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"You knew!" I exclaim, nudging her.
"He's also been down, and his mom told me...becausesheknew," Tasha says. "But I just wanted to hear it from you. Are you okay?"
I shrug, leaning back in my seat. "Um...I don't really know."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
I reach down for the pill bottle in my purse--the xanax I've kept on me since I started having panic attacks again--and I nod.
"Yeah," I say. "I think I need to."
Tasha nods encouragingly as I fumble with the bottle, my hands shaking slightly as I pop one of the pills into my mouth. She reaches across the table and takes my hand, her touch grounding me in a way I desperately need.
"What happened with him?" she asks softly.
I take a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves. "It was just a one-time thing, you know? We were into each other, I thought I could do it once and be done...but then it happened again. And before I knew it, I was watching him with Alex and seeing how great he was with him and the dogs and just thinking...I was thinking this could be my life."
I tear up, and I swipe at one of the tears.
"Love...?" Lyra asks, her voice dropping.
"Aw, sweet baby," I murmur, smiling up at her. "It's okay. I'm just a little sad."
"What went wrong?" Tasha asks. "It sounds like things were going great."
"He's leaving," I say. "We don't have a future together."
"And what if he didn't?"
I let out a rough laugh. "As if."
"Why?"
"He's got this amazing job," I say. "This opportunity to go on adventures, go to Brazil, do animal rescue all over the world. Why would he stay here in Fern Hollow with a single mom and her kid?"
Tasha leans back in her chair, her eyes narrowing. "That's not for him to decide, Sam. You're allowed to have your own dreams, too. And if he really cares about you, he'll stick around and support them."
"But what if I'm not enough?" I whisper. "What if he gets tired of me and wants something better?"
"Sam," Tasha says sternly. "You're amazing. You're beautiful and strong and kind. You're a great mom and an incredible friend. If he can't see that, then he doesn't deserve you."
I blink away tears, feeling a warmth in my chest. Tasha always knows how to make me feel better.
"I'm just scared," I admit. "Scared of getting hurt."
"I know," Tasha says. "But if I know one thing about you, it's that you are incredibly brave. You've been through the worst, and you've always come out on the other side."
"I just don't think I could do it again," I whisper. "After David..."
Saying his name triggers something, and I lose it completely. I bury my face in my arms, and I hear Lyra start crying next to me.
"Oh, honey," Tasha murmurs, reaching out and rubbing my shoulder. "I'm sorry he hurt you--"
"But he didn't," I say, picking my head up. "I really miss him. I haven't even known him that long, and I already miss him, and that scares the hell out of me."
"Hell..." Lyra repeats.
"Oh, don't say that," I say, glancing at the baby with wide eyes.
