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How do I fight this?
Is there anyone in my corner?
“A-Aunt E-E-Emma? Are you ok-kay?” Josh’s voice cracks through my haze of worry. But I can barely hear him over the pounding in my ears. I don’t hear Caroline or Reagan when they chime in, either.
I want to reassure them but I can’t seem to find my words. Maybe because, before I can reassure them, I have to reassuremyself.
I glance towards Josh. I can’t tell him; he carries too much already. The girls are far too young to understand. So I just shake my head instead and try to get to my feet.
I need to read through this document. I need to know what I’m dealing with.
I need to…
… stop moving.
Is the kitchen spinning or is that just me?
“Aunt Emma!”
“No!”
“She’sfalling!”
Oh, God…
The spinning turns the world into a whirlwind of color and then, just like that—
All the colors fade to black.
25
EMMA
You know you’ve hit an all-time low when you come to from a fainting spell and all you can think is,Well, that was restful.
That sense of ease lasts for about three seconds before the silence clogging up my ears gives way to squeals and cries and anguished yells that I’m not capable of processing just yet.
I try to open my eyes but they’re still heavy, still clinging to the need for darkness. Someone’s touching me… my arm? My right arm, yes. No, not touching—nudging. Whoever it is is trying to prod me awake.
Something cool hits my face. It’s not unpleasant but I’d rather do without it, to be honest. I like the warmth of the darkness and I don’t want to be reminded of the cold when I wake up.
“Hey, kids, let’s move aside, okay? Give her some room to breathe.”
Now,thatvoice is soothing.
Ruslan’s? Is that his? My ears are still ringing so the actual tenor of the voice is lost to me. I can’t identify the speaker and I don’t want to know who it is enough to open my eyes. So I lie there, taking it all in.
Every other sensation is heightened. I can feel the scurry of little panicked feet. I can sense the rasp of heavy breathing. I can smell cheesy goodness in the air.
Dammit, I must have ruined dinner. And the kids love mac and cheese.
Bad guardian. Bad mother. Bad person.
“Emma.”
There’s that voice again, calm and soothing.Please let it be Ruslan.I have no idea why I want him right now. Especially considering I just left his office wanting to get as far away from him as possible.
The last few months set a bad precedent. He caught me every time I fell and now, I seek out that comfort and security without even realizing it.
