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“It’ll build character. Teach him how to defend himself,” they’d say with a laugh when discussing Ocuri’s ‘antics’ with their friends.
Their friends would look at me, sitting obediently and smiling, with sympathetic expressions on their faces. As if to say ‘buck up, you’ll be okay in the end.’
I wake up early in order to prepare for the ball. Today, I am going to the theater district to pick up another gift for Prince Carisu, who I have heard is a great lover of the theatrical arts.
I finish my morning ablutions and get dressed quickly, because I want to leave before Ocuri wakes up. He has always been a late riser, even since childhood, and of course my parents let him get away with it.
But somehow, Ocuri is awake and waiting for me outside just as I step out of my quarters.
“Good morning, brother.” He rolls the word ‘brother’ around in his mouth as if he is tasting it, as if he is experimenting with it. “You’re up early.”
I do not look him directly in the eye, because I am too afraid of what I will see there.
“So are you, brother.”
I move to walk past him, but he places a large, hard hand on my chest and stops me in my tracks.
“Brother, what do you think you’re doing? Actually, my question should be, what have you ever done?”
Ocuri’s voice is cold and cruel. For a second, I am violently dragged back to a childhood memory that I thought I had forgotten.
I am playing alone in the playroom. I am about five years old in this memory. I am enjoying myself for once because my parents have taken Ocuri out to celebrate one of his achievements.
I get hungry so I go to the kitchen, and I eat with the zagfers.
My parents arrive home just as I am finishing my meal, and my mother slaps the food out of my hand.
“You’ll eat when we tell you to!” my mother snaps.
I am pulled back into the present just as violently, and I try to focus on what Ocuri is saying.
“Do you really think you’re worthy of going to this ball? Do you think Prince Carisu will even want to be in your presence?”
I tense up because I am sure that my brother is about to hit me. He lets go instead. I stumble backwards, and he laughs before walking away.
You can do this. Don’t give up yet. The ball is your only chance.
After convincing myself that I am not making a colossal mistake, after convincing myself that I should not just give up, I make my way outside to where the carriage waits for me.
“To the theater district please,” I tell the zagfer driver and settle back in my seat. I am surprised when hot tears roll down my face, and I quickly wipe them away.
I do not return home right away after I pick up the gift. Instead, I let the carriage driver go back home, and I take a walk to my favorite pub which is quite a distance away from the theater district.
But I know that the walk will do me good and help me clear my head, so I push myself to walk faster.
Farzhi is in his usual place, and my shoulders relax. I did not plan on meeting him here. I would have just had a drink with anyone at the bar.
But I have not seen my friend since receiving the invitation, and I sit down at his table and smile in greeting.
He smiles back instantly, and the barmaid brings a round of drinks for us. It is still early in the day. Maybe I should not be drinking this early, but after my encounter with Ocuri this morning, I need a drink.
“Where have you been, brother?” he asks me with his usual friendly demeanor, and I order some food as we talk.
I tell him some of the details of my plan, and he nods along.
Farzhi knows some of my family’s dynamics, and he has often given me advice on how to deal with it. Sometimes I wonder what he has experienced with his own family when he gives me advice, but I figure that he will tell me in his own time.
“Good luck, brother,” he tells me after we have gotten well and truly drunk. “You’ll be fine!” he calls as I get up from my seat, grab my goods, and start the long walk home.
