and spreads her palms over my chest, fingertips rubbing at the fabric. Can she feel my heart lunging toward her?
My smile is strained. “Hard not to be sometimes. Life isn’t fair if you’re not born rich, and that’s a fact. But I’m not out of control like that anymore, and there are…”
She flicks my shirt button open. I clear my throat, my thoughts suddenly spinning wild, and step forward to close the last few inches between us, pressing my body right between her soft, spread thighs.
“There are some good bits,” I rasp, my head pounding with how much I want this.
“Good bits?” Dani tilts her head, teasing, and flicks another button open. Christ, I love her smile. “Whichbitsare good exactly, Kingston?”
All of her.Anything attached to Dani is the best goddamnbitI’ve ever seen.
