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I stared at my drink to avoid his eyes. “I’ve been keeping it low lately.”
“That’s one way to put it.” He cleared his throat. “You know that what happened could have happened to anyone, right? You don’t always have to be perfect.”
“Oh, I’m far from perfect, and I know other people had it worse.”But likely not many, and not by much.
“Damn right they did,” Jay said. “And a few of them have your brains.”
I knew he was trying to boost my confidence, but it felt like a hollow attempt. “I sure put it to good use when I’m delivering packages.”
“That’s on you for giving up on other options.” He raised his palms when I was about to protest. “I’m not judging, and I know you’ll wake up soon and give it another shot. Can’t your folks lend you some cash in the meantime?”
“Nah, they gave what little they had to Shelly’s wedding. But don’t sweat it, man, I’m doing all right. The debt’s almost covered, and driving around… it’s sort of nice.”
He snorted and took a sip of beer. “It’s shit and you know it.” His lips stretched into a crooked smile. “Maybe Golden Boy could help you out.”
I shook my head. “Chris helped me out at the beginning, and you should stop with this weird grudge against him.”
“I carry no grudge.”
“Oh, yeah?”
He shrugged and looked away. “Anyways…”
“Listen, I know he sort of disappeared on us, but he has Melissa and the twins, and you know they’re working him to the bone at that firm.”
He shook his head. “Here we go again, same old tune.”
“Meaning?”
“You know what I mean. You’ve always defended him, even when he acted like a snob and wasn’t there for Anthony after the divorce.”
I opened my mouth and closed it since Jay was right. For years, Chris had been my closest friend, and although we weren’t as tight as we used to be, my instincts were always to stand up for him.
“Anthony’s doing better,” I said to switch the subject.
Jay made a face. “Anthony’s doing better on the surface. That damn divorce got him bad.”
I shifted uneasily in my seat. I had been so caught up with my own problems to notice the world around me. “Do you think he would’ve taken it back if he could? The whole coming out thing.”
“Well, let’s see.” Jay leaned forward and narrowed his eyes. “His wife caught him watching gay porn, and he was forced to come out. She then dragged him through an ugly divorce, and his overly religious family stopped talking to him. So yeah, I think it’s safe to say he would’ve taken it back.”
I always suspected Anthony was gay—we all had—but after he’d gotten married, I dismissed that notion.
The sudden sound of laughter reached my ears from the other side of the room. The guys sitting together were older than Jay and me, and something about them felt natural, like they had sat like this many times throughout the years. A pang of jealousy hit me, and I couldn’t stop staring.
“You wanna ask one of them to dance?” Jay asked with a smirk. “I can put something romantic on the jukebox.”
I blinked and returned my eyes to Jay. “I’ll pass.”
He watched me closely. “You’ve got the blues, man. Spill it.”
I shrugged. “Just thinking.”
“About…”
“We should go out together, like old times.”
“You mean the three of us?”
