AllFreeNovel
Share Us
But I don’t want Blair to feel used, and I don’t want to ruin this connection by having sex when I’m not ready and risk my body deciding the touch I love so much is bad.
That only leaves me one option.
I need to come clean to Shiloh.
About my virginity. About my sexuality. Maybe even about these feelings stirring alive for Blair.
They both mean too much to me to lose over a stupid dare.
Chapter 17
Blair
Noah is quiet this morning. Not that he isn’t quiet most mornings when he’s up at seven-thirty, but it’s not a test day—at least according to his whiteboard schedule on the fridge—and on days like this he usually sleeps in.
I woke Atlas up at six this morning so he’d have time to stop by his dorm for a change of clothes before he had to drive out to meet his brother. We may have spent a little too long kissing in bed and he ended up leaving in a rush anyway, but it was worth it.
I’m not much of a coffee drinker myself, but I brew a pot specifically for Noah, and I have his cup filled to the brim with what I’m sure is at least seventy-five percent milk, but that’s how he likes it, and by the frown on his face as he stares ahead, I’m sure he needs it.
“Hey, Baby Bear.” I set the coffee in his little dinosaur mug on the table in front of the couch, along with a small stack of pancakes.
He doesn’t look at me, just tightens his arms around his legs pulled tight to his chest. When I go to rub his back in small, comforting circles, he flinches, and I drop my hand.
“Noah?” I sit down beside him, and his shoulders rise. “Are you okay?”
He shrugs, eyes flicking from me to the food back to the vacant spot he keeps watching. I’ve seen Noah act all kinds of weird; he’s a unique little man, but completely despondent? That’s like an anti-Noah.
“I made your milk-bean-juice.”
A pout sprouts on his lips, and then he’s burying his eyes in his knees. It’s instinctual for me to reach over and ruffle his hair, but the moment I do, he shrinks in tighter.
“Noah. Hey, I need you to tell me what’s wrong.”
Baby blue eyes peer at me from the side, and then his hand pulls on mine and grips it tight.
“I don’t know,” he mumbles, propping his chin on his knees. “I woke up early, and I felt... off. Disoriented. My body feels gross, and I’ve already showered.”
“Did something happen with your guy?” I ask, a shot of worry bursting through me.
Noah shakes his head but then stops, furrows his brow, and tilts his head. “I don’t think so? I don’t actually remember much of last night. Marco asked if he could take me out for a drive, and you were busy so I was kind of lonely...”
He purses his lips, face scrunched in concentration. “I must have fallen asleep at some point. I woke up...” His voice trails off, eyes going hazy. When he doesn’t speak up again, I tug his hand.
“Noah.” He blinks, looks at me, then frees his hand and wraps them both around himself again.
“Nothing happened. He helped me into the apartment, then left.”
“Wait, he knows where we live? I thought you two always met up somewhere else.”
He frowns again, and after a second of silence shakes his head. “I must have told him. I’m sorry.”
I put my arm around him, and this time he leans into me, nuzzling his nose into my neck. “Don’t be sorry. I just want you to be safe. You’ve been seeing him for a couple months, right? He knows that this isn’t...” I don’t know what kind of motion I’m making with my hand, but Noah laughs and nods.
“He knows. No sex. No love. He just likes to spend time with me. And I really like the things he can do with his tongue in my mouth. Oh, and he has really rough hands that feel surprisingly nice.”
I laugh and squeeze him to me. “As long as he’s on board. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Nah, I’m okay, Blair-Bear. Just out of sorts this morning.”
