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At the very least he’s been sleeping better since I’ve been coming around, according to Blair. He’d hardly had any nightmares the last few weeks, whether he climbs into bed with us or is sleeping on his own, so his eyes aren’t nearly as dark as usual; though he still doesn’t fall asleep often until three or four in the morning.
“Noah,” I laugh into his insistent kiss, gently pushing his shoulders to plop him back down in his seat. “I’ve gotta get this stuff to the dorm before Blair and I go pick up Shiloh.”
He pouts but accepts the words even if he puffs his cheeks out like a chipmunk. “Why can’t you just move Shiloh’s stuff in too? You get your best friend, Blair gets his brother, and I get another kissing buddy!”
“I don’t think Shiloh would be into that.”
“Have you asked?”
I sigh, giving up for the time being to wrap my arms around Noah’s shoulders and pull him into my chest. “He’s just coming back from rehab, and I don’t want any serious shocks to his system.”
“About that, actually.” Coming out of the hall is Blair with his hair wrapped in a loose elastic and wearing my freshmen orientation hoodie. He’s sexy as hell whether he’s dressed up or casual. “I was talking with Corvin the other day, and we were thinking maybe Shiloh could do with a room change.”
I gently remove myself from around Noah and cross my arms with a frown. “I told Shiloh I wasn’t moving out.”
“I know.” Blair rests his hip on the counter beside me. “We want to give Shiloh a chance to grow. Room to heal. None of us wants to see it, but you’re his crutch, A. Shiloh knows that no matter how hard he screws up, you’ll be there to pick up his pieces. And I love that about you.” He reaches out and links our fingers together. “We can help him… but I really think he should put himself back together this time. He said he’s been questioning some things about his identity. His sexuality. And he’s going to need room to work out his feelings. As much as he might not want it to be the case, it’s almost impossible to stop loving someone you spend all of your time with.”
I swallow a heavy lump in my throat. “He’ll be angry.” Worse, he’ll feel betrayed, but that isn’t a worry I want to put on Blair’s shoulders. Not after I’ve spent the last two months repairing all the damage those thoughts did to him before.
“He’ll be taken care of. But I won’t force you.”
The problem is he isn’t wrong. I do basically deprive Shiloh of natural consequences. If I can help him—save him—chances are I will. I don’t know how to do anything else.
“Where does that leave me?” I ask, and by the rosy hue on Blair’s pale cheeks and how he strokes his thumb over my knuckles in a nervous pattern, I think I know the answer.
“There’s always room for you here,” he says, gesturing around to my random piles of things. “Obviously.”
“Obviously? Blair Novak.” I put my free hand on his cheek, and he leans into it. “Are you asking me to move in?”
Noah lets out a little “woot” behind me, and I gently pull Blair by the hand into the hallway. Once it’s just us, I press his back to the wall and bury my face in his throat.
“Is this a good idea?”
He cards a hand into my hair, chuckling softly as he plays with the strands. “You’ve practically been living here the last two months. It feels… god, Atlas it feels right. Having you here is the happiest I’ve ever been.”
“But Shiloh—”
“No ‘but Shiloh’. Just give me an answer. Do you want to live here?”
“Yes,” I breathe into his neck, finding his pulse points and tracing it with the tip of my nose until I brush his jaw. “Here with you feels like home.”
Blair wraps both arms around my back, pulling me to him, being careful of the spot just below my left shoulder blade. The tattoo is practically healed, but the skin is still sore.
It’s a smaller mimic of the galaxy that spans his entire upper back, only mine has a new Hangul: Blair. I’d actually booked this appointment with his artist before I knew about Blair’s, and it’s funny that they were only spaced a few weeks apart.
“Speaking of home,” Blair hedges out, and I groan. “No, listen. I thought maybe we could plan something with Ryder for the holidays this year? You two have been getting along well, and I know you’re itching to help hunt your brother down… I thought we could make it a family affair?”
I lift my eyes from his shoulder and place a kiss on his jaw. “You just want an excuse for me to introduce you as my boyfriend.”
“Absolutely not,” he says, but my lips have already found his smile.
“Absolutely, yes.”
Not talking to Mom and Dad has kind of made the ‘meeting the parents’ stage of dating a little null and void. And Blair hasn’t heard from his dad in months.
If there’s anything I’ve learned about Blair over the last couple of months, it’s that he was deprived of ever being treated like he was special. Like someone was proud of him, proud to have a piece of the heart he gives away so easily. His self worth is in the toilet, and I’m doing everything in my power to raise it up.
“Dare me, Bumble B. Dare me to show you off and I’ll do it.”
