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“Why?”
“I don’t want to have sex with him because he feels he needs my forgiveness.”
“But you wantedmeto have sex with him because of that.”
“He didn’t hurt me. Disappointed me, made me angry, yeah, but he never did me wrong like he did with you and Jay.”
Anthony nodded. “I see your point, but maybe you should talk to him about it. He seemed serious about going through with this.”
“I’ll do that. Go catch some sleep.”
Before walking away, he gave me a quick peck on the cheek. It was a sweet gesture, but compared to the passionate kiss we had shared earlier, it left me confused. But what was I even expecting of him?
I was left alone in the dim bedroom where the sheets were all tangled and damp. I opened the closet, grabbed fresh sheets, then made the bed until it looked and smelled like it hadn’t been used for wild sex a few minutes ago.
Lying down and waiting for Chris to return, it hit me how tired I was. The adrenaline had started dripping from my body earlier, but now it was basically gone from my system, leaving me feeling like an old rag.
With my eyes closed and the soft bed beneath my back, I drifted to sleep. A pleasant pain pulled me back into consciousness. It was weird thinking of pain as pleasant, but that was exactly how the fingers pinching my nipple made me feel. I opened my eyes with a start. Chris was lying next to me, his hand on my chest.
“You up?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
He was lying on his side with his head resting on his elbow. The blanket covered his lower half, and I couldn’t tell if he was naked underneath. I assumed he was.
“Should I let you sleep?” he asked.
I didn’t know how to answer that, so I kept my mouth shut and watched him. His face was mostly covered in shadows, but there was enough light to see the delicate lines of his jaw and his long lashes. I always acknowledged his beauty as an indisputable fact, but not something I should care about one way or another. His beauty hit differently now with the dark history associated with it.
“You need to speak,” Chris said. “I need to know what’s going on in your head.”
“Don’t you always say you can read me like an open book?”
“I can, but I don’t like what I’m reading.”
“What are you reading?”
“Pity. Regret. Doubt.”
I sighed and nodded.
“Now you know why I don’t talk about my past. I can’t have you looking at me like that. No one gets to look at me like that.”
“I’ll stop. Just need a bit of time.”
“Swear it.”
“I swear.”
“Okay.” His fingers played with the few hairs I had on my chest. “Earlier you were ready to fuck me like crazy. Now you can barely look at me.”
“Do you even want to sleep with me?”
“What you want matters.”
I shook my head. “It doesn’t work like that.”
“We said—”
