AllFreeNovel
Share Us
He pulls back with a light punch to my shoulder, nothing like how Shiloh hits when he actually wants to hurt you. His eyes are red and raw, but his face is dry.
“You love my brother more.” He splays his hands across my chest, tracing nonsensical patterns much like he does anytime we lay in bed together. This feels different, though. He’s chewing his bottom lip, shoulders sagging.
I should have talked to him before I ran off with these plans. I knew we needed to talk. About his feelings. About mine. About Blair. But I thought I’d at least get tonight. Some more time to prepare for the reality of breaking my best friend’s heart—maybe in more ways than one.
“I love you in a way I could never love anyone else,” I say, catching one of his hands in mine when he turns his head away to scoff. “You’re like my soulmate. My other half. But I’m in love with Blair. He doesn’t complete me, not like you do, but that isn’t what I need. I need someone to support me, to push me, to understand me when I can’t understand myself. Blair is that for me.”
Shiloh scrunches his face, pulling his hands back to cross them over his chest.
“Why couldn’t I be that? I can do all of that. You just… you never told me that you…”
“Just like you never told me there was more to your feelings than friendship?”
He tugs at his hair and takes a step back. “It’s not like that! Of course there’s more. You’re Atty. You’re Atty, and I love you and there has never been a part of me that didn’t love you.” He drops his hands to his sides and tips his head back. “I was confused. About what wanting you meant. For who I am.”
“Loh. There are plenty of gay and bi trans men. That doesn’t mean—”
“I know. I know that. But it made me feel like… it made me wonder… if I would have been happy as a girl as long as I knew I’d get to keep you. If I could have handled it because maybe as a girl you’d…. You know.”
I shake my head. Hard. “Shutting that shit down right now. You are Shiloh. You have always been Shiloh. Who you love has no bearing on that. I love you because of who you are. I’ve been here for every step of the way, and I’ll be here as long as you let me. I’m sorry that I… that my feelings never evolved like yours.”
This time, I hear the sniffle, but he steps back when I reach for him. I open my mouth to say something, anything, because hurting Shiloh feels like shards of glass exploding in my own chest, but the door creaking open cuts through the moment, and in steps Blair: pale and shaking.
“What’s wrong?” Shiloh and I ask at the same time, and Shiloh gives me a small smile in response.
Blair holds his phone up and taps it on his shoulder. “Got a call from the hospital. I’m Dad’s emergency contact.”
Shiloh’s smile turns into a sneer, and he huffs out an aggravated puff of air. “Why do you still bother with him?”
Blair flashes a defeated look between us, and I can tell whatever is going on—plus getting caught with his pants down in a bathroom stall with his little brother’s best friend—has wiped out any and all fight he might have had.
“I have to go,” he says, and something sharp tugs in my chest at the sight of him preparing to walk away.
“I’ll take you,” I say, digging the Jeep keys out of my pocket and holding them out to Shiloh. “Take the Jeep. Get home safe, alright?”
Shiloh wrinkles his nose but takes the keys, and I hate that I know he needs me. Right now he needs me to be his best friend. To sit and talk this shit out because his head is fucked up.
But I know that Blair has spent at least the last week struggling, and with everything that’s happened tonight, I’m almost scared to let him leave alone.
“I love you, Loh.”
He smiles sadly, stuffing the keys in his pocket. “Love you too, Atty.” He nods towards Blair. “You too, big brother.”
I throw an arm around him for half a hug, then duck into the stall for my shirt. Blair reaches for me as soon as I’m close enough, and I can practically feel the fear wafting off him. I plant both hands on his shoulders, pressing his back firmly to the doorframe, and cover his mouth for a grounding kiss. His hand flies to grip my cheek, rubbing his fingers along the stubble on my chin.
“You don’t have to come,” he whispers against my lips, and I kiss him harder, draw a startled moan out of him.
“I’m in this, Blair. With you. Wherever you go.” I smile down at him, and my heart aches in the best possible way at how absolutely beautiful this man is. “You were wrong before. You weren’t the only one to fall.”
His eyes widen, but I cover his mouth with my hand and grin at the little glare he shoots my way.
“You don’t have to bear it alone. Let me take it off your shoulders. Let me share the burdens. Because that’s what you do for the people you love.”
I kiss his scrunched brow.
“And I’m deep in love with you, Blair Novak. My Bumble B.”
Chapter 25
