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“What the fuck did you say?” he growls.
I square my shoulders. “You heard me. I will call the damn cops if you don’t settle down right now. You’re scaring the kids!”
He takes a menacing lurch towards me and that’s when I notice Josh dart out from behind the couch. I only have the time to gasp before his little fist connects with Ben’s ribs for the second time in as many minutes.
“Fuck!” Ben roars. “What the—” He whirls around, hand raised and before I can stop him, he grabs Josh by the front of his t-shirt.
“BEN! STOP!”
Caroline’s small voice cuts through the heat of my panic. “D-daddy! Please don’t…”
Ben acts as though he can’t hear any of us. He flings Josh against the coffee table. It’s not a violent throw, but Josh’s too-thin little body makes a dullthwackingsound as he careens into the furniture. He grunts low with pain and even that heartbreaking sound doesn’t seem to snap Ben out of his fugue state.
“You bastard!” I scream at his back while he storms out the door and slams it on his children’s tears.
I rush to Josh and pick him up off the floor. It’s not until I have him in my arms that I realize he’s not the one that’s shaking.
Iam.
“Josh,” I gasp, cradling him like I used to when he was a toddler. “I’m so sorry. I’msosorry.” He clings to me, his chest heaving with silent sobs. All I can do is hold him. “It’s okay. Go ahead and cry. You deserve to cry as loud as you want for as long as you want.”
“J-Joshie…?”
I look up to find Caroline and Reagan still hiding behind the kitchen wall, tears streaking down their cheeks. I gesture for them to come over and they run to me, their heat engulfing me from both sides as we all huddle together.
“It’s okay,” I whisper. “We’re gonna be okay, I promise. I’m gonna make sure we’re all okay…”
I thought having Ben around was important for the kids. I thought it was necessary. Despite all his shortcomings, I didn’t want them to lose their only living parent. But after tonight, I have to face the fact that having him around is doing them more harm than good. Maybe we’re all better off without him.
Which leaves me with only one path forward and, of course, it won’t be easy. My heart beats wildly, even as my resolve hardens.
From now on, I have to be their motherandtheir father.
I have to strip Ben of his parental rights.
I have to adopt these kids.
Once that’s sunk in, I hold onto the kids just as tightly as they’re holding onto me. And then—
I let myself cry, too.
55
EMMA
Be calm.
You don’t know what your chances are.
And if this doesn’t work out,thenyou can kill him.
My leg has been bouncing erratically since I sat down in Isabel Costa’s empty office to wait for her. I could have cornered her in the lunchroom, but I didn’t want to have this conversation in public.
“Emma?”
I spin around in my chair. “Hi, Isabel.”
The lawyer is standing on the threshold of her door, looking at me with arched eyebrows. She seems to get the measure of the situation in seconds because she walks in and closes her door.
