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I snickered. “I’m more concerned about what will happenafteryou show up.”
Jay shook his head. “I still need to organize my thoughts on that. I might not tell you everything in advance, just give you instructions on how you should act.”
“That’s a bit too vague,” Anthony said.
“It’s for the good of the mission.”
“Ant’s right,” I said. “We’re not going in blind. If I’m sticking my neck out to help set this up, I should know what I’m getting into.” And what I was getting Chris into.
Jay shook his head. “You two will just have to trust me on this, otherwise it’s not going to work. I know I’m asking for a lot, but I promise I won’t put any of you in danger. If you want me to beg, I’ll get down on my knees right here and do that.”
“You don’t need to beg,” I muttered.
“Good, ‘cause this is one dirty floor. Now, it’s off-season, so hopefully the cabin will be available. I’ll call the owner first thing tomorrow and see if we can book it. Wait for my okay and then go ahead with the plan.”
“Okay,” I said. Secretly I wondered whether I would have been better off not knowing what I’d heard tonight. Some truths were best left in the dark.
“Hi, boys.” A pretty waitress came to our table. Her smile was tired. I noticed it was past midnight. “We need to close for the night.”
“We were just leaving,” I said.
We took care of our checks and stepped outside into the cold, moonless night.
“I must say, I didn’t expect this get-together to turn out like this,” Jay said as we were standing under a streetlight, his hands deep in the pockets of his leather jacket. “But I’m sure glad it did.”
“I’m not sure how I feel,” Anthony said quietly. I could see the unrest in his eyes. “Maybe I should’ve kept my mouth shut like I promised."
“He doesn’t deserve your loyalty,” Jay said.
“I don’t want you guys to think less of me.” Those words came out barely louder than a whisper.
Jay was about to speak, but I stepped forward and pulled Anthony into a hug. “I think more of you, not less.”
He hugged me back and buried his face into the crook of my shoulder. Whatever happened between him and Chris, it felt as if I hadn’t heard the half of it.
We all felt sober enough to drive. Before splitting up, we promised to talk again after Jay checked about the cabin.
I drove home with my brain moving faster than my car. I had both anger and dread battling inside me: anger toward Chris and dread from whatever Jay might be cooking in his revenge-hungry brain. I told myself we were all mature enough to keep things from getting out of control, but revenge rarely worked according to plan.
*
That night I dreamed about the fake dungeon from the porn video. The olive-skinned man was tied down and gagged once more, begging with his eyes for me to let him go. But I didn’t. I fucked him hard with no consideration for his pleasure or pain. I used him like I owned him, like it was my undisputed right.
At one point, the olive-skinned man was no longer there, and it was Chris who was tied down naked. Even in the dream, my stomach flipped and dropped at the sudden sight of him. I wanted to flee, knowing how terribly wrong this was. Chris struggled against the ropes, his blue eyes boring into me.
A nasty feeling crawled beneath my skin. Knowing what he’d done, what he was capable of, pushed aside any thought of mercy.
I slowly raised my fist, giving Chris time to understand what was coming. He screamed through the gag as my fist smashed against his helpless body. No part of him was safe from my rage.
I didn’t stop until I woke up screaming.
7
The day after meeting Jay and Anthony, I felt like a zombie, almost causing two car crashes when my mind was too occupied with worry. Last night’s revelations played in the back of my mind on repeat: Anthony turning into a “play-thing” for Chris, Jay going to prison because he followed Chris’s lead, and most of all, our joint decision to get even.
The more I pondered on that decision, the more it felt wrong. Wrong and dangerous. Yes, Chris deserved to pay for his actions, but setting up a trap felt too extreme. Despite my fucked-up dream last night, I hated the thought of seeing him suffer. It went against every instinct I had.
Anthony and Jay had taunted me for years about my overly protective nature toward Chris. I knew they were right, but I had seen sides of him neither of them had. Like how lost he’d been during our first winter break when everyone was about to head off to their families, and he was going to stay back. I invited him to join me and my family, and he debated for days and nagged me with questions such as: Are you sure they know you’ve invited me? Where will I sleep? Should I bring my own food?Some of the questions were so ridiculous I didn’t know if he was being serious or not. When I laughed, he seemed hurt, so I made sure to give a straight answer to anything he was concerned about.
