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“I’m sorry,” Chris said. “I don’t remember that.”
“Not your fault. None of what happened was your fault.”
“I know, E. I don’t blame myself for being chosen by a pedophile and a family of psychopaths.”
I once more felt how little I knew of his time with his adoptive family, and a selfish part of me hoped to keep it that way.
“So, you only started liking me after you got well?” I asked.
“Not immediately.”
“Jesus, I can’t win with you.”
“Just listen. I was expecting you to tell everyone how sick I’d been and how you took care of me, to try and earn some popularity points. But you kept your mouth shut, and for the life of me, I couldn’t understand what you had to gain from staying by my side for all that time. Then it hit me that you didn’t need anything from me, that I wasn’t in your life for selfish reasons. Then I liked you.”
I opened my mouth twice in search of something to say. Even though I now had a better grasp of his past, it was still unsettling hearing the pieces of his truth coming together.
“Are you angry?” Chris asked. “I don’t know why I’m dumping this on you now, but it’s something that always bugged me.”
“I’m not angry,” I said, glad to discover that was the truth. “Don’t worry about being honest with me, okay?”
“Yeah, I’m working on that. Baby steps." He snuggled closer against me.
“Why did you go with the name Chris?” I asked, hoping I wasn’t crossing a line.
“Christopher Reeve.”
“Superman?”
“I watched those movies on repeat at the group home, we all did. I used to dream I was secretly Superman and my powers had not yet matured.”
I smiled. “Good reason.”
“Just don’t ever call me Daniel, okay?”
“I won’t.”
I should have allowed us to catch some sleep, but I had to ask, “You’ve been pushing me back for months, barely making contact. Was it… was it because I stopped being successful?”
His body went still. “Is that what you think? Wait, don’t answer; I can understand why you might think that. But no, it had zero to do with how successful you are. I was expecting either Jay or Anthony to tell you what I’d done, and it made sense you wouldn’t want to speak with me after that. I guess I was preparing myself.”
I was relieved to hear that. Feeling that he had pushed me away because of my financial status was eating at me for a long time.
I gave Chris a kiss on the back of his head and said, “We had enough truth for one night. Time to sleep.”
“Okay. Good night, E.”
19
I was alone in bed when I woke up at noon. I ran my palm over Chris’s side of the bed, finding it wasn’t even slightly warm. I had a feeling he’d woken up early and driven back home, his way of avoiding the awkwardness we were bound to face. I couldn’t blame him, but I wished he would have at least woken me up to say goodbye. I didn’t have my phone next to me to check if he had sent a message.
Last night’s events swirled in my head as my brain gradually became functional. It almost felt like remembering a crazy dream rather than actual events. Still groggy, I pushed myself out of bed, put my underwear on, then made my way out of the bedroom and into the restroom where I peed and brushed my teeth. The cabin was quiet, but I had a feeling Anthony and Jay were already up. The living room was sunny and my clothes from last night were folded on the couch. I started to put them on when I heard a faint sound of laughter coming from outside. I hurried to finish dressing up, grabbed my coat, then went to open the sliding window leading to the patio outside.
Jay was sitting with his legs stretched on the table, holding a beer. Behind him lay Saratoga Lake, beautiful and wide. Anthony was sitting on a wooden bench, holding a cup of steaming coffee. Next to him was Chris. From the looks of it, he had been in the middle of talking before I joined.
All three men smiled at me, and I was too stunned to smile back. It felt like I was looking back in time, my brain trying to convince my eyes this was indeed the present.
“Look who’s up,” Jay said. “Thought you were in a coma.”
