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Me: Everything okay?
The silence that follows sucks. It’s not like A and I are friends, and I’m the one who’s supposed to be there to support him, not the other way around.
Knowing that doesn’t make the little tendrils of darkness go away. They creep in a little at a time until my skin starts to ache and crawl.
Fuck, I need that ink appointment.
I could take Atlas up on his offer to split Shiloh’s therapy costs. Which is only going to be higher if they decide to switch up his medication, because he’s still a few weeks from being due for his refills.
The boards at the home repair shop to fix up Dad’s porch aren’t cheap either. It’s at least a couple hundred, plus labor time, especially since I’ll be doing it on my own.
The pressure behind my eyes builds, and my phone lights up moments before I give in to it. I almost don’t check, but a few deep breaths in and I’m flicking the screen open.
A: It’s been a shit day, honestly. Roommate just crashed, and I’m trying to distract myself with anything.
Me: I could help with that if you want. Depending on what you don’t want to think about lol
A: As long as I don’t have to talk about all the shit going on.
Me: Okay. Let’s take you out of the realm of reality, then. How about a thought experiment?
A: A what?
Me: Trust me? I want you to picture someone you’re attracted to. Man, woman, non-binary, doesn’t matter.
A: Okay.
Me: Where would you want to be with them?
A: Is it cheesy if I say on a blanket under the stars? That’s kind of always been my happy place.
Me: That’s perfect. Blanket under the stars it is. Let’s try this. You’re attracted to them. You have feelings for them. What does that look like for you?
A: Hmm. I’d like holding their hand.
Me: That’s cute.
A: Fuck off. Attraction and feelings doesn’t mean I want to grope them or anything.
Me: Fair. No desire for anything sexual?
A: None. Is that where this is headed? Seeing if I can think myself into having a hard on?
Me: Not entirely. If you’re uncomfortable, we’ll stop.
A: No, this is fine. What’s next?
Reading A’s replies leaves a smile on my face, the conversation distracting me as much as it’s distracting him. It’s nice having someone to talk to who has no investment in my life or responsibilities.
Me: Well, are you comfortable pretending I’m this person?
A: Sure, I don’t see why not.
Me: Okay. Try this. You’re holding my hand. We’re watching the sky. It’s cool and quiet. I lay my head on your shoulder.
A: I like the closeness.
Me: Do you like kissing?
